Ben (Benglorious): Sunderland are the only team in the Premiership that use the full “A.F.C.” in their name.  Apart from Arsenal when they shorten their name and say the whole thing as an acronym.  Or Aston Villa when they both acronym (verb?) their name and drop the “Villa” bit.  And West Bromwich Albion when they do the same but not with “Villa”; they’d need to drop the “West Bromwich” bit as their name doesn’t contain...

Whoever the new Louis van Gaal is, I really hope they make Giggsy their number two. The Moyes toll taken on the players was visibly lifted and, well, it’s obvious why. Keeping Scholesy and Bicky Nutt involved in some capacity would again serve the new Louis van Gaal very well – whoever the board choose to charge with Louis van Gaaling us. It’s been nice to be able to watch press conferences again. To be...

Ben (Benglorious): The season was over for us long ago, so I still have no idea why I have to write these things.  It’s not like anything momentous has happened at Old Trafford this week…………………………………………………………….. HA!  You were expecting my phone to ring there, but the joke’s on you:  I’ve actually been keeping abreast of the football news this week.  For example: Alison Moyet got sacked as Everton manager on Tuesday and Diana Rigg is...

I’m saying nothing. That doesn’t count. Nor that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Neither does that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Nor that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. That doesn’t either. Or that. Or that. Or that. Nor that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. That doesn’t either. Or that. Or that. Or that....

Ben (Benglorious): Not really sure if there’s any point writing anything today.  Liverpool are cruising to the title as we speak, and I’m pretty sure that is one of the harbingers of the apocalypse.  Don’t quote me on that; it’s been a while since I read that Bible thing.  I suppose I should fulfil my contractual obligations to this website, before I spend the rest of my Bank Holiday finding a cheap lawyer to get...

Unlike Fergie, Moyes didn’t have the luxury of a Michael Owen on the bench in the big Champions’ League game, or even a Berba to leave out completely … and so the result in the end was inevitable. Rooney. Rooney. Rooney. Rooney. Rooney. Rooney. Hey?! Carrick. Carrick. Carrick. Carrick. Carrick. Carrick. Hey?! *note to self: try mixing that vocal loop over some dubstep later. *note to self: find out what ‘dubstep’ is. For what it’s worth (About...

  Ben (Benglorious): It’s here at last.  The big one I’ve been waiting for.  It’s been over a week since I last glued my eyes to something of such importance and intensity.  In the meantime, I’ve had to settle for the non-match of a comfortable win against one of the other Uniteds (I forget which).  Even Mata bagging his first brace (as predicted by me for a different match entirely) wasn’t enough to take my...

The massive contract, the neglecting of the rest of the squad for the whole season, kissing Wayne’s gluteal folds in public view, trying to replace the devil on the crest with Rooney’s face, all worth it, as Moyes finally gets the best 90 minutes out of Wayne Rooney for years. What a joy: Shinji, Juan, and Adnan. Imagine inviting Danny to that party. The football even rubbed off on Ashley Young. And even Fellaini …...

Ben (Benglorious): Newcastle, as far as I’m aware, does not have a new castle.  Nowhere does.  Castles haven’t been built anywhere for hundreds of years [<<check this].  It should, therefore, be called ‘Oldcastle’.  However, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t have an old castle either [<<check this as well], and seeing as there isn’t a name for a castle of an intermediate  age [<<should be checking as you go, d*ckhead, the whole paragraph depends on these things being...

If you’re a regular visitor to the site (Hi, Cathy Ferg!) you may have noticed I haven’t been writing much?! Or, perhaps you’re here because you’ve heard about the festival and you wanted to have a little nose around? Maybe you Google searched Bifurcated fan and was expecting to find accessories for your loft conversion, or for your 1980s action movie stunt sequence re-enactment?  Either way, hello – I’ve been organising a festival: www.fofi.org.uk It’s...