First things first … what a way to open your United account! RvP’s goal was a thing of beauty! Now, I didn’t see the whole match, but it’s overtly apparent that the concerns over our defence have not abated. As I wrote in the Everton prediction and reaction, it’s just the way it is for now.  It was a massive plus to see Evans on the bench, hopefully he’ll be available for a start next week. Rafael – who should...

He may no longer play for United, but we have managed to get our grubby little hands on the archived, top-secret, investigations he undertook while he was still under our employment... At Manchester United – without regular football as a distraction – Micky Owen was offered the opportunity to sharpen his detective skills. Along with his spirit guide Eric he provided the club and SAF with something. Answers on a postcard if you’ve managed to work out...

Have we all gotten over the BIGGEST SHOCK OF ALL TIME SHOCKING SHOCKS?! Good, we can begin… The key to this period is patently going to be how Fergie shuffles the few defenders who still have enough of their limbs in working order, along with the squad players he perceives as those who can “do a job” back there. You’d be forgiven for thinking it might be an idea to give the yoof  a chance,...

When within 90 minutes of the start of the campaign we’re having “SHOCK OF THE SEASON” shoved down our throats, the depressing inevitability of Football eventually eating itself crowns on the horizon. Oh Sky! With your patronising repetitive dirge ridden attempts to ingeniously trick us into chucking more money at you, you really spoil us. Aaaanyway … the game was alright. I’m generally an optimist (you may have noticed I only ever predict wins. Maybe I’m just deluded), so...

I have the benefit of writing this after the teams have already come in for once, and unsurprisingly the team looks a little patched up with our recent rake of injuries. It’s a shame, but hey ho, thems the breaks (I don’t usually say stuff like that, sorry). I can’t help but be excited for this season, what with the signing of one of my favourite outside-of-United players in Van Persie. Even before the RvP...

United fan Melissa Hollis (@mel1046) was off out into town, but as she was getting ready she spotted a strange train- station-shaped train station had appeared outside her window (I think we can guess what’s coming by now!). The conductor handed Melissa a £1 coin and wagged his finger in the direction of the platform. There, of course, was only one train waiting to depart, there was only one destination … Canvey Island!   Melissa got off the train and...

He may no longer play for United, but we have managed to get our grubby little hands on the archived, top-secret, investigations he undertook while he was still under our employment... At Manchester United, without having regular football as a distraction, Micky Owen was encouraged to develop his detective skills. Under the watchful eye of his spirit guide Eric he provided the club and SAF with something they would be indebted to him for until his contract...

It’s got Eric in it, which – as happened at United – almost makes everything else that follows an anti-climax, and though having Eric in it is enough (for me and I guess most other United fans), having Eric Cantona the actor playing the part of Eric sadly (for me at least) isn’t. I should have known that Ken Loach wouldn’t really deliver the ‘feel-good’ film that the preview clips suggested, and the darker moments...

Before making your way to the blog images themselves, please press play on the video below for our recommended musical accompaniment…  

Friend of Bifurcated and United fan Iwan Lehnert (@IwanLehnert) who writes his own footy blog Lines and Lines of Whatever alongside sister blog for music reviews Small World Reviews was deciding whether to settle down with a book or flick on the PS3, when he was  disturbed by a menacing tap at the window. It was none other than the Bifurcated Conductor beckoning him with his best version of creepy, using his index finger. He tossed Iwan...

  A few weeks before the Euros, maybe more, I read an article by Owen Jones in The Independent entitled, “The battle that men who aren’t sexist must fight”. It resonated with me, so much so that I was in instantly compelled to write this (in hindsight, incredibly cringe-worthy) message to the author… I just wanted to declare that I’m ready for the battle after your article in yesterday’s I. I’m a football blogger and...