Benno (@Benglorious) Matt Damon’s gob or whatever. Not even checking Brett’s to see if he’s already done that gag. I hope he has and I hope he cries. You NEVER make fun of another man’s trainers, even if they are made from seagulls. Which brings us nicely back to Bournemouth who are nicknamed the Seagulls. Or the Cherries. Who really knows? I’ve forgotten my point. Opposition summary: Bournemouth are the only team in the Premiership...

BAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHA (1/-1)   Here’s five things we learned from Europa League qualification: Swan) We couldn’t keep the wolf from the door, so to speak. Twit twoo) Louis van Gaal is a fraud. When I mispronounce stuff I just get laughed at but he seems to have made it into a whole career. Tree-creeper) The whole Fellaini joke has gone on too long. And we know of what we speak in this example. Caaw) I don’t...

 Benno (@Benglorious) You know those days when you get a weird flash of inspiration? Those days when a flippant comment gives you the idea that will change your life? Juan Mata as a pirate was going to be mine. Let me set the scene: A completely out of character interruption of someone else’s Twitter conversation. The also completely out of character nonsense comment. The also also completely out of character stewing all day on a ridiculous...

Louis Van G0-0L more like. 5 things we have learned this week: l) If you don’t watch it, it doesn’t annoy you as much. z) Why wasn’t Rooney playing? Would’ve been a different story then! E) X-Files was/is really good. h) When working with industrial-grade solvents you should open some windows. Just one would have done. S) ‘No More Nails’ is really useful for sealing windows shut.

 Benno (@Benglorious) Strike a light me old china plate (mate), put down your dog n’ bone (phone) for a while and gather round the old Joanna (pianna (piano)) for a right old Cockney knees-up (a weird dance that looks like running on the spot).  Why is everything classed as ‘old’ for those loveable scamps who love their mums but will cut you as soon as look at you if you misbehave round their manor?  Nobody...

Another game, another point proven, made, gotten and proven. Did we say proven? We’ve forgotten the point. In this game, again, The Universe provided us with irrefutable evidence that the baddies always win, so ultimately what’s the point in remembering points anyway, if you get our point… Just realised Schneiderlin reminds me of an old friend, Andy. Wonder what that guy is up to? Wonder if he’s forgiven me yet for sleeping with his girlfriend....

 Benno (@Benglorious) I haven’t been these excited to read the next installment of something since Andy McNab mentioned Charlie Three-One down, which incidentally is going to be United at halftime. Lol, as if we can score one goal. Anyway, I’ve remembered my point this time: Installments (I figured it out by reading over the stuff that I had written already. Really wish someone had told me how to do that before, then I wouldn’t be in...

No goals all means we’re one step closer to the promised land. Can’t wait to get there. Don’t get us wrong, we’re really enjoying the journey and all. Lots. Really. Really, really enjoying it. To the max. And back. Lots. Yep. Here’s 5 things we’ve learned this week: 1ne) Learning is as learning does. 2wo) Life is like a learning: you never know what you’re gonna learn. Thr33) Everyday is a school day. Apart from Saturdays,...

 Benno (@Benglorious) Refusing to do a preview after Tom smashed it last game. Let’s see him do it again. m Opposition summary: PSV do football. Prediction:  I don’t have a point to forget. 0-0 United.    Tom (@tom_mcghee) Chapter 2 McGhee opened his eyes cautiously; despite being the sole passenger on Air Force One, a lifetime at the School of hard knocks and detective skills had left him with an almost preternatural sense of things being ever...

Drums please … Woooh! What a wicky-wah-wicky-wah-wicky-wah-wicky-wild result! Just slide with me, just slide with me, just slide with me, c’mon and take a walk with me … scoring dramatic late goals to win games like it’s 2000. Excuse me … Willenium. Herrera celebrated like it was 1999. Hold up it is. Memphis got jiggy with it. Let’s go to my yacht on the west keys and ride my jet-skis. Yo home smell yer later.  ...

     Benno (@Benglorious) The season starts with a humdinger of a curtain-raiser as the mighty Watford entertain United at Vicarage Road. Luckily for us, Wayne Rooney CAPTAIN LEADER LEGEND is still England’s leading goalscorer. Even more luckily for us, Wayne Rooney CAPTAIN LEADER LEGEND is poorly so he won’t be playing. Slightly less luckily for us is that every other player in the team is injured apart from De Gea, which is lucky. I’ve...