Postgame

A goal created by a golden eagle, made of futuristic dreams from the future dreams factory in the future, in the corridors of the pantheon of universal aplombness, and delivered to football via the conduit of Anthony Martial leg and foot bit, is the only thing I remember from this game. That aside, pretty good. […]

After promising to do a win, with some promising doings, Vangle’s boychilds allowed a sexy baddy with a pair of dirty knickers on his face grab a late equalizerer. Even though we’re writing this after the Sunderland game, and the 1 Euro League, we’re looking forward to taking this promisingness into the next two games […]

With heavy heart we bid a fond farewell and wave a tear-stained hanky to the goalless first half feats of yesteryear. Hoping this is merely a blip tbh. Jesse-dawg, Martial-dawg, and Roon-dawg proved themselves to be the swashbuckliest of swasherers, with net-bulging scorings that could shiver the timbers of the mightiest haunted pirate tree on […]

The Renonsense under Vangle continues as United go goalistic, with three of those nomerific goals we just love to dine out on. Roonslice’s appetite for records is showing only 50% signs of abating. Titter @ abating. Juan Mata also ladled himself a tasty slice of goal-stew. But the guest of honour at the net-bulging banquet […]

Another resounding anti-win sees Vangle’s Army cement 5th place and move that bit closer to automatic misqualification for the Europaldi League, next season. The philRooneylastminutepenaltyosophy was all set until Charlie Austin powers inI SAID AUSTIN POWERS!!!! I’ve forgotten my point.     Like our beloved United players on the Twits … here’s some learnings we […]

Marryone and Roonskiparinhoaldoski keep the march to successfulness victorious victory alive and banging, with the old one two how’s your grandma glorious boom times while instantaneously elevating themselves above the aboveness that they’d already elevated themselves above in the past, present and future. Klopp can take his gangnamstyle and go and get his coat on […]

People of Newcastle: Spuggy, Spender, Cheryl Cole, Sting, we gave your boys one hell of a drawing. Roonslice rolled back the tyres to provide a glimpse of a pre-dollshair action hero we always loved. Can’t believe you lot were so fickle tbh. Here’s 5 things we learned as we stretch our unbeaten run to some […]

Heard Vangle’s philosophy involves beating all the goals out of the players at half time using a limp effigy of Bebe, naked, crafted from Falcao’s unwashed gussets, left in lost property. Why he left just the gussets I do not know. My source suspects the rest of the underpant material is being used for something […]

The old reliable shin came to the rescue again as Louis Vangle’s Calmy marched into 2016 with a battle cry loud enough to be heard. Roondo’s goooooooooooooalaaaaaaazo goal goal goal goal goal goal goal goal was only the second outing for the magic shin since records began, and propelled the absolute Leg.end to second in […]

David Moyes must be turning in his shallow grave. At least that would explain why the top soil is moving. Which one of us decided burying him alive was the best idea? How was I to know his skin was fire-retardant? Thank god I had the genius idea to remove his teeth. And that £2.80 […]

Us can’t even remember if this was 2-1 or 2-0 tbh. Luckily no one keeps score. That Arnautsausage goal was a banger. That’s funny cos his name is sausage and banger is a sausage in Stoketown. It stayed hit. And is now orbiting John Lewis. John Lewis wasn’t available for comment, cos he’s filming the […]