West Brom 0 – 2 United
Another game, another 3 points. But still the same amount of points behind Chelsea as we were before we got that win, and 3 points?! So, what’s the use of points if they don’t get you anywhere? The English Premier League needs to seriously consider restructuring the whole points system imho: if you’ve already amassed so many points, then why do you need more? Wins should count for less for those teams that already have...
West Brom vs. United
(@Benglorious) I’m guessing there’s some more football on today. There’s always football. Was gonna write about that Star Wars thing but I’m pretty sure Tom wants to spoil that for Paul. I enjoyed the PIEEW-PIEEW guns and the VWOMM-VWOMMM stick the most. Rojo penalised. Prediction: Me to never use any lyrics by Brett for reasons. Godzilla to sign in the January window. 0-0 United. (@tom_mcghee) I don’t even like the Star Wars. Why...
Palace 1 – 2 United
United reaffirmed their not drawing all the games ever credentials with a not a draw that takes them within a very tall giant’s breath of Chelsea at the top of the table, and a very, very, very tall man who failed to get his giant’s licence on a technicality’s breath of the Champions League places. AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US!! AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US!! AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US!! WE’RE GONNA WIN THE...
Palace vs. United
(@Benglorious) Crystal Palace are the first team in Premier League history to have two brothers playing for them. They also hold the record for being the only team in the world to have Alan Pardew as their current manager. Prediction: More goals than you can shake a stick at, as long as you like shaking sticks at one goal. 0-0 United. (@tom_mcghee) I had to have a belly laugh at the posts from...
United 1 – 0 Spurs
Still not fully recovered from writing all those words last time around. Bite me. Here’s 5 things that we learned: 1. Mkhitaryan is gud. 2. More than 1 goal would be gud. 3. Where’s my money? 4. Who are we and what are we doing?
United vs. Spurs
(@Benglorious) It’s Christmas time, there’s no need to be afraid: Lads, it’s Tottenham. Prediction: High hopes from the fans to be dashed expertly. 0-0 United. (@tom_mcghee) Where did Sharky and George get their judicial authority? I mean, they were set-up as private detectives yet acted more like an aquatic Batman and Robin (i.e. fascist) Who watches the Watchmen? Which brings me onto my ninth point: Spurs. Tottenham Hotspurs (preposterous name imho) are *sigh*...
EL: Zorya 0 – 2 United
I had to write out 200 words from a WhatsApp convo, so you can suck on your disappointment if you want me to write anything else apart from here’s 5 things we learned from the Europa League glory: 1) Hards pitches equals wins. 2) Cement over Old Trafford pitch. 3) ?????? 4) Profit. 5. Song for Mkhitaryan (to tune of Englishman in New York by Classic the Sting) Whoa-oh, Mkhitaryan Henrik Mkhitaryan, He’s Mkhitaryan...
EL: Zorya vs. United
(@Benglorious) Zorya. Again. Still no idea what they are. What I do know is that their pitch is really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really hard. Just like any pitch near the Arctic Circle, in the middle of winter, would be. Prediction: Expect goals at either end, probably with nets. 0-0 United. (@tom_mcghee) SHOW ME WHAT YOU’VE GOT Night Watch/Day Watch (2004) Russian (we’re playing in Russia. That’s the...
Everton 1 – 1 United
Marouane Fellaini helped extend United’s impressive unbeaten run to an impressive six (6) games, with a last minute cameo that saw United calve out yet another emphatic draw; cementing their position at the top of the top of mid-table. Jose Mourinho said afterwards, “Who said anything about slicing you up, man? I just wanted to carve a little ‘Z’ on your forehead”. Here’s 5 things we did learn: 1. Fuck off. 2. I think...