United vs. West Ham
@Benglorious) It feels like more months than I can count (three, I think) since Chelsea lifted the Premiership League trophy after a hard-fought battle with Tottenham who really, literally, actually, definitely didn’t bottle it, and, in fact, put so much pressure on, the FA considered creating a new trophy just for them before rejecting it as a fucking stupid idea, along with video referees, sin bins and Sunderland. It also feels like months (maybe three...
EL Final: Ajax 0 – 2 United
AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US! AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US! AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE UUUUUSSSS… WE’RE GONNA WIN THE europa LEAGUE cup!! Here’s 5 things we learned on this historic night for Wayne Rooney: 1. Seems we are now in a Champions League? Also seems Arsenal aren’t. So. Many. Lols. 2. Herrera should remake Roadhouse. 3. Football conquers all. 4. Especially Ajax. 5. And City through the medium of song.
United 2 – 0 Palace
Who cares?! Here’s five thing we learned, but didn’t really care to learn: 1. Labyrinth is on. 2. She’s proper hamming it up. 3. I hope Fitz and Simmons stay together when they get out the matrix. 4. Omg have you not seen the season finale yet? 5. No spoilers yo !! 6. Shit. Already spoiled it by saying there’s a season finale. Sorry dawg
EL Final: Ajax vs. United
@Benglorious) *waits to see what tone the other two are going for with their previews* *wanks whilst waiting* Prediction: United to throw the kitchen sink at Ajax, who send it back glistening because detergent lol. Debut goals for both Marcus and Rashford. 0-0 United. m (@tom_mcghee) I’ve got nothing. I lack the ability to write anything that means something in light of Monday’s attack but with that in mind, I really really...
United vs. Palace
m (@Benglorious) Finally we have come to the final game of the season. No more football after this final game for a whole four years. Or two if you count the Euros. I don’t know about you, but I’m actually looking forward to extra helpings of politics once the football is done. Long live the Queen. Prediction: United to play like they’ve got nothing to lose except this game. And my love. 0-0 United. m...
Southampton 0 – 0 United
We asked Jose Mourinho to comment on the last 6 years of Bifurcated, and he had this to say: The intensity is there. Which is just what I ask for. I could not ask for more. Here’s 5 things we learned when the football interrupted our 90 minutes of doing other things to ease the pain i.e glassing ourselves with glass made from sharks: 1. Football is rubbish 2. There’s these cunts on GTA that...