Didn’t see it. I did hear Vangle saying everything was against us. Which sounds pretty unfair, and makes coming away with a draw a very sound result. I’ve just made a list of all the things I know (below) and even if it was only these things that were against us it would be especially hard, and I’m fairly sure I only know about half of everything…   1. Crisps. 2. Jumpers. 3. Post-it Notes....

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Benno (@Benglorious) After being forced to make a grovelling apology to the entire writer’s room at Bifurcated Towers for my serious preview last week (THAT WAS THE JOKE FFS), I am pleased to confirm that normal comedy service will be resumed this week after all my internet privileges were revoked and four of my fingers were broken “for your own good.  Now try and get linked on ESPN, you Judas.” United visit Cambridge tonight (yes,...

I didn’t watch the game, so relived it later in real-time through the medium of our quasi-futuristic allegorical meta-narrative aka the Bifurcated MBM. From what I can gather: no one got a sofa. We don’t like slippers. Phil Jones took two corners. One of us has lost a PS4 controller. Sean O’Sullivan is 13 times more popular than we are (if we can just somehow get his fingerprints on this lead pipe, he’ll soon be...

Benno (@Benglorious) Coming off a defeat at home to Southampton last week, it’s easy to understand people’s frustrations starting to boil to the surface.  Van Gaal has, and has had from the start of his tenure, more leeway than the previous manager of Manchester United purely because of his outstanding achievements in the sport.  David Moyes was always on a hiding to nothing unless he seamlessly continued Sir Alex Ferguson’s legacy, but Van Gaal’s teams...

Well, after Benno got the score right (IN YOUR FACE HAYTERZ!) – which was step one of our seven step plan for World domination – he took his winnings from the beters and instead of investing in step two, he took the opportunity to leave Bifurcated. There was a montage, then he spent all his money on penny whistles, moonpies and goofballs … and the rest he wasted. Then he came back and there was...

Benno (@Benglorious) Southampton are yet another of those teams that played Sunderland one day and stole their kits.  Seriously:  why do so many teams have the same kits?  I may be colour-blind, but even I know there’s enough colours in a set of Crayolas for every team to have a different colour shirt.  Southampton could easily have a Burnt Sienna home shirt and a Jazzberry Jam away one.  They could even do a third strip...

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