It was GGMU x Ghost of Fergie x Swashbuckle, as the mighty half dark Reds half light Reds gave the West of Ham one hell of a HAMMERing!** United IRONed** out the crises (creases) in their match day output (outfit), as Zlatan HAMMERed** in a couple, and Tony M HAMMERed** in two also. Elsewhere, Micky T continued to Kagawa his way through the season. And Bastian Schweinsteiger continued to make life look like one big...

 (@Benglorious) Coming out the slums, it’s the hoodlums. I’m pulling my gat out on all you bums. So bring it on when you want to come fight this outlaw, kicking like Billy Ray Cypress Hill. Chill, I’ll bust that grill, grab my gat and load up the steel. And if you want to get drastic I’ll pull out my plastic glock, automatic synthetic material. Burial plots in order, headed down to the Mexican border. Smoking...

I’m not Hashtag Mourinho Out but imagine if that’s how you we started a serious adult sentence. Like your Da. Fergie apparently started out one point better than this. Moyes started out a bit better than that. Van Gaal started out a bit better still. Makes you think. About punching a hole in the Universe with a shark made from Duncan Castles’ face. That aside, pretty good.     Here’s 5 things we learned from,...

 (@Benglorious) It’s a little known fact about our opposition today, but they don’t actually have anything to do with ham. Your best bet is venturing into a local supermarket, where they sell all sorts of different varieties of ham apart from west. You won’t see any football if you do this, though, so it’s a Catch-22 situation. I haven’t read the book. Prediction: Ibra to miss all the sitters but Rooney to get the plaudits...

When Jose Mourinho took the bold decision to throw £30m European Player of the Year 2015/16 Henrikh Mkhitaryan into the starting XI against one of Europe’s averagest clubs, in one of the meaninglessest competitions, few could have envisaged winning the Champions League, F.A Cup and English Premier League Treble, on the very same night!! GGMU!!!! Here’s 5 things we learned from what one maverick expert is calling ‘Return of the Mk’. Me. I’ll be auctioning...

    (@Benglorious) Those two clowns have let that FBA almost-pre-nomination go to their heads recently. So much so that they’re making it look like they told me to write their previews whilst they live the high life, dining on the poshest of foods such as mushrooms and Bisto. Anyway, Firenord are a Dutch team, named after the greatest action hero in the greatest film of all time – Predator (1987). I mean, he wasn’t called...

Keane and Vieira, Keown and Van Nistelrooy, Wright and Schmeichel, Wenger and Fergie, Wenger and Mourinho, Wenger and Dugout, 8 and 2, Title and Winning at Old Trafford, we gave your boys one hell of a drawing. Here’s 5 things we learned from the latest war, in this war to end all wars in wardom: 1. Despite the result – perhaps the greatest injustice since Greedo shooting first – that was the best overall team...