Postgame

Wayne “Roondawg, Skipperdy-Skip-Skip, Capper-Roo” Rooney returned to the first team and inspired a resounding victory against one of Europe’s averagest teams, who could make Dundee United look like 1990’s Ajax. And made everyone look relatively great again, in a competition that defies context, meaning, or worth. Great times. Paul Pogba, the second best of all […]

After all the pre-match hype, and all the talking up of the game before it happened, and all the big build up, Liverpool got the 0-0 thrashing they deserved. Paul Pogba once again proved tha haterz have some valid points with regards to his relative value. Ander Herethereandeverywhera more like.     Here’s 5 thingzies […]

If only we’d known over the past ten years, that, every terrible first touch, Hollywood ball into the stands, attempted chip, shin, face plant, frustrated arms in the air, hair transplant, contract dispute, sex with grannys, misplaced 3-yard pass, misplaced 4-yard pass, misplaced 5-yard pass, misplaced 6-yard pass, misplaced 7-yard pass etc … was a […]

Four one that was a good result BOOOM!!! As in ‘for me’. Cos the score was four goals to one. Tonight we’re gonna review like it’s 2-2-2-2012 on Twitter. Hold up it is!! Big Willy style innit. Not for you Mcghee. Football??!! Bloody hell!!! That’s mine. Last week we were all crying into our pot […]

Lashitinfromayradfromgoallikehthehammerlegendyourareford more like. In other news: Skipper Roo finally silenced his critics with a display of such wanting-to-chainsaw-your-eyes-out-with-a-chainsaw-made-from-barbed-wire-so-you-can-never-suffer-watching-him-play-football-again depths. We all killed ourselves irl and that’s why we are silent, is the a joke. I’m writing this from beyond the grave. Tell my mum to feed the cat. And not the oily tuna. It plays […]

In a classic case of life imitating art – THAT’S RIGHT!!! WE ARE ART FUCKOS!! – Exactly what us said was gonna happen, actually went and happened, apart from the bit that happened at the end, that we didn’t say would happen exactly. After wrapping up the EPL against Southampton, we have now had our […]

Oh how we missed our talisman/leader/creator/boss/inspiration/MVP/top dawg. Nasri. Here’s 5 thi etc… A) Rojo more like oh no! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha but seriously so bad. 6) One of their chants meant ‘Zlatan is a Chloe’. No idea but as long as it’s not bad I think this is great. VI) Had legit forgotten Memphis was a thing. […]

Now we’re world famous across all 3 continents, after being nominated for the FBAs, we have no time to watch this shit – what with all the after-dinner mints, meating and grating, and opining of Supermarkets. Oooh, ruddy Tescos. Tesno more like. Our PA told us to say lol @ Bravo’s footwork and his ability […]

We haven’t witnessed scenes like this at the Cake-Con Stadium since ‘Cake-Con ’03’ and the scenes with the cake and the scenes. In. Cred. Ib. Hull. Scenes. That’s mine. You can use that to make new friends in awkward social situations. Aka Brett’s life. Rashdawg utilised a loophole in matchday squad/substitution administration to circumvent Jose’s ageist […]

“Remember when we won the league after two games. That was today.” Says it all. ‘Says it all’, although integral to the point, and acting somewhat as a qualifier/modifier (delete whichever is somewhere near closest to the appropriate rhetorical device) to the point being made, doesn’t count as an extra sentence, the top sentence stands […]

Bournemouth were left speechless – GEDDIT?! cos mouth – as Juan Marta – GEDDIT?! cos sub – Wane Rooney – GEDDIT?! cos last 21 years – and Zlatan Ibrahitthenets – GEDDIT?! cos goals – hit them for six divided by two – GEDDIT?! cos maths and idiom*. If the English Premier League stopped right now […]