(@Benglorious) After basking in the glow of Sunderland getting deservedly relegated, I considered calling Ol’ Davey Moyes to offer my sympathies. However, I then remembered what an odious prick and terrible manager he is so I went for a poo instead. I also didn’t have his number. m Prediction:  Swansea to knockout Klitschko in the first innings with a 147 break. 0-0 United. m m  (@tom_mcghee) We seem to have become a Mick Hucknall fan...

Another game and another drawing to death of the opposition. And football. M0-0urinho more like. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. 0-0 is half as good as 1-1. 2. See 3 and 4 for Tom’s thoughts on Fellaini. 3. More like Maro can you leave our football club Fellaini !! 4. But seriously he is a bad tree. Like an elm. 5. Only 4 this week. Oh.

(@Benglorious) With every player except Rashford out injured, this game should be a fucking doddle. m Prediction: JoMo to take PeeGee to coaching school, which is actually just called a school because synonymomical tautology innit, and we all know what a great player he was. 0-0 United. m m  (@tom_mcghee) Pep. Unsure this qualified as a name, I did some digging and it turns out it’s short for Pepsi. Is he responsible for the very recent...

It was a triumphant return to the team for Skipper Roo: assisting all United’s attacking endeavours in his own unique way i.e delicate first touch and pace. His goal quite literally could not have been claimed by and credited to anyone else but our loveable Roondawg. Here’s to another 251!! Here’s the 5 things we learned this week: 1. Martial is faster/miles better than Joseph Barton. 2. It was good when Pogba did that skinny...

(@Benglorious) m The last time we played Burnley we had more shots than World War II but couldn’t find the net. I think that makes us Italy in this metaphor, but without the changing teams halfway through because we were losing. m Prediction: Rashford to continue his rise to glory by scoring for the third successive game and dedicating it to Old Man Zlat. 0-0 United. m m  (@tom_mcghee) Remember when Joey met Zlatan in France...

Another victorious victory at the half way stage of the Europa League tournament; only 743 matches to play until the final, which the players will be relieved to know is only played over 5 legs. Hashtag Rash is Life 4 Life yo! Here’s 5 things we Europa learned: 1. Rasherz with the R3 manoeuvres made me do a bit of wee. 2. Marcus Rashford = D4 damager with the ill behaviour. 3. Idg United fans...

(@Benglorious) If Anderlecht play anything like Chelsea then we should beat them comfortably unless United play like Chelsea because that would result in a draw unless Anderlecht play like United which would also finish as a draw. Maths is hard. m Prediction: United to come out all guns blazing. Anderlecht to refuse to come out because of the guns. 0-0 United. m m  (@tom_mcghee) Anderherrera >>>>> Anderlecht.   Room (2015) A mum and her kid don’t go...

Before the game the naysayers were all like: “They can’t compete!” “There’s no way they’re going to get anything from this!” “The line-up isn’t good enough!” “Not strong enough!” “The great days are long gone!” “Blah-Blah-Blah” “Clown-shoes!” “Etc!”… And then we set the internet on fire with a another a great a joke. There was also a football match played between Manchester United and Chelsea. Here’s 5 things we learned as we were counting hashtag...