Out of Office until 4th January

Starting to think sacking Mourinho was a good idea after all. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Pretty sure Rashford’s mum and dad are Maradona and Pele 2. Pele definitely not the dad 3. lol because of his limp member 4. lol

    (@Benglorious) There’s nothing better than a top of the table six-pointer the day before New Year’s Eve. Except for smart water. That shit is tight. Prediction: Goals for all the players who pooped in Jose’s kettle at the Lowry. 11-0 United. M  (@tom_mcghee) I am out of the office until Jan 4th. Please direct all enquiries to someone who gives a fuck. Prediction: Valencia to be the best captain he can be and...

We’ve written “a lot”, so, no need to fill with this introduction this week.       Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Now we definitely know. 2. Stream was so bad I couldn’t really watch it. First half was ok but then it kept freezing loads then it went back in time, then it started jumping back in time and then to now (then) so I missed the third goal. I tried to restart...

  (@Benglorious) They should rename Boxing Day as Pooping Day because that’s all I’ve been shifting out that end all morning. From log cabins to rusty water and all the varieties of pebbledash in between, I haven’t even had time to try on all my new socks at once because I’ve been practicing surrealism on a porcelain canvas. Fucking love Christmas. Prediction: Many goals for players who dropped tools on Mourinho, many apps, many dancings....

Found this picture of Manchester United Manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer in our Media Library … no idea. In preparation for the next game, the main focus over the next few days has to be getting Tom to get a better face to put Ole’s face on to, after Benno and (to a lesser degree) Brett abso nailed it.   Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Now we know. 2. Yo, Slick, blow. It’s drivin’ me...

    (@Benglorious) I haven’t been this excited about a former United legend becoming our manager since 2015 when I took us through 5 unbeaten seasons in all competitions on PES 2016. Now I’m not saying Ole has a lot to live up to, but I was also playing, captaining, and taking home the golden boot every season with an average of 73 goals. Anything less than this level of success and I think we...

He never learned from our learns. Here’s 5 things we learned – dedicated to the memory of Jose Borinho, cos borinBAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA how have we not used that befoBAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA!!   1. Conceding two goals to that weird troll man is a damning indictment (his legs are far to short for his weird body) 2. Something about a clothing range proving something or other 3. Fuck all these guys fuck em right up...

  (@Benglorious) Prediction: See below. Also cba. M  (@tom_mcghee) Haven’t done words today as I believe my silence will inspire the team. Also why not wait until after the game and then base our preview on the result? We’ll look like Nostradamus. Prediction: Waiting until after the game to base our preview on the result to look like Nostradamus. M (@bifurcated_utd) Prediction: See above. Also cba,

Did you really expect any of us to watch this game? I mean seriously??!! Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Someone should just disband Manchester United. Release the players back into the wild. 2. Not Phil Jones. At this point the most humane thing is a mercy killing 3. I liked it when Pogba missed from 4yrds 4. Dead rubber smell bad 5. Plenty of people are dissing Band Manchester United, and no-one is requesting...

(@Benglorious) YEE-HAW HEAD ‘EM UP RIDE ‘EM OUT etc Prediction: Rubber to not have been invented yet. Hat-trick for Pogba plus a brace for Lukaku. 0-0 Valencia M  (@tom_mcghee) Why is it a dead rubber?* We don’t call a game that counts a live rubber. Rubber discrimination? Not for me to say but obviously yes. *The actual etymology of ‘dead ‘rubber’ is from the card game ‘rubber bridge’. A from of contract bridge, rubber bridge...