We all saw the match, we all saw Hodgson throw himself off a pre-arranged cliff and we all saw Alan Shearer versus Danny Baker in the I’m The Most Disappointed England Fan-off, but have you seen what some of the brightest football minds of our generation thought about plucky England’s capitulation? Please let us know when you have, but in the meantime here’s five things we learned: 1) England 2) Are 3) Fucking 4)...

BifEUROcated WEEK DOS REVIEW   Tom (@tom_mcghee)       What the fuck Brett? I come into Bifurcated Towers, on the weekend, dodging mad nationalist pensioners, only to find youse pair have done less than me. I’ll be honest, I’ve mainly been playing GTA, watching Sopranos (It’s about the mafia) and watching the football so it’s kinda become one in my mind; can’t see Silvio without seeing old Ronaldo etc. That aside, pretty good. Messi’s...

BifEUROcated Week Uno Review!!!* *That’s funny cos the middle bit where it says ‘Week Uno’ is in white, so you can’t see what it says. What it says, I guess we’ll never know. This isn’t just a lazy/crass cut and paste of our “best” Twitter bits… It is. Bite us. “I despaired when Brett, who shall remain nameless, said we had to do this review, but that was only until I realised how little effort...

Winning cups >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Not winning cups. Here’s the final final five things us learned this season: 1. Hearing rumours Mourinho might be new Manager. 2. Pardew has stolen Ross and Monica’s Dad’s moves. 3. I liked it when Jesse scored the goal that won us the cup. It was like the opposite thing that happened to Liverpool the other day. 4. Remember when Wayne did that acting? lol. 5) Didn’t watch it.

 Benno (@Benglorious) FA Cup Final day is the most important day of the year unless Arsenal are playing. They’re not, so we all dodged a collective bullet this year. Can you actually imagine how big such a bullet, and how big the gun that fired it, would have to be, not even taking into account that everyone in the world would need to organise themselves into some sort of tight group to maximise devastation? We asked the...

Now we’re Twitterfamousers you’d think we’d be too Johnny Big Boots to learn. And you’d be right tbf. Who needs to learn anything when you’re hobnobbing with the Twitterati; drinking pre-mixed Bucks Fizz from posh glasses?! Tell your 3 RT and 5 Like faces to suck on your disappointment. Bite us. But we’re legally obligated to learn (part of the conditions of our bail: after the incident with the fire and the “innocent” orphans), and...

 Benno (@Benglorious) It’s finally the last game of the season. I for one couldn’t be happier that United haven’t got even one more game after today’s clash with Bournemouth, as I’m completely spent after writing in-depth previews for the three hundred or so other matches we’ve played this season. I’m really looking forward to the European Championships, purely because we’re not allowed to write about national teams after that incident in the UEFA headquarters with all...

What a dramatic Sky Sports send off for Boleyn Park, as both teams played their part in a momentous Sky Sports game brought to you in association with Sky Sports, that should have been fondly remembered by generations of Sky Sports viewers for generations of Sky Sports. Sadly, the game will be remembered for the events prior to kick off, as terrifying footage of a bygone era emerged in the form of Teddy Sheringham. I...

 Benno (@Benglorious) I don’t know what all the fuss is about – any idiot can put gifs on a United preview.   Opposition Summary: Cockneys. Loathe them or hate them, they’re a vital part of something very specific to their particular little corner of London. What that is, only the Cockney elders know, and they never grass. ’nuff said, geeze. West Ham play in clarah n’ blu shirts at the Berlin Ground, innit.   Prediction: Vangle to have his masterplan sabotaged...

By the time you read this Manchester City and Arsenal will have drawn 2-2, handing us an opportunity to – despite our best efforts – qualify for next season’s Champion’s League. Imagine that. Jose Mourinho has already said that if this happens he will manage every game, in the 2016/17 Premier League season, in just his thong. The goal was all about Rooney. The result was all about Norwich. The future was all about the...

   Benno (@Benglorious) After being crowned the Premiership League champions earlier in the week, you could forgive our players for having a bit of a hangover for today’s game. You’d also have to forgive them for not playing for Leicester which, quite frankly, is actually unforgivable. Such is life as the French say, except they’d probably say it in their own language which I don’t know the name of.   Opposition Summary:  Norwich are based in...