United 1 – 1 Bournemouth
At Bifurcated we have been lobbying for a long time with the footballerers: it’s such a shame these results aren’t recorded in a table or league format, because by my calculations we’d be sitting proud in 6th place, and the whole world would be saying something about it every day of the week, and every week of the month, and every month of the year. Or every day of the year even. Here’s 5...
United vs. Bournemouth
(@Benglorious) Spent so much time making the dankest of memes that I can’t do a preview. What a time to be alive. m Luke Shaw match stats: Interceptions – 6 Tackles – 14 Headed clearances – 3 Take-ons – 11 Dribbles – 29 Pass completion – 97% Assists – 2 Goals – 2 Next game – 2018 0-0 United. m m (@tom_mcghee) Bournemouth is named after Jason Bourne’s mouth; the river idea is a...
EFL Cup Final: United 3 – 2 Southampton
AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US! AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US! AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US! WE’RE GONNA WIN THE LEAGUE cup! Here’s 5 things we learned after our momentous day out at Wemberley: 1. Winning is good when you’re hungover. 2. It’s also good at other times. 3. Can’t decide if Lingard is good or not. 4. I can’t decide if Lingard is bad or not. 5. I remember when I had...
English Champions League World Cup Final
(@Benglorious) If I get time, I’ll do the best Southampton joke there’s ever been. If I don’t get time, I’ll just mention Craig David. Prediction: I may miss the start of the match so someone will have to fill me in. This is our most important match of the last seven days. Pogba was born to do it. What’s your flava? 0-0 United. (@tom_mcghee) Tried to rename this section as the ‘Claudio Ranieri Tribute...
FA Cup: Blackburn 1 – 2 United
Magical Jose Mourinho used the magic of the cup to make magical Zlatan and magical Pogba magically appear on the pitch and magically create and magically score the magical winning magic. And now you’re gonna etc… Here’s 5 magical things we magic: 1. Brett is bad. 2. He was working. If anything he’s a working class hero imho. 3. Agree to disagree. 4. Tory. 5. We won. Get over it. 6. Make me. 6. I...
EL: United 3 – 0 St. Etienne
*Benno didn’t do this review* Here’s 5 things learned: 1. No. 2. Knew you would. 3. Just paste this convo. Our fans will lap it up. 3 RTs guaranteed. 4. Make Knew you would 2. 5. That’s 5. 4. St Etienne’s Only love can break your heart is medically inaccurate. Actually bad information.
FA Cup: Blackburn vs. United
(@Benglorious) Blackburn Rovers gained their unique name in 1911, when, due to all eligible men of footballing age having been called up to fight in the Great War, they had to field an XI comprised entirely of local dogs in their cup tie against Accrington Stanley, who himself had to use a lieu day from his milk round in order to play. After a goalless first half, Stanley managed to break the deadlock whilst the...
EL: United vs. St. Etienne
(@Benglorious) I really like the Europa League. Mostly because we’ve got zero chance of shipping five goals to Bayern Munich. Saint Etienne are the opponents at Old Trafford tonight, and boy do we have some history with them. Google it. Anyway, in lieu of a shite joke about a 90’s indie dance trio, here’s some more famous saints: Saint Bernard – The patron saint of little barrels Yves Saint Laurent – The patron saint of French Saint...