QPR 0 – 2 United
I didn’t watch the game, so relived it later in real-time through the medium of our quasi-futuristic allegorical meta-narrative aka the Bifurcated MBM. From what I can gather: no one got a sofa. We don’t like slippers. Phil Jones took two corners. One of us has lost a PS4 controller. Sean O’Sullivan is 13 times […]
United 0 – 1 Southampton
Well, after Benno got the score right (IN YOUR FACE HAYTERZ!) – which was step one of our seven step plan for World domination – he took his winnings from the beters and instead of investing in step two, he took the opportunity to leave Bifurcated. There was a montage, then he spent all his […]
F.A Cup: Yeovil Town 0 – 2 United
STOP COMING HERE. UNTIL YOU ALL START FOLLOWING @Benglorious – BY FAR THE FUNNIEST AND NICEST OF ALL OF US – YOU’RE JUST NOT WELCOME.
Stoke 1- 1 United
*Iwas at ‘spoons having me Christmas with me Mum and Dad. Ask someone else…
Spurs 0 – 0 United
Apologies. There will be no in-depth analysisying at this difficult time.
United 3 – 1 Newcastle
SHHOOOorrHHHyYY caCLUMPn’t writeCHEWGULP wiCHOMPth chSCOFFBURPocolYUMate iAAAAHn my moSCHLURPuth. YMUNCHou’ll hAHMNOMNOMve to guGARGLEess thFELCHe scoYAWNre.
Villa 1 – 1 United
What are you reading this for when I still have Christmas shopping to do? WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!
United 3 – 0 Liverpool
Relive today’s result like it never happened, in 9D, by scrolling back through the tweets over at: @bifurcated_MBM This is not an endorsement.
Soton 1 – 2 United
Robin Van Persie grabbed two hugely important goals for Manchester United and new manager Louis Van Gaal, as they extended their winning run of games to five – a succession of results not matched by any other Premier League club so far this season. But Soton and new manager Ronald Koeman can consider themselves very […]
United 2 – 1 Stoke
Two “goals” for United. Scored by “players”. One “assisted” by a “team-mate”. One the result of a “set-piece” or “set-play”. Disputable “scorer” of the other “goal”. Because hair. No the other “goal”. The other “goal”. Not that “goal”. Was “headed” into the net. Course it was “headed” into the net. Where else was a “goal” […]
United 3 – 0 Hull
Why are you even here? Didn’t you watch the game? Or at the very least the highlights? People.
Arsenal 1 – 2 United
For the most accurate than irl review of this match read our preview: Arsenal vs United *Same joke as last week, but until you start reading them again, you only have yourselves to blame, mum and dad.