United 4 – 1 Fulham
Not taking any credit for this but my stream was perfect throughout the game, so… Here’s 5 things we learned as United continued on their voyage of discovering what it feels like to finish 6th in the Premier League table: 1. It is clear now from that one game that Paul Pogba is a consumate fraud and he is solely and entirely to blame for our current plight. 2. It is clear now from...
United vs. Fulham
(@Benglorious) Well, Howdy partner. I didn’t (do words) also won’t (do words). Prediction: Well, Howdy partner. I didn’t (do words) also won’t (do words). 0-0 United. M (@tom_mcghee) ‘Who is the best Ham’? is a question that has plagued mankind since we first met pigs and subsequently ate them. In this essay I will try to answer this enigma wrapped inside yet another smaller enigma, itself hiding within Brett’s spleen and/or hairline either way surgery...
United 2 – 2 Arsenal
Mourinho avoided handing Arsenal the Premier League Title at Old Trafford and didn’t kick a boot into David Beckham’s face after the match, so, should be seen as a vast improvement on the Fergie Era imho. Here is another 5 things we learned, taking our total tally of learns over the last 4 years to an impressive 2: 1. Bad defending is ok as long as you endanger the opposition in an exciting manner...
United vs. Arsenal
(@Benglorious) Well, look who it is! Howdy pardners. Y’all ready for the rootinest, tootinest, wildest show in the West? Course ya are. Shame it’s United then. Prediction: Dat Guy Welbz to run rings around our midfield, broken foot and all. HMS Belfast to run rings around our midfield. Fuck it – Jupiter to run rings around our midfield. 4-1 United. M (@tom_mcghee) The Joker actually said ‘this town needs an enema’ (Jack Nicholson, 1989). Now...
Southampton 2 – 2 United
Not quite the -25 – -25 thriller the finest experts in the land were predicting but the perfectly executed plan to leave Mark Hughes available in the summer when United are looking for a Director of Football to provide the essential guidance Jose Mourinho requires for the remainder of his odyssey… Here’s 5 things we learneded: 1. Mark Hughes may be an awful man and an even worse manager 2. I’ve forgotten my...
Southampton vs. United
(@Benglorious) Howdy, pardner. It’s time to dust off yer six-shooter and mount up. Tonight, we ride. By tonight I mean late afternoon, and by ride I mean scrape another goalless draw. The Pools panel (ask yer da) must hate us. Prediction: All posses joined immediately and all missions completed with no software crashes. Lol more chance of a free-flowing high press from Mourinho. 0-0 United. M (@tom_mcghee) My words are like my feelings of respect...
UCL: United 1 – 0 Young Boys
The warm up act to Mourinho’s performance art piece was every bit as exciting as Mourinho’s performance art piece. Here’s 5 things we learnzied: 1. Jose knows and can anticipate when a camera will be turned on him; each action is premeditated and deliberate, he is the living embodiment of the showman. Or he was just annoyed Marcus missed a sitter. Hard to tell tbh. 2. Man does that guy sure hate water tho. 3....
UCL United vs. Young Boys
(@Benglorious) Long days and pleasant nights, pardner. Mosey on over here, take a load off and wash some of the trail out ya throat. No need to be afeared, buddy, I won’t bite ya. You like stories? An old timer like me, I got lots o’stories. Lemme tell you about this gang I knew back in the day. Great bunch of lads, real close like. Absolutely unstoppable. Swept other gangs aside from any county you...