Benno (@Benglorious) Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. Ticket prices, to be more accurate. Mid-Teejay Island have adopted the controversial Anfield pricing structure to finagle as much money out of fans as is humanly possible, except the Danish team have gone the intelligent route and are actually fleecing the opposition’s supporters. Rumours of £25 Ginsters pasties and £90 pints of Carlsberg abound on social mediocrity. I, for one, welcome this milking of the United...

 Benno (@Benglorious) Sunderland has been in the news for all the wrong reasons this week, but there is definitely Stadium of Light at the end of the tunnel – the lane closures on the A1231 are necessary for the future construction of the New Wear Crossing bridge. Stay patient, Sunderlishmen and women. Opposition Summary: Sunderland AFC are the best team to win the 1973 FA Cup final apart from Leeds United who were the best team...

m Benno (@Benglorious) Two wins on the bouncy castle has had far-reaching effects: Donald Trump, everyone’s favourite Sith Lord, got beaten at something in politics meaning he may not become Supreme Overlord of Earth, but the more important “news” was to do with the (only slightly) lesser evil of the only man who still writes actual letters and is “allegedly” being prepared to take “over” at “United” – Jose Millwallinho (because no-one likes him geddit?!? They...

With heavy heart we bid a fond farewell and wave a tear-stained hanky to the goalless first half feats of yesteryear. Hoping this is merely a blip tbh. Jesse-dawg, Martial-dawg, and Roon-dawg proved themselves to be the swashbuckliest of swasherers, with net-bulging scorings that could shiver the timbers of the mightiest haunted pirate tree on the seven seas. Too soon.     Speaking of seven seas … here’s 5 things three seas took note of,...

 Benno (@Benglorious) Stoke-on-Trent is a unique city affectionately known as The Potteries. With its rich industrial heritage and history, Stoke-on-Trent has respectfully claimed the title of World Capital of Ceramics ( find out from whom and in which competition when/if bothered).  The City boasts many visitor centres, award winning museums, authentic factory tours (authentic factories or tours?!?!), over 25 (OMFG!!) pottery factory shops and the exclusive Staffordshire Hoard (no fucking idea). Come and visit the Trentham Estate with...

The Renonsense under Vangle continues as United go goalistic, with three of those nomerific goals we just love to dine out on. Roonslice’s appetite for records is showing only 50% signs of abating. Titter @ abating. Juan Mata also ladled himself a tasty slice of goal-stew. But the guest of honour at the net-bulging banquet was Daley Blind who we’d all love to nosh off.       Here’s 5 learnings you may not have...

tokyosexwayne  Benno (@Benglorious)   Derby (pronounced Derby) is the UK’s most central city, a great place for a cultural break and a great base to explore nearby Peak District delights. A really friendly place, great value for money and very easy to get around, you’ll feel welcome right from the start, so visit soon and discover Derby for yourself! [citation needed]   Opposition Summary: Derby County F.C. was founded in 1884, by William Morley (as an offshoot of Derbyshire...

Another resounding anti-win sees Vangle’s Army cement 5th place and move that bit closer to automatic misqualification for the Europaldi League, next season. The philRooneylastminutepenaltyosophy was all set until Charlie Austin powers inI SAID AUSTIN POWERS!!!! I’ve forgotten my point.     Like our beloved United players on the Twits … here’s some learnings we won’t be doing in the aftermath of this … I want to say ‘game’?: €) I’m not sure Vzzbxt is...

m  Benno (@Benglorious) There were two things Benno loathed more than anything in the world: Talented colleagues and talking about Benno in the third person in a pastiche of Tom’s homage to a parody of that thing he writes occasionally. Wait, that’s three things. Four if you include me. Oh. This isn’t the five things we done learned bit. I’ve forgotten my point.   Prediction:  Southampton are a good side in much the same way that...

Marryone and Roonskiparinhoaldoski keep the march to successfulness victorious victory alive and banging, with the old one two how’s your grandma glorious boom times while instantaneously elevating themselves above the aboveness that they’d already elevated themselves above in the past, present and future. Klopp can take his gangnamstyle and go and get his coat on and go and get in it and go and get a taxi and go and get in it and go...

m  Benno (@Benglorious) To take my mind off the football I’m currently watching Making a Murderer. If this show had been one of those schlocky American 1-hour specials nobody would be talking about it, but spread it out over ten shows on a paid subscription service and suddenly it’s the greatest crime show there’s ever been. It’s not. That award goes to Murder, She Wrote, which fought off stiff competition from Quincy, M.E. and Jonathan Creek. I’ve forgotten my...