United’s tactics have come under intense scrutiny after their second half display saw them revert to a flat back eleven. For those of you who are new to Association Football, a flat back eleven is kind of like a flat back twelve but without the extra character bought in on the heist and without the over-elaborate plot twist at the end that totally obliterates the preceding narrative. In Mourinho’s defence (DEFENCE!!) … GEDDIT!!   Here’s...

(@Benglorious)  m When a team lose their manager – as Middlesborough have done during this past week – it’s perceived that the players, fuelled by a feeling of emancipation (whether the players had lost faith, or not) become ‘stronger together’. However, if we delve into the statistics based on performance levels pre and post managers what we actually find is that their is very little basis for this as ‘the rule’.  m Karanka, the former...

This game will be forever remembered for something.         Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Didn’t watch it but got 7 trophies on Tomb Raider instead. 2. Hope this helps. 3. Like 1 but with another game and less trophies. 4. Like 1 and 3 but with a life.

Who knew that a team without Ander Herrera would lose to a team with 97 Kantes spread out over the pitch in parts of the pitch that are undetectable to the human eye?! It’s always good to remember that in losing this game we have successfully avoided all the big teams in the semi-final draw.   Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. That Oliver may get some laughs when he’s ripping on Trump but he’s...

(@Benglorious)  m I’m also probably not gonna manage it because I have very little time and don’t want to RUSSIA it. UKRAINE not be serious. Brett sure is a cunt.  m Prediction: Tom to post our WhatsApp convo as our preview. 0-0 United. m m  (@tom_mcghee) I can’t do words tonight as I’m ROSTOV my feet !!!  Brett do you want to add a third pun? Or do anything? EUROPE I’m not. Glol. Benno was right....

(@Benglorious) Last time we played Chelsea we did something, but that was in the league. This is the real test – the FA Cup. Our last meeting with Chelsea in this competition resulted in something. As the current holders, United need to prove they’re better than Chelsea by channelling the cup spirit of Lincoln and Millwall, because everybody knows it’s spirit than wins trophies -not goals or kids. Prediction: JoMo to pull the ultimate tactical...

Our exclusive fan poll after the game revealed that, of the 665 billion United fans around the world, over 70% would rather eat their own death than watch the second leg of this game. In other news, our Kickstarter to have this game struck from the records has been flagged by the financial ombudsman, as “apparently” one like on Twitter from yourself doesn’t count as a monetary pledge with the bankerers. Here’s 5 things we...

(@Benglorious) I have no fucking idea who Rostov are. I do, however, know what a rosti is – a sat on bag of chips that Tories like to eat. Prediction: Elbohimovic. You can have that one. Unless it can be monetised. Actually, it’d be easier to just send me cash and avoid all the fuss. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say we won’t concede ten goals in this one. 0-0 United. m...