D Is the smile that you put on my face, by adding a colon and a dash, or no space  : -D . A That’s your rating: A-star at A-Level. The composure of Eric, and the soul of a Neville. . NN The Zs from ‘Zup Zup’, turned up on their side. Though no smuggled letters can deny you’re Dat Guy. . Y The catapult, aimed straight at my heart. Or a question for Moyes:...

The thing about Arsenal is etc…

I thought I’d just list a few positives: Tom Cleverley did nothing wrong. Rooney did a proper celebrate. Juan Mata. Juan Mata’s assistingness. We’ve set a new record for most crosses. Carrick’s taking his beard seriously. The Universe is rebalancing after all the late goals we’ve scored in the past. We’re going to win the Champions’ League. *press play* Full highlights from the game…

    Ben (Benglorious): By now, you should have experienced enough fallout from the Fulham travesty to be screaming for Moyes’ head to be removed, covered in tar and placed next to that unlucky Stark fellow’s bonce on the ramparts of King’s Landing.  A bit of sword-breathing, topless dragons and incestuous dwarf-action would serve as a very welcome distraction from the Afternoon of a Gazilbillion Ineffectual Crosses we all witnessed on Sunday, but who can...

United fan, football writer, and good friend of Bifurcated Darren Richman (@darrenrichman,  Darren at Mirror.co.uk ,  Darren at Squawka.co.uk, Darren at ROM) was listening to British Sea Power’s Canvey Island, and considering asking if this here Canvey Island was named after that there Canvey Island. The short answer is no. The longer answer is also no, but with a few hundred extra words thrown in by way of an explanation. Do you want toOH! Here’s the Bifurcated Train!!!!...

  Ben (Benglorious): I should know a lot about Fulham.  I once lived in Hammersmith, which meant Coward House (not the Kiwi band) was my closest Premier League ground for nearly five years (Stamford Bridge was pretty close as well, but seeing as it’s also in Fulham you can just count everything I say for Chelsea as well).  Let’s see:  They play in white;  Their owner also owns a big shop, but ironically it’s not somewhere...

Stoke. Wet & Windy. Obligatory joke. Tears. Gets back into bed.

    Ben (Benglorious): This is my second effort for Bifurcated.  I’m assuming I’m supposed to write something purely because: 1) I haven’t been told otherwise; b) I haven’t been killed with murder; and, iii) I literally have nothing better to do with my time.  Just realised that this will also be Mata’s second outing re: United so that makes us the same.  Well, not quite the same; I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing a...