Bifurcated Manchester United » Bi-Tunes: Canvey Island

Canvey Island Cds, Tapes and Vinyl: Darren Richman

Brett — Sat, 08 Feb 2014 12:21:47 +0000

United fan, football writer, and good friend of Bifurcated Darren Richman (@darrenrichman, Darren at Mirror.co.uk , Darren at Squawka.co.uk, Darren at ROM) was listening to British Sea Power’s Canvey Island, and considering asking if this here Canvey Island was named after that there Canvey Island. The short answer is no. The longer answer is also no, but with a few hundred extra words thrown in by way of an explanation. Do you want toOH! Here’s the Bifurcated Train!!!!

The conductor handed Darren a really shiny £1 coin. So shiny were it, that it did attract the attention of a magpie. Once they had gotten rid of the publiction wrapped in a pastry and avoided taking the easier route of making a joke about a Newcastle player who likes money, like Pappis Cisse for example, the conductor thrust his hand in the direction of the platform.

There was only one train waiting to depart, there was only one destination…

Canvey Island!

Darren was catapulted from the train, with a pair of giant underpants and some strawberry shoe laces found in lost property, towards the car park where he found the car-boot sale and the oh-so familiar stall run this time by someone who looked suspiciously like ex-Manchester United and Everton (Remember them?! Nah, me neither) player Norman Whiteside!

As per usual the character has a message: “Stop looking at my top. Stop it. I saw yer! I got it off Clayton Blackmore; he’s running our clothes department today. Anyway, there’s a script here … Welcome to Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl. I’ve got to shift all these for a friend of a friend after a insert a funny thing of your choosing Norm, you know like how you did that other time?! Anyhow, won’t bore you with the detail, this nonsense scares people off as it is. We have every single ever pressed or recorded in stock, and at 5 for £1, you can enjoy picking your 5 favourites of all time?! Or these tops are only a oner, and I know you’ve had your eyes on it!”

… and this is what Darren picked and why (in his own words) …

“Is there any harder task than picking your five favourite songs? Even Desert Island Discs lets you have eight. If I was compiling this list yesterday or tomorrow, it’d probably be different. That said, here are a selection of tracks with some kind of personal meaning that I sincerely believe will say something to me until the day I die.”

Yesterday by The Beatles

“I am genuinely of the opinion that The Beatles are slightly underrated. It is simply taken as a fact that they’re the greatest band ever ™ so people of my generation tend not to listen to their albums as obsessively as they might lesser heralded groups. The fact is that it is impossible to overstate their brilliance and, as long as there are still people listening to recorded sound, the music of The Beatles will be popular. In 500 years time, people will still be enjoying their songs because they are nothing less than the 20^th century’s equivalent of Mozart. Try and remember that the next time you see Paul dragged out to perform at some rubbish event or other and you’re tempted to mock him.

Yesterday is probably McCartney’s finest moment. I once heard it said that the magic of great songwriting is the ability to take a complex feeling and sum it up in a concise way. Think of “I can’t get no satisfaction”, “I’m so tired of waiting for you” or “Everyday is like Sunday” and you get the idea. Yesterday perfectly captures a mood in a way a great novel might over hundreds of pages, not too shabby for a two minute pop song.

I love the story of its composition. The entire melody came to Paul in a dream and it seemed so perfectly formed that he went around asking everyone he knew whether the tune rang a bell on the assumption he must have subconsciously plagiarised it. He actually used substitute lyrics until he had decided what the song would be about. It might not have been such a hit if the words had remained: “Scrambled eggs – oh, my baby how I love your legs.”

In 2006 I co-wrote and performed in my first comedy play in Edinburgh. It was about a pair of warring flatmates with only two tickets to see Paul McCartney at a tiny London venue and one girlfriend eager to come. Yesterday was the song that played as the audience entered the auditorium and to this day I cannot hear it without feeling that blend of excitement and nerves as I stood waiting in the wings, young and hopeful.

