As gunshots rang out and ricocheted across Villa Park, a figure with his pants around his ankles, waddled clumsily into the back of the waiting getaway car.  The tyres screeched away as 12.6 million pounds spilled from the inside of the cab and was hurriedly gathered by the bumbling villa-gers, and thus setting in motion one of the single most incredible achievements in English footballing history.  Dwight Yorke was now a Manchester United player, the fee in old money would have...

We’re not going to show any bias towards our choice – that just wouldn’t be fair on Balotelli. So, of the two young whippersnappers, which would you rather have in your team’s  starting eleven?

Only one thing to say … T.V What would we do without him. Actually, don’t answer that it was a rhetorical question anyway, I’ve seen what we do without him and it’s upsetting.

Just got a feeling that this one is going to be a bit of an “end-to-ender”. There’s obviously a lot of emotion in the air after the unfortunate events in the F.A cup last night and I think this will effect the players on both teams. We never know how we’re going to play at the moment, so it’s probably best to assume the worst, then you don’t get too disappointed. How delightfully pessimistic of me!...

Wow! That’s the best impression of Park, Park has ever done, there really is no defending him … The alarming thing was that he wasn’t the worst United player on the night *Throws glances in the direction of Cleverley, Rafael, Evra, Young, Giggsy*. Ha Ha, obviously that was a joke, Young wasn’t even playing … (What? Sorry I’m trying to do a serious post, do you mind? What? What is it? Oh, he was playing. OH!) Rooney looked like he...

I put £5 on Arsenal overturning Milan last week. Close, but no cigar. So, based on the wild logic that my ability to predict football results is predictably out by at least one goal I’m going for a scoreline that cannot mean United will lose, whoever scores the unpredictable 1 or 2 goal(s). My actual, rational, earth-around-the-sun-self is actually predicting a somewhat different score but for fear of throwing the universe off it’s precisely placed...

I’m still in awe of them from last week … But why not go for a win that’ll put us through? Lets just hope we make a good fist of it (as usual you can substitute that for a cliche of your choosing). If not, then I hope it doesn’t spoil a Bifurcated ‘staff’ night out entirely. We can’t really compete with them if we play like we did last week and they repeat their...

Friend of Bifurcated Rachel Turney  (@rachel_jj2011 ) and Deputy Editor of the Football United Blogs Fanzine was popping next door to borrow some sugar, but as she left the house she was confronted by a train station that had appeared on the door step. The conductor handed her a £1 coin and pointed towards the platform. There was only one train waiting to depart, there was only one destination … Canvey Island! (Yes anoraks, we know, are we going...

Well luck again proved to be our most consistent performer, but better all round today. Signs of Chicha, Welbeck and Rooney working better together, but have had so many false dawns this season that it’s hard to get excited. Aaahh, who am I kidding it’s  really easy to get excited! (I’m still not falling for the trick. We desperately need to buy in the summer regardless of whether we win the title again.) (They probably should have had...

Just can’t see us keeping a clean sheet, but hopefully will have enough luck on our side to get through another game, luck being the only constant we can rely on. YOU DON’T FOOL US ANYMORE WITH YOUR TRICKSY “ALWAYS GETTING THE BEST OUT OF THE SQUAD” NONSENSE. I WANT SOME NEW PLAYERS IN THE SUMMER! Goals: Kylie