By a click of Paint: A real life grown up exhibition
This week Bifurcated.co.uk has emerged from the backwaters of the Internet and taken up temporary residence in a real life Arts Space. Yes, you heard right – we’re inflicting some of this stuff on the unsuspecting public. If you haven’t stalked me here yet, or more likely don’t have the inclination to, you might not know that I’m an artist. Not as if I’d ever be so crass as to refer to myself as such a thing … apart from...
Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Paul Ansorge
Friend of Bifurcated and United fan Paul Ansorge (@UtdRantcast) – of website United Rant, and the superb United Rant Cast podcast fame – had taken a break from recording to contemplate his connection with the Universe and that. He’d only just stepped outside when his momentary peace was shattered by the incessant hum of impending doom. Woah! Steady on … It’s just the Bifurcated Train! The conductor got right up in Paul’s grill and paused before shouting at the top of his lungs, “FFFFOOOTTTBBBAAAALLLL!!!” Wow! Someone had...
Case file #7.5: Undercover Boss
He may no longer play for United, but we have managed to get our grubby little hands on the archived, top-secret, investigations he undertook while he was still under our employment... At Manchester United, without having regular football as a distraction, Micky Owen was allowed to develop his detective skills. YEAH, YEAH, WHATEVER! LISTEN MICKY THIS IS SAF!!! I’M TAKIN OVER INVESTIGATIONS FER THIS MONTH, ALRIGHT PAL?!YER CAN FORGET YER TWO PART SPECIAL WITH THAT FLOPPY-HAIRED-HAS-BEEN-TWO-FACED...
Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Pauline Gill
United fan and friend of Bifurcated Pauline was (@juliefa2) outside watching Harvey, her cat, stalking a cheeky little sparrow, when what felt like the rumbling of thunder startled them both. There was no storm heading her way though, no … That noise was the Bifurcated Train! The conductor jumped form the carriage and crawled on his hands and knees (? *Cuckoo*) towards Pauline and handed her a £1 coin, before pointing her in the direction of the platform....
Dare to dream
England haven’t won a tournament, again. A concept we have become more than accustomed to dealing with. It still hurts a little/a lot/unbearably (delete as appropriate) and leaves a haunting feeling of, ‘what if?’ drifting through our idle thoughts for the remainder of the summer, but by now we all have our various coping mechanisms hardwired in. Some though, conversely, come to life at the merest sniff of an England failure, preying on people’s misery....
England 0 – 0 Italy
The day after the night before and I started clearing the inbox on my phone. The friends who were sending text messages with 4-0 and 6-0 predictions at kick off, by the end were almost threatening to “top themselves”. I wasn’t really prepared to be witnessing a loss, so was saved from wallowing in defeat, drowning sorrows, by my lack of adequate preparation (I struggle to drink a gallon of tepid lager, without an excess...
England 3 – 1 Italy
Even though I’ve predicted 3 – 1, I expect, as we all do, this to be a very tight game. The goals that win England the game, I’m predicting to come towards the very end of the match, possibly in extra time. Gerrard, from a position of just quietly getting on with it, suddenly has a lot of extra pressure to cope with, as the “England expects” hype machine shifts up through the gears. It’s...
When it comes to penalties
I’ve just had a quick scan through the laws of the game and noticed that penalty shoot-out penalties are not actually referred to as penalties, as we all tend to do, they are in fact “kicks from the penalty mark”. It’s all gone a bit Tannoy/loud speaker system, Hoover/vacuum hasn’t it?! However, I’m not sure I’d side with the purveyors of Partridge-esque pedantry in this particular instance; I quite enjoy the implication the players are being punished for something. Maybe...