In 2012, I actually did get to see the great man live, at the Royal Albert Hall. A couple of months later I was walking down St John’s Wood High Street on the way to watch a test match at Lord’s. I heard a steward suddenly shout, “excuse me Sir, can I shake your hand?” I turned around expecting to be confronted with Sir Ian Botham or the like but it was none other than Macca himself, walking down the street with his girlfriend, casual as you like. I shook his hand, just about managed to mumble something about how good the gig had been and he said “Thanks very much” in the exact way you imagine he would. I have never been so starstruck nor am I ever likely to be. This is one of the most famous people on earth, a bona fide living legend, a man whose work I enjoyed before I could walk.

I was shaking for the rest of the day and could barely focus on the cricket. I had shaken the hand that wrote Yesterday.”

Keep Me in Your Heart by Jorge Calderón and Jennifer Warnes

“Warren Zevon was one of the great American songwriters, his dark and humorous lyrics led to some labelling him the world’s foremost proponent of “song noir”. If you’ve never heard any of his stuff, Excitable Boy gives you a rough idea of what he’s all about, with its jaunty tune belying a horrific tale of rape and murder.

Zevon was very close to David Letterman and he appeared on his chat show soon after being diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Letterman asked his friend if there was anything he now understood, facing his own mortality, that he didn’t before. Zevon replied, “Just how much you’re supposed to enjoy every sandwich.” I love that.

This song first appeared on Zevon’s last album, a record composed with its creator well aware it would be his final work. The version I have chosen appeared on a tribute album that was released in 2004, appropriately enough entitled Enjoy Every Sandwich. Jorge Calderón co-wrote the song with his friend and, in his recording with Jennifer Warnes, you can feel the pain of loss.

My father once told me that if, as a Jew, he was allowed to have a song played at his funeral, this would be it. It’s such a simple refrain but it brings tears to my every time I hear it and I know exactly why it’d be his choice. You cannot hear the song and not think of people you’ve lost over the years.

“If I leave you it doesn’t mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Sometimes when you’re doing simple things around the house
Maybe you’ll think of me and smile”

Perfect.”

Last Nite by The Strokes

“I’ve written about this quite extensively elsewhere, so I’ll try and keep it brief. 2001 was my 1977. I was 16 when The Strokes burst onto the scene and they were the first (and no doubt last) band I was into from the outset. This was a time before girls, when I subscribed to the NME but not a cogent political philosophy. This song was on their first EP and it reminds me of being young, being a fan and being with my friends. Most of all, it reminds me of an era when those three things mattered more than anything else in the world.”

Superstition by Stevie Wonder

“Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony is generally considered the crowning artistic achievement of Western Civilisation. The composer was completely deaf by the time of its premiere and rumour has it he had to be turned around to see the tumultuous applause of the audience. Hearing nothing, he wept. The idea that a human being could create something so beautiful without the ability to hear it himself is utterly inspiring and it is little wonder it has become an iconic piece, giving hope to those suffering in concentration camps and played at the demolition of the Berlin Wall.

Having said all that, it doesn’t make me smile like Stevie.

It is physically impossible to not love Stevie Wonder and from Talking Book in 1972 to Hotter than July in 1980, he did not put a foot wrong and managed one of the greatest runs in the history of recorded music.

Again in 2006, I was nervously waiting backstage to perform in my first stand-up comedy final. An anxious performer at the best of times, this was the most significant moment in my career up to that point. Suddenly and without warning, Superstition came on at full blast. A song I’d adored since I was a kid, it seemed oddly relevant as I went through an array of strange rituals and superstitions.

If you can hear this song and not grin from start to finish then they might as well drew a white line around you.”

Bad Cover Version by Pulp

“Being an awkward, bookish and gangly adolescent, Jarvis Cocker was always something of a hero. My favourite thing about this song is the arrogance of the narrator. He has this to say about an ex: “I heard an old girlfriend has turned to the church – she’s trying to replace me, but it’ll never work.” We’ll call that 1-0 Cocker.

At some point in the early 2000s, my friends and I went to a terrible Jeffrey Lewis gig in London. As we were waiting to buy tickets, none other than Jarvis himself walked straight past. I was rendered speechless but my mate Matt managed to offer some insightful words. “You’re Jarvis Cocker.” Jarvis smiled as if to say, “Yes, yes I am.”

Once inside, I headed to the loo and emerged to find Matt and Jay giggling and holding a piece of paper. On it were written the words, “Dear Darren, you truly are a common person, best wishes, Jarvis Cocker.” It was perhaps the most blatant bit of forgery ever seen and the pair immediately admitted it was a ruse.

