Ander the rare hare took the bull by the proverbial hooves and stuck it to the toffees like taking candy from a sweet shop, run by a baby (note to self: contact trading standards about this). A goal from Roondaddy brought him one step closer to becoming the all time goalscoring Wayne Rooney of all time, but also took him one step further away. Schneiderlin put the icing on the cake with the first goal...

  Benno (@Benglorious) Bit gutted there’s not more international football to be quite flipping honest with you in all seriousness. There’s nothing better in my opinion than watching world-class players try and raise the games of those around them and ultimately fail.   m Opposition summary: Everton are the best team in the Premiership League that sound like an eternal weight.   Prediction: Rooney’s back!! YAY!! I’ve forgotten my point. 0-0 United. m Once United’s French midfielder got...

Multiversity was a DC comics series written by Grant Morrison. Every month saw a story loosely tied around a seemingly haunted comic book. Footballiversity and the various numbered Footballiverses are a shameless rip-off of the comics device (found elsewhere too, of course) of using parallel universes when you have nothing else to write about, and is an idea that came to me while reading Multiversity, although in a parallel universe Grant Morrison got the idea...

No goalscorings from Vangle’s boys made it almost impossible to beat Arsenal, resulting in us not beating Arsenal. Whether they did any goals and took advantage of that is anyone’s guess. Guess we’ll never know. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1) Better Rooneys: a) Mickey. a2) Anyone else with that name. 1) Should put out a missing persons notice for Darmian. 6) The tweet of Basti and Ramsey with ‘Bitch, please’ getting triple figures is...

Pensmith John Murder did what he did best by smithing a pen to bring us back into it. And then Chris Smallholding did what he does worst in ‘terrorising’ the Wolvesburg defence and grabbing the golden goal to lift the Europe Championship. For now. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1) Roondog is getting really good at not taking pens. 2) Vangle wears suits better than my Uncle Peter. 3) Dogs can look up. 4) If...

 Benno (@Benglorious) Managed to fix my computer. Had to replace the 48.4H503.011 power button board with one I purchased on an electronic auction site. The results are satisfactory, as you can all see.   m Opposition summary: Arsenal are the best team in the Premiership League that sound like a butt.   Prediction: Martial to be the new Henry by doing old Henry stuff that the old Henry used to do for the old Henry’s...

 Benno (@Benglorious) It would appear I hadn’t fixed my computer as well as I thought I had this lunchtime. I’m doing my words now but I’m cutting it very close. Yours twos had better be good cos I’ve got nothing lol. Prolly have to use an old pic, the Basti one cos of the Germans. The fans will be gutted. m Opposition summary: This isn’t Whatsapp.   Prediction: Neither is this. 0-0 United.   Tom (@tom_mcghee) ‘Wolfsburg’...

Mata, Depay and Roonaldo single-handedly dragged Vangle’s army to the top of the charts, as the other Manchester were distracted and confused by Liverpool becoming the new Spurs and forgetting that the old Spurs are still the old Spurs and not Liverpool or the new Sp etc Here’s 5 things what we learnED: 1. The Warren Commission was a total fabrication 2. ‘Dick Advocaat’ is Dutch for ‘Penis Champion’ 4. There might well be TWO...

m m  Benno (@Benglorious)   I’ve never been to Sunderland. Or have I? Think about that one while you’re illegally streaming the game probably. m Opposition summary: Sunderland used to be known as the Rokermen because their stadium was called Roker Park. Now, they play at the Stadium of Light and are therefore called the Black Cats.   Prediction: Martial to cement his place as a modern United legend by losing his first touch and...

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Pereira steals the show with a swag bag made from lightning shootering boots. Meanwhile back on planet earth, another score for Mar Seal and even Skipper Roo gets his name amongst the scorings with his first goal since the 1986 World Cup Quarter Finals when Gary Linekar pointed out he was crying… Here’s 5 things we learnt: 1) Free Kicks aren’t just for kicking the ball really hard at a line of naughty boys. 2)...