(@Benglorious) It’s been so long since the last football I’ve actually had to watch some normal telly instead. Here are my findings:   Project Runway All Stars Smug Americans do a sew and also bitch about each other. Watchable, like Everton.   The Apprentice Smug Brits do business studies GCSE and also bitch about each other. Watchable, like West Ham.   Planet Earth 2 Smug animals prance about a bit and also bitch about each...

United RE-LIT THE MATCH of title challenges, with a ROCKET from Pogba and a couple of SPARKLERS from Zlatan, and a FIRE performance that would have made Guy Fawkes proud. Except they completed what they set out to do. Although in conceding a goal in the second half, they actually were getting quite close to the aforementioned na Here’s 5 toffee apples of knowledge we devoured: 1) We always win when I don’t watch the game....

 (@Benglorious) Jose has a lot to do to change United’s fortunes after suffering his eighty-ninth consecutive defeat earlier in the week. Another forty defeats or so and he may have to seriously start worrying about his job, particularly as David Moyes has won more games than him and is also available without a notice period as he is the literal worst at contact negotiations (see: Rooney, Wayne). Prediction: Pogba to score one goal for every pound...

Jose Moruinho more like. That’s actually pretty good. For us. You can’t have that one. Here’s 5 things we learned, aside from the fact we are pretty good at mixy-letter-word jokes: 1. I have no idea what is going on at United but it is actually bad. 2. Luke Shaw really needs to hit the gym. 3. Zlatan really needs to hit Skrtel. 4. I blame Brexit. 5. United are currently leading City in the...

 (@Benglorious) Fuck. Forgot we were playing.    (@tom_mcghee) I did not forget I just cba. It’s our professionalism that separates us from our peers. Copy and paste the last Fenerbahce one for us? Thanks guys, you’re the best (worst). m   (@ttackattackattack) Lol my internet has been broke all day.  

Another day, another 0-0 thrashing dealt out by the Mighty All Blanks! Looking forward to us introducing the Daba before matches, to psyche out opponents. Jose genuinely proved how much he genuinely cares about football by getting himself genuinely sent to the stands for being genuinely angry about the football he still genuinely cares so much about. Genuinely. Click on the link to sign up to our Patreon, funding #HeatBack.   Here’s 5 things we learned...

 (@Benglorious) Vine has passed away. RIP u will live on forever. Cant believe it. I wanna run to u. Really cant believe this. Vine has passed away. RIP u will live on forever. Cant believe it. I wanna run to u. Really cant believe this. Vine has passed away. RIP u will live on forever. Cant believe it. I wanna run to u. Really cant believe this. Vine has passed away. RIP u will live on forever. Cant believe it....

If you want to learn that beating City is loads better than losing to City, and that Herrera is really spoiling us (lol, like the chocolate advert. You fuck off and get new jokes), and that well known raconteur and Royal correspondent Paul Gunning had this to say, “If ‘Antonio Valencia actually has a left foot’ doesn’t make it into your 5 things we learnt, you’re doing it wrong”. True fans will of course have...