We positioned ourselves on the opposite side of the room to our hero while Jeffrey Lewis played obscure anti-folk numbers. We spent the duration of the gig trying to decide exactly how we would approach the Sheffield legend, nervously eyeing him up from the other side of the hall like awkward schoolboys at a disco.

The American singer exited the stage and we entered from stage left.

Matt was up first and decided to tear down the fourth wall and highlight the strangeness of the situation.

“Hello, is there anything I can say that won’t make me look like a total dick?”

“You can say anything you like mate.”

“Right, er, I think you’re really good.

I was up next and was well prepared having spent the previous hour rehearsing my line in my head.

“I just want to say that Bad Cover Version has the best lyrics of any song released in my lifetime.”

“No it doesn’t.”

“Oh, well I think it does.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Oh well.”

“Cheers anyway.”

Finally it was Jay’s turn and he salvaged the situation with ease.

“Hi Jarvis, I’m sure you probably get this all the time but I just wanted to say that you’re a fantastic parallel parker.”

He laughed. My friend had seen him out driving a few weeks before and this led to a brief discussion about difficult maneuverers.

But should I have been more insistent? Was I right or was the song’s composer? I’ll let you be the judge of that. My list can end on the same words as Bad Cover Version:

“Aah, sing your song about all the sad imitations that got it so wrong
It’s like a later “Tom & Jerry” when the two of them could talk
Like the Stones since the Eighties, like the last days of Southfork.
Like “Planet of the Apes” on TV, the second side of “’Til the Band Comes in”
Like an own-brand box of cornflakes: he’s going to let you down my friend.””

Just before Darren headed back to the platform “Norman” pointed him in the direction of the old abandoned book stall and asked him to pick out a book, for free, for the journey home.

… and Darren picked …

A P.G. Wodehouse Compendium

“This was tough but I figured if I can only have one book then it’d better be big and it’d better be funny. Wodehouse wrote over 100 books and they’re properly hilarious (you know, like TV shows and films) so I’ll take the largest compendium of his work available. He’s the only writer absolutely guaranteed to put me in a good mood and, as Hugh Laurie once pointed out, he’d be considered the equal of Shakespeare if only there weren’t so many jokes. Not for nothing is he often referred to as simply “The Master”. It doesn’t get much better.”

… and then we dropped Darren back, and began explaining why we decided to call it CanvOH!! IS THAT THE TIME?! Shame. Maybe another time…

A reminder you can follow Darren on twitter here > @darrenrichman

And read some of his football writings here > Darren at Mirror.co.uk , Darren at Squawka.co.uk, Darren at ROM

******

To submit your own five favourite singles and partake in our mildly embarrassing amateurish kidnapping scenario email us at:

hello[@]bifurcated.co.uk

*******

Also available in the series…

Canvey Island Cds, Tapes and Vinyl: Bettina from Berlin

Brett — Fri, 10 Jan 2014 13:16:56 +0000

Friend of Bifurcated and United fan Bettina from Berlin (beebberlin) was in her kitchen, on her laptop, trying connect to a stream of the United game. When suddenly she noticed that the stream was growing and becoming a river. The river then became a lake. And then the lake became an ocean. The ocean was carrying a ship, bearing the Bifurcated Train!

The conductor tossed Bettina a one euro coin, gave her a high-zehn, and challenged her to a sack race towards the platform, before realising he didn’t have any sacks.

There was only one train waiting to depart, there was only one destination…

Canvey Island!

At the other end she was politely escorted in the direction of the now world renowned car park and the now familiar car-boot sale stall, run this time by someone who looked the spit of ex-Manchester United and Molde player Ole (he was in town and insisting on positioning himself closer to Manchester United, by any means necessary(?))! Superfans of the Canvey Island series were desperately trying to get the stall-holders autograph.

As is now the trademarked format for this world famous post the stall-holder has a message. Those superfans joined in, though struggled somewhat, as its kind of made up as I type. Who knew?! “Welcome to Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl. I’ve got to shift all these for an episode of friends after a misunderstanding over an apothecary table, anyhow, won’t bore you with the detail, it’s always just pointless padding to add to the overall nonsensicalnessness … We have every single ever pressed or recorded in stock, and at funf for one euro, you can enjoy picking some of your funf favourites of all time?!”

