Predictions

    (@Benglorious) I have a friend named Lee and if someone told me to burn him it would be far less painful than watching United. I don’t really have a friend named Lee but I would burn him just for this joke. Burnley, Brighton, who gives a fuck? Currently, we couldn’t beat a twitter […]

      (@Benglorious) It’s only the third fucking game of the fucking season and I’m already fucking done with fucking football. Unless they bring back VAR and Russians who can literally run forever, I’m switching to rugby. And not the good one. Prediction: Hopes to be dashed quite expertly yet again. 0-0 United. m […]

        (@Benglorious) Brighton will be out for revenge today after United beat them in the 1983 FA Cup final which also saw them relegated from the old First Division. The rules were different back then. Prediction: Pogba to continue his 100% record of being in the news, Sanchez to prove he’s the […]

    (@Benglorious) This has been the worst summer ever. Not only did I get invited to Tom’s “house” for the annual Bifurcated BBQ, but also the only thing on telly for the whole 3 months was Danny Dyer’s daughter getting pumped. *phone rings* …….. …….. What the fuck is a world cup? The WhatsApp […]

     (@Benglorious) The FA Cup final. Today is when we finally see the results of our 38 training matches this season culminate in a tactical masterclass, leading to United winning the most important, if not the only, trophy in European club football. Winning the FA Cup for the second time in his career will […]

  (@Benglorious) Football’s out for summer Football’s out for ever That last one’s probably not 100% accurate but you have to hand some artistic licence to Mr Cooper, whether you’re hanging with him or not. You also have to give the man some serious credit: he literally has a song for every occasion – when […]

    (@Benglorious) It’s always great playing West Ham, especially fifteen times in three weeks. Sometimes we even beat them. Except when Blackburn won the league that one time. Ask your dad. Or Paul. Whichever one actually remembers. Paul. Prediction: Rooney to score from anywhere up to 70 yards away but only if he plays. […]

(@Benglorious) I still can’t believe there’s games left in this shitpot season. At least we’ve got the whole summer to get a break from football. Prediction: Brighton to have an interesting concept, but make poor use of Will Smith, have a terrible plot and just not be a cohesive piece of filmmaking. How can you […]

  (@Benglorious) Can’t believe I’ve only just realised that his name is Arsene and he’s the owner of Arsenal. It’s like they’re twins with unimaginative parents who love butts. Prediction: Wenger to sign off in his last game against United à la Steven Gerrard; by being linked to the Rangers job. Goals for Shaw and Welbeck […]

(@Benglorious) The sun is shining, God of War is up and running, and it’s FA Cup semi-final day. I don’t want to seem like I’m exaggerating when I say this is the greatest day in the history of our species, but it truly is the greatest day ever. Prediction: Goals for Sanchez, Pogba and Smalling give […]

(@Benglorious) I am on holiday so suck your disappointment right on its dick. Prediction: Me to ruin my holiday for me (I’m obvs on holiday alone cos me) by constantly checking my phone to see what great a jokes Brett is tweeting tonight. 0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) What words? Are we playing tonight? On a […]