Burnley 0 – 2 United
To drive traffic to the Bif site we have put the word Google in to this opening paragraph. All we need do now is wait for Lady Fame to come a-knocking… Here are the 5 things we feel most beneficial to share with you all from the any number of things (5) we learned: 1. Best team in the world. No question. 2. The reason Magdalene College is pronounced ‘maudlin’ is because of...
Burnley vs. United
(@Benglorious) I have a friend named Lee and if someone told me to burn him it would be far less painful than watching United. I don’t really have a friend named Lee but I would burn him just for this joke. Burnley, Brighton, who gives a fuck? Currently, we couldn’t beat a twitter 6-a-side team, but tbf those must actually be pretty good due to the amount they’re mentioned. Prediction: Boos, cheers, gasps, laughter,...
United 0 – 3 Spurs
The “conjecture” after the “contest” seems “medialised” around Jose Mourinho, and his “legislative” performance, which is exactly what “they” want. Do yourselves a favour and put “” around words, so, you look “engaged” and “perceptive” and Google synonyms, so you can “echo” what other people “orate” but with your own “diacritic” stamp on it and “feign” you are “perished” clever on Twitter. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Using a chainsaw to remove tree...
United vs. Spurs
(@Benglorious) It’s only the third fucking game of the fucking season and I’m already fucking done with fucking football. Unless they bring back VAR and Russians who can literally run forever, I’m switching to rugby. And not the good one. Prediction: Hopes to be dashed quite expertly yet again. 0-0 United. m (@tom_mcghee) ‘Lads, it’s Spurs’ used to be the lightsaber of football words i.e. from a more civilised age when things...
Brighton 3 – 2 United
This Premier League season continues to race along like a Roller Coaster in a travelling temporary funfair which was signed off by the guy on work experience: one week your enjoying the unparalleled sensation where fear and adventure abound and the next week your dead. Here’s 5 things we learned that we have never learned before. This checks out (but don’t check this (out)): 1. Brighton might be the greatest team of all time and...
Brighton vs. United
(@Benglorious) Brighton will be out for revenge today after United beat them in the 1983 FA Cup final which also saw them relegated from the old First Division. The rules were different back then. Prediction: Pogba to continue his 100% record of being in the news, Sanchez to prove he’s the new Rooney rather than the old Rooney he’s been since he got here. 0-0 United. m (@tom_mcghee) I quite like...
United 2 – 1 Leicester
CHAMPIONEEEES!! CHAMPIONEEEES!!! OLAY!! OLAY!! OLAY!! That’s right … Mushrooms and Skin Cream. Mushrooms and Skin Cream. Here’s 5 things we learned (we actually learned 6 things but Brett’s 6th thing was diss on the NHS, so, he is a “bad” “guy”): 1. Winning is definitely better than losing. 2. Ladies and gentleman we have ourselves a left back* 3. *results based on low-calorie diet. 4. Sanchez is the new Depay/Di Maria/the guy we...
United vs Leicester
(@Benglorious) This has been the worst summer ever. Not only did I get invited to Tom’s “house” for the annual Bifurcated BBQ, but also the only thing on telly for the whole 3 months was Danny Dyer’s daughter getting pumped. *phone rings* …….. …….. What the fuck is a world cup? The WhatsApp joke that Brett mentioned once you read it in the future was actually stolen from a Twitter DM group, which in...
