Newcastle United 1 – 0 United
This game brought to mind that famous trip to the toon, when Cantona shanked a scrappy away goal, after we’d played so bad in a really poor game minus the goal and plus one for them and Eric is young and ginger and also plays for them, and the goal is better and from a different angle entirely and don’t think Andy Carroll was there either tbh. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Clothes...
Newcastle United vs. United
(@Benglorious) It’s telling how bad we are because I suggested we go clothes shopping instead of watching the match. Prediction: Misogyny to finally catch up with my weary bones. My weary bones not caring. 0-0 United, not us United, them United. M (@tom_mcghee) Remember back in days of yore when Kev went batshit with that “I will love it love it if we beat them” malarkey because the rivalry was intense and both teams...
EL: AZ Alkmaar 0 – 0 United
New. Lows. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Made the Arsenal game look like the treble season 2. “moribund” – Phillip Parsons, The Times 3. It was a lot like a lot of Simpsons jokes 4. Sherlock and his father have a very tense relationship 5. There’s definitely blame on both sides
EL: AZ Alkmaar vs. United
(@Benglorious) Are they playing M (@tom_mcghee) Beginning to question youse guys commitment this season what are we Manchester United lol oh right M (@bifurcated_utd) Geno baso didn’t remember/care
United vs. Arsenal
(@Benglorious) Prediction: Change of Luck? M (@tom_mcghee) Prediction: Forgot to reply to this. That’s not a good sign re: words imho M (@bifurcated_utd) Luke Shaw returns to the side after his final treatment in the long since documented series of minor cosmetic adjustments in his bid to become Gary Barlow in 1995, so, expect everything to change but U(nited). Them two abso not contributing to this really impacts my genius. Prediction: No-on cares, unless we...
EFLC: United 1 – 1 Rochdale (5-3 pens)
The reds go marching on, lol. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Great round for Uniteds 2. Bad luck Spurs 3. Pogba’s contribution to the penalty shoot out was inspired 4. I didn’t see it. I was watching Elementary, which is a show about Sherlock Holmes and Lucy Liu 5. No-one was watching it it wasn’t on television, the only way to respectfully watch football
EFLC: United vs. Rochdale
(@Benglorious) Are we actually playing Prediction: Probably are actually playing M (@tom_mcghee) We’re not doing words tonight are we I think I speak fro everyone when I say nobody gives a fuck Prediction: Rochdale innit? Caravan Cup (@bifurcated_utd) Fuck the children. Prediction: No-on cares, unless we win, and, or lose.
West Ham 2 – 0 United
As Phil Jones and Ed Woodward watched on and may, or, may not havNo, can’t even pretend to give a fuck. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Mid-table team now I’m very sad 2. Shampooing my carpet was more exciting than the match 3. How have we forgotten how to play football it really isn’t that complicated a game I blame everyone and everything 4. We always lose to west ham all other results are...
West Ham vs. United
(@Benglorious) Spam. Prediction: Brett will post this above Tom’s, so, the a joke won’t work. M (@tom_mcghee) I would really like to but also I really can’t be bothered feels like we’re always playing West Ham and I’ve run out of pork based puns. Prediction: Brett will predict that Benno will predict etc (@bifurcated_utd) Embarrassed for those guys right now. Prediction: Benno will predict I will ruin his a joke, by posting it above Tom’s.
