(@Benglorious) We can legit just copy and paste last week’s preview while Brett is in Poland: Brett is in Poland so we have no natural leader or a jokes. Prediction:  0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) As above. That aside, pretty good. Prediction: 0-0 United. m (@bifurcated_utd) I’m in Poland. In minus 26 temperatures. Survival is my priority. Prediction: Death. 0-0 United.

Brett is in Poland so he can’t make us learn nothing.

(@Benglorious) We can legit just copy and paste last week’s preview while Brett is in Poland: Brett is in Poland so we have no natural leader or a jokes. Prediction:  0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) As above. That aside, pretty good. Prediction: 0-0 United. m (@bifurcated_utd) I’m in Poland. In minus 26 temperatures. Survival is my priority. Prediction: Death. 0-0 United.

Bahahahahahahahahahaha Graeme Souness. Face. 5 things learned: 1. Beating Liverpool is legit the best. 2. Second is Souness’ salty salty tears. Man forgot how to form sentences hahahahahaha 3. Rashford is better than the thing you like. 4. Poor old Jamie Carragher. Sad indictment of our nation when a grown man can no longer spit into a teenage girl’s face without reprisal. This is like the avocado thing all over again. 5. Crufts.    

  (@Benglorious) Brett is in Poland so we have no natural leader or a jokes. Prediction:  0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) As above. That aside, pretty good. Prediction: 0-0 United. m (@bifurcated_utd) I’m in Poland. In minus 26 temperatures. Survival is my priority. Prediction: Death. 0-0 United.

Mourinho and the United Red Boys of Old Dreams Trafford turned the clock back to the good old days. Of this season. Shit for most of the game. Not shit when we do something not shit. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. I actually got a tiny bit excited about a game for the first time since the war. 2. On drugs. 3. Not my favourite war. Falklands if you’re asking. They say it was...

  (@Benglorious) Prediction: Below is an idiot. They know what he looks like. 0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) No words today due to the Academy’s shameful lack of recognition for Thor. For shame. Prediction: Repost to above: He’s had a haircut. 0-0 United. m (@bifurcated_utd) I’m not doing words cos it’s us playing against a team even worse at football than us. Prediction: 0-0 United.

I don’t need to write anything about the game here, as the 5 things we learned bit below more than makes up the word count. Here’s  5 things we learned: 1. The best bit was tasting Graeme’s salty tears. 2. Other good bits were Lukaku and Pogba and Matic. 3. Sanchez was not a good bit. 4. Maybe we can swap him back but let them keep Mkhyitaryan. 5. That’s pretty good. For one of...

  (@Benglorious) Remember that time we beat Chelsea because Herrera stood on top of their best player for the whole match like a tiny Spanish hat? Well, today we’re fucked because Ander’s only gone and got himself a terminal injury as per BT Sport’s insightful commentary team. Maybe we could just try and beat them without resorting to cheating. Maybe we could just try scoring goals. Maybe we could just try scoring a goal. Maybe...

We had to endure a WhatsApp group chat with real talk from McGhee. This game was bad. Or at least some aspect of it was. Whatever McGhee was talking about. Dunno. Didn’t read it.     Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. So confused. Before the game everyone was mad about Pogba not playing in what looked like a 433 but then he came on really early and we still didn’t win or play that...

(@Benglorious) No idea how Sevilla got to play in the Champions League after being relegated last season, but that Agbonlahor is a hell of a player. Prediction: Hawkeye to actually draw a straight line. Black Widow to confiscate his crayons. 0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) I cannot do words as I am too busy watching the U19s play Liverpool in the last 16 of the UEFA Youth League. Like a real top red supporter fan. You...