Postgame

Still not fully recovered from writing all those words last time around. Bite me. Here’s 5 things that we learned: 1. Mkhitaryan is gud. 2. More than 1 goal would be gud. 3. Where’s my money? 4. Who are we and what are we doing?

I had to write out 200 words from a WhatsApp convo, so you can suck on your disappointment if you want me to write anything else apart from here’s 5 things we learned from the Europa League glory:   1) Hards pitches equals wins. 2) Cement over Old Trafford pitch. 3) ?????? 4) Profit. 5. […]

Marouane Fellaini helped extend United’s impressive unbeaten run to an impressive six (6) games, with a last minute cameo that saw United calve out yet another emphatic draw; cementing their position at the top of the top of mid-table. Jose Mourinho said afterwards, “Who said anything about slicing you up, man? I just wanted to […]

It was GGMU x Ghost of Fergie x Swashbuckle, as the mighty half dark Reds half light Reds gave the West of Ham one hell of a HAMMERing!** United IRONed** out the crises (creases) in their match day output (outfit), as Zlatan HAMMERed** in a couple, and Tony M HAMMERed** in two also. Elsewhere, Micky […]

I’m not Hashtag Mourinho Out but imagine if that’s how you we started a serious adult sentence. Like your Da. Fergie apparently started out one point better than this. Moyes started out a bit better than that. Van Gaal started out a bit better still. Makes you think. About punching a hole in the Universe […]

When Jose Mourinho took the bold decision to throw £30m European Player of the Year 2015/16 Henrikh Mkhitaryan into the starting XI against one of Europe’s averagest clubs, in one of the meaninglessest competitions, few could have envisaged winning the Champions League, F.A Cup and English Premier League Treble, on the very same night!! GGMU!!!! […]

Keane and Vieira, Keown and Van Nistelrooy, Wright and Schmeichel, Wenger and Fergie, Wenger and Mourinho, Wenger and Dugout, 8 and 2, Title and Winning at Old Trafford, we gave your boys one hell of a drawing. Here’s 5 things we learned from the latest war, in this war to end all wars in wardom: […]

United RE-LIT THE MATCH of title challenges, with a ROCKET from Pogba and a couple of SPARKLERS from Zlatan, and a FIRE performance that would have made Guy Fawkes proud. Except they completed what they set out to do. Although in conceding a goal in the second half, they actually were getting quite close to the […]

Jose Moruinho more like. That’s actually pretty good. For us. You can’t have that one. Here’s 5 things we learned, aside from the fact we are pretty good at mixy-letter-word jokes: 1. I have no idea what is going on at United but it is actually bad. 2. Luke Shaw really needs to hit the […]

Another day, another 0-0 thrashing dealt out by the Mighty All Blanks! Looking forward to us introducing the Daba before matches, to psyche out opponents. Jose genuinely proved how much he genuinely cares about football by getting himself genuinely sent to the stands for being genuinely angry about the football he still genuinely cares so […]

If you want to learn that beating City is loads better than losing to City, and that Herrera is really spoiling us (lol, like the chocolate advert. You fuck off and get new jokes), and that well known raconteur and Royal correspondent Paul Gunning had this to say, “If ‘Antonio Valencia actually has a left […]