(@Benglorious) There are three things about transfer sagas that I can’t stand: 1. Transfer sagas United play Burnley today in what the press are calling The Thriller In Manila Or Something Similar. Let’s hope it lives up to the billa Ing. Prediction:  Goals for both Dyche and Mourinho in a classic stalemate. 0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) I believe I made my position clear last game: no Sanchez no words. Literally the only highlight of...

It was a welcome return to form for Paul Pogba as his two little passes ensured that both Tony V and Martial could not miss their absolute screamers from 20 yards. With Liverpool inflicting the first defeat of City’s momentous title challenge collapse, the only thing that can stand in the way of United and The English Premier League crown this season is the reality of themselves. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. We played...

  (@Benglorious) Can’t believe Stoke got a new manager today. Really can’t believe Stoke got a new manager at all. All I know about Paul Lambert is that he defeated the Kurgan and tasted that sweet, sweet Quickening. Prediction: It’s a kind of magic. 0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) I am not writing another preview until we sign Alexis Sanchez. If we never sign him, so be it. I am a man of principle. I might...

As Jesse Lingered continues to single-handedly win us every trophy we have won in the past 30 years, Jose Mourinho continues to burn them. Here’s 5 things we learned innit: 1. Letting Steven drive is a mistake. 2. Lingard’s goal was good … but his dancing drives me mad !! 3. What game was it?

(@Benglorious) Another Derby match. Let’s hope Andross Townsend behaves in a respectful manner this time unless he wants to wake up on Mourinho’s hotel room floor. Prediction: United to put out a full-strength squad, showing this great competition the respect it deserves. Something Andross Townsend would know nothing about. Lukaku to stay on for one more season at the behest of Uncle Lars. 0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) My preview will be in the medium of...

Rooney sure showed us. BahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahBAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH etc. Here’s 5 things we learnt: 1. Even without some of our first choice players I find it very difficult to believe that United can catch us now. 2. But you’rOh!! It’s a joke! 3. If you have dinner and miss the game the result seems better because you didn’t watch all the bad football.  

(@Benglorious) After I celebrated the dawning of the new year with a glass of apple juice and some dry crackers, I am actually looking forward to today’s game. Not having had anything with any flavour in it for the last few days has given me a true appreciation for Jose Mourinho’s approach to football. Here’s to more of the same in 2018, especially the shitting myself to death part. Prediction: Things to only get better lol....

As we consolidated our position at the top of the any normal English Premier League season table, with another outstanding top of the any normal English Premier League season table performance, we learned 5 things… 1. Explosive diarrhoea is preferable to what we just watched. 2. As is vomiting at the same time. 3. I liked your coffee maker reference in the preview. 4. As a fellow sufferer of said virus, I must say mine...

  (@Benglorious) My Christmas was great right up until the time I got a Christmas virus and I made my toilet look like a cheap coffee maker. The agony and frailty I’m experiencing as I type this still makes me feel better than watching the highlights of our last two games. Prediction: May try solid foods after the match. Will definitely be cleaning the toilet either way. Still better than watching us tbh. 0-0 United....

Messi Lingard saves the day once again. Though actually playing football quite well for 90 minutes might also be worth a try. Here’s another 5 things we learned: 1. hashtagmourihnoout 2. hashtagdychein 3. I wish your dog was dead too tbf. 4. That is too far Brett. Too far by far. 5. It was funny when the final whistle went and grown men got upset by time added/not added on lol. 6. Wow. 6. Nice...

(@Benglorious) It’s Christmas, so why don’t you and Lenny Henry fuck off? Prediction:  0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) Lol. Prediction: 0-0 United   m (@bifurcated_utd) Make us. Prediction: 0-0 United.