Ben (Benglorious): Champions League quarter finals, eh?  Whodathunkit after the season we’ve had, eh?  Hang on…  Why are they called ‘quarter finals’ anyway?  Do the matches only last twenty-two and a half minutes or are we only allowed two and three-quarter players on the pitch?  I suppose nobody will ever know. I did some research into our opponents, and it turns out that this is the first time we’ve ever played Bayern Munich.  We did...

“It can only get worse”, said Bifurcated David earlier this week – after that derby – and he might be right. He usually is … when he copies what I say, but as I don’t really listen to him when he’s talking about his own opinions, I’m not sure what his track record is like. He wasn’t right so far. That was one of them that felt like a Fergie type result. Some strange selections,...

  Ben (Benglorious): Just a short one today as I’ve got a lot of flight checks to go through before my trip over M16 this afternoon. Prediction: Robin hat-trick to make it mathematically impossible for City to catch us and clinch our 20th title. 1-0 Villa. About the author: I’ve never actually flown a plane before. Eyes to the skies, people!   Brett: What’s with playing this game so close to the Bayern game?! How...

All you need to know about this book is conveyed by the choice of titles for the chapters. This is a different book if released at a later date. A better book. A much better book. Yep, that’s it. I already said the bit about the chapters. That really is it.

If Moyes was trying to upset me, then he was going about it in exactly the right way in attempting to replace Carrick with Tony in the opening ten minutes. Carrick was injured, so potentially needed replacing – I get that – but why not bring on Fletcher? In readying Tony, Moyes gave one of the clearest indications yet of how helpless he feels. The other team have scored a goal in the opening minute,...

  Ben (Benglorious): For starters, why are they called ‘City’?  They don’t have a cathedral as far as I can remember, just a stadium that nobody can spell the name of.  Regardless of their glaring misnomer, they’re still a team to fear:  literally banging in more goals than West Ham and with far fewer defensive lapses than Arsenal. I remember when City were just another team to demolish twice a season, but then Steve Lomas...

  Whisper it quietly – not just because of that goal* – Rooney looks like he’s actually starting to enjoy playing for us a again. Who’d have thought it? WHO?! I want names and numbers!! ANSWER ME?! Two wins in a row. We’re practically back to our best. Because it was MY BIRTHDAY – I didn’t want any birthday wishes on here, or through twitter anyway – I didn’t watch the game, which saves me...

Ben (Benglorious): What a week, eh?  Finally got confirmation about my new flat and also going to save one whole pence off every pint I don’t buy.  Oh, and United somehow remembered that they were United and well and truly spanked those Greeks to earn a clash against some no-mark German team in the next round of the Champions League. Today we visit Upton Park, named after Billy Joel’s classic 80’s hit Tell Her about...

Bifurcated David texted me at the end of the first half to say: That’s my team. *Yeah, no kisses again. Noted.

Ben (Benglorious): Here we are at last.  The defining match of our pitiful season, 2-0 down to arguably the weakest team left in the Champions League.  I say “arguably” simply because that’s the done thing and I can’t bring myself to say that actually we’re the weakest team left.  Unarguably. We all know Moyes won’t get fired if we don’t qualify, but we’ve all got our fingers, toes and eyes crossed in hope.  Or desperation....