… And this is what Bettina from Berlin picked, and why (in her own words) …

And Then She Kissed Her by Phillip Boa & The Voodoo Club

“My first encounter with real music was at the tender age of 12. Tragically (or so I thought at the time) the blond-locked boy who introduced me to it, via an often copied tape, didn´t introduce me to anything further. Still, it made me the misunderstoodest girl in class with the wierdest band names on her pencilcase; it made me feel sexually advanced because I had sort of a crush on Pia Lund, the female singer (a bit blond, a bit cheap and a bit out of tune is still my type, think Cerys Matthews, Wendy James, Patsy Kensit). As a consequence I put shaving cream into my hair to make it stand up (I stank to the high heavens, due to the unavailability of any decent hair product in East Germany), declared that I didn´t care about having a boyfriend anyway, and my mother refused to walk on the same side of the street with me.
Underage Boys and Girls, can you believe it: That was at a time when nobody would be seen dead with a cap on, even in the coldest winter days, because it would have ruined your carefully styled hairdo.”

So Wat´cha Want by Beastie Boys

“Only a few years, and two boyfriends later, suddenly everybody wore woollen caps like there had never been a problem with them, even in the summer. You could now buy every record on earth, if you happened to have the money, there were hair products galore and yet no demand for them anymore, and in Berlin we had at least one illegal bar for every day of the week (Montagsbar, Dienstagsbar, Mittwochsbar, you get the picture). We used to jump around to this one like drunken fools, and I still swing back and forth fervently in my rocker whenever it comes on.”

Fools Gold by Stone Roses

“Brought to me by the same distant aquaintance who also warmed me to the idea that some football teams are more attractive than others, especially if they happen to have Ryan Giggs playing in them. A simple tune with nothing much happening and nevertheless (or because of that?) endlessly exciting. In that respect it maybe even better than The Stranglers’ Golden Brown.”

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Out Of The Blue by Roxy Music

“One-night stands, gin and Roxy Music: There comes a time in your life when you think you are over them, and old enough to know better, and then afterwards comes a time when you know how to really appreciate them. The clarinette loop with the semi-tones: It´s probably a cheap trick composers learn in first semester, yet I can´t help but fall in love with every song that contains something like that. Ashes To Ashes by David Bowie has another example of that, ‘pink-ponk-padada’ – maybe somebody can help me out with the appropriate musical term?”

Pocketful Of Money by Jens Lekman

“A recent mixtape favourite (yes, some people still do that). Mixes well with just about anything.”

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Just before Bettina headed back to the platform the Ole “look-a-like” stall-holder, batting aside the crowds of fans around him, pointed her in the direction of the old abandoned book stall, and asked her to pick out a book, for free, for the journey home.

… And Bettina picked …

Winnie-the-Pooh by Alan Alexander Milne

““Then, suddenly again, Christopher Robin, who was still looking at the world, with his chin in his hand, called out “Pooh!” “Yes?” said Pooh. “When I’m–when–Pooh!” “Yes, Christopher Robin?” “I’m not going to do Nothing any more.” “Never again?” “Well, not so much. They don’t let you.” I challenge anyone to find me a line in a book that describes the end of childhood more poignantly.
I only encountered the bear of very little brain as an adult, and it has since become my most loved, most given-away, and most read-out-loud piece of literature. The landscape of my dreams is a Sussex wood drawn by Ernest Shepard, and every pun, line and character resonates with me because of the deep wisdom and general human kindness contained within them. One of the happiest occurances in my life is meeting a nice person who hasn´t made the acquaintance of Christopher Robin and Piglet and Rabbit’s friends and relations yet (or only through the disastrous Disney version), and giving the book to them. I most certainly get along with you, if you like it.”

And then we dropped Bettina from Berlin off, not before wringing out her laptop with our bears’ hands … well we weren’t gonna use our own!

A reminder you can follow Bettina on twitter, here > beebberlin

******

To submit your own five favourite singles and partake in our spectacularly amateurish kidnapping scenario email us at:

hello[@]bifurcated.co.uk

*******

Also available in the series…

Canvey Island Cds, Tapes And Vinyl: Christmas Special – Revisited!

