Benno (@Benglorious): It’s been such a relief having this international break and watching some superb England performances.  I’ve never understood how people can say “club before country”.  Firstly, the national team is obviously better at the football because it’s picked from the best players in the country, which makes their games far more enjoyable to watch.  Twoly, that particular opinion is high treason and this can still be punishable by death.  So next time you...

From the moment the line-up was announced it was fairly obvious what was coming next. The following ninety-odd minutes or so certainly proved to be just that; obvious (keep up).  That’s not to say I disliked what I saw; at least you know what you’re getting when those names appear and you read them to yourself, or out loud (usually in the company of someone else, but it’s not important). After putting my initial cynicism...

  Benno (@Benglorious): Before I begin, I’d like to offer my apologies for my absence from these pages last week.  Ha!  Like anyone even noticed after Brody did his thoroughly researched piece of ghostwriting.  I’d take every weekend off if he was going to fill in for me with such quality, but the fact that I’m having to type this without thumbs goes some way to show how binding my contract is with this website....

With all these twos of goals I feel sorry for the nets.

Brett: Like the old saying goes,  every cloud saves nine, but you can’t make it drink, and I think you’d struggle to find anything better to say about this, or anything, than that.  Even if you had Susie Dent off of Countdown with a really powerful magnifying glass, or perhaps a microscope with a 1000x setting aimed right at a dictionary. Or if you had someone with a really nice voice, like that bloke off of...

Told you that was gonna happen.

Benno (@Benglorious): “Lololololo Radamel Falcao!” Call me old-fashioned, but I believe that tens of thousands of people laughing at their club’s latest signing can’t be good for the player in question’s confidence.  This showed last Sunday as the poor bloke started his United career with zero goals.  Seeing as this is what he was hired for, his new employers can’t have been that impressed.  Imagine a milkman on his first ever round failing to deliver...

*You have reached the voicemail service for Cornelius Biff. Please leave your message after the tone* *BEEEEEEP*

  Benno (@Benglorious): I’m not going to lie, it’s been a couple of emotionally-charged weeks in the Glorious household.  I imagine United’s transfer shenanigans have also left both of you not knowing whether to dance with joy or sob your eyes out.  Not just tears but proper chest-heaving cries and loads of snot running into your mouth tasting like hot, salty yoghurt.   He’s gone.   Two simple words, yet they cut deeper than two...

*Fax machine sounds*

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