One Direction

Goal!

The marketing team behind Professional Goalkeepers Inc. have created an effective viral for their incumbants, which in Lehmann’s terms equates to: A Save = A Goal.  Of course the intention isn’t to fool everyone with their speculative propaganda, they are fully aware of their margins, but they know they can take the weak ones, the easily lead and I think it’s our duty as guardians of our citadel to tell ‘em where to stick it.

Goalkeepers for the most part ruin football.  Think of all the life changing volleys, mind blowing feats of dexterity and audacious penalties they’ve consigned to the recycle bin on the desktop of football history, by just sort of getting in the way a bit.  To say a goalkeeper can ‘win a game’ is a misrepresentation of their function.  They can stop a team winning a game, even drawing a game and they can certainly lose a game, but a handful of South Americans and flukes aside, their employment is dependent on the antithesis of what is actually required to win a game of footy: putting the ball in the back of the net.

Goalkeeping was invented to give those who weren’t very good at football, or those a few potted meat sandwiches shy of a packed lunch, the opportunity to join in at school break times – even if that generally meant them being picked last. Years later the DNA of these creatures is still more or less the same: technically questionable and invariably a bit mad.  As the old saying goes, ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and Goalkeepers are from a planet shaped by discarded tetris blocks, sun visors and foam hands, in their own mind’.

With this jet pack, I'll be there in no time! *Cuckoo*

David de Gea’s arrival amidst the endless talk of his huge potential was always going to represent a risk.  As much as United, to our credit, look to the yoof, the goalkeeper issue was in need of immediate address, not long term investment.  It had taken the Blackburn game at the end of last season for the club to finally establish that Kuszczack wouldn’t be establishing himself at the club any time soon.  Amos and Lindegaard, at that point, were themselves largely untested, so any goalkeeper coming into the squad would be automatically considered the Number One, a reality almost incongruous with the noises surrounding the signing of De Gea.

David de Gea is unquestionably a decent goalkeeper and has made some very important saves this season that more than make up for the mistakes.  However, the evidence to date that he is the answer to our prayers lies only in his early onset of stigmata and that when he concedes a goal you can always sense a ‘second coming’.  What is more than evident, and understandable of a 21 year old,  is he hasn’t yet developed an effective coping mechanism, or enough of an ego, to handle pressure.

The pressure on any goalkeeper in the aftermath of a high-profile error is, I can only imagine, intensified by their lack of involvement in the game.  Outfield players have the luxury of 90 minutes to exorcise demons and consign criticism to the chip paper of tomorrow.  Goalkeepers probably have less than a minute all in all, and that may include the time picking the ball out of the net.  Pressure effects everyone and how each individual at the club deals with it inevitably decides who neatly displays the replica trophy in their cabinet at the end of the campaign, regardless of resources or the other things that matter in varying degrees.

Got it covered...

Unfortunately for De Gea, despite SAF’s best efforts this season to suggest otherwise, the goalkeeping position isn’t permanently available on rotation. A Number One at a club has to establish relations with his defensive charges and needs the intensity of regularly appearing on the teamsheet to remain focused (Lindegaard is proving a much stronger candidate for that position).  As was apparent for a time with the England national team, when you insist on replacing a goalkeeper after a blunder (however big) you create an unhealthy environment, with everyone on edge.  Goalkeepers are a different breed and need very little encouragement to jump off.

I’m not a goalies man.  I see them more as accoutrements to my general enjoyment and thus I prefer the Jim Leightons to the Peter Schmeichels, the Neville Southalls to the David Seamans.  If I were to list my top eleventy million players of all time, keepers wouldn’t get a look in. There’s no place in my personal pantheon of match winners for the bastard obstructers of positive action.  Having said all that, I still want one of the best Number Ones at any given time at United and if he’s not the best in the world, at the very least the best in the Premier League.  Right now, De Gea doesn’t even represent the best Number One at the club.