Us — Tue, 10 Dec 2013 17:21:10 +0000

United fan Santa (he wears red doesn’t he?!) was on the look out for Christmas spirit to help power his sleigh (or the narrative for those “non-believers”: your uncle/dad/step-dad in a red suit) was handed a first-class ticket to board the Bifurcated Train, so our Canvey Island family could imbue him with their individual Christmas spirit through the medium of song.

The reindeer have been left at Bifurcated Towers while Brett feeds, waters and pets them – not like that!

The conductor handed Santa a chocolate coin and wished him a very merry Christmas (he’s trying to get on the nice list … so transparent)!

There, of course, was only one train waiting to depart, there was only one destination …

Canvey Island!

Santa stepped off the train and was ushered, like the others before him, towards the car park where he found the car-boot sale and the stall run this time by someone who looked suspiciously like ex-Manchester United player Eric Cantona. Who else?!

Again, as it was approaching Christmas, the only stock on the stall was, of course, Christmas songs. Eric had a message for Old Saint Nick: “Bienvenue à Canvey Island à Noël, CD, cassettes et vinyles. Je ne vais pas lire le script. C’est Noël et d’ailleurs je suis Eric Cantona. Nous avons à chaque Noël stock unique jamais pressé ou enregistré, et notre famille ont choisi l’île de Canvey leurs favoris de tous les temps pour vous d’en profiter! Joyeux Noël!

… and these are what Christmas songs members of our Canvey Island family picked and why (in their own words) …

Stop the Cavalry by Jona Lewie

Picked by Andrew Young (going on his Canvey trip in the new year)

“An anti-war protest song released by seminal punk label Stiff Records probably shouldn’t work as a Christmas song, but the Bavarian brass section and and line “I wish I was at home for Christmas” means that it does.

The lyrics are based on a soldier, worn down by the monotony of war contemplating the world carrying on at Christmas time from the cold, desolate confines of a trench. Whilst the video is based in what looks like WWI, there isn’t an actual ‘war’ in focus, it’s the concept of soldiers wanting an end to war in general and not to be still fighting at Christmas.

The protagonist doesn’t sound angry, scared, demoralised, he just wants an end to war (a very noble ask at any time of year) and to be with his love, Mary Bradley who is waiting for him back at home.

The utter desperation of war is not particularly Christmassy granted, but longing for or trying to get to people you can’t be with is a theme in Christmas songs from Elvis’ Blue Christmas, Mud’s Lonely This Christmas and Chris Rea’s Driving Home for Christmas, as well as being the basis of Home Alone, Die Hard and other classic Christmas films probably picked up elsewhere on this blog.

The concept of wanting to be with those you know and love at Christmas is the driving factor behind this theme running through Christmas films and songs, this is because the thought of being alone at Christmas is unpleasant. Add that to the horrors of war and it’s pretty bleak subject matter. Fortunately Jona Lewis added an upbeat Bavarian brass section and some dum, dum, dums and people can forget about what are two important messages and just sing along.”

And Craig English

“My favourite Christmas song would have to be Stop the Cavalry by Jona Lewie. In reality my favourite should be Fairy Tale of New York but I ruined that one November in 2007. The reason Stop the Cavalry took its place was 100% to do with the “dum dum dummy dum” tune throughout. Lyrically it’s quite dark, a stricken soldier pleading with Churchill to call back the troops from the war just in time for Christmas, but his pleas go unheard. As dark as the lyrics are, I genuinely don’t care for them. It’s all about the “dum dum dummy dum” to be honest. If it was a perfect world I think I’d prefer if the lyrics were about a toy that broke on Stephen’s Day (Boxing Day) or something; y’know keep the darkish theme but something that has happened to me, and us all, also.”

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Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses

Picked by Angela Hallmark

“As per I CANNOT POSSIBLY NARROW THIS DOWN TO 1 & 1!

Man you ask for the IMPOSSIBLE!

Songs –

· The Waitresses – Christmas Wrapping

· Jona Lewie – Stop the Cavalry

· Mariah – All I Want for Christmas

· The Darkness – Christmas Time (I shouldn’t need to explain why but I am going to cos it is MEGALOLZTASTIC. ‘Bell’s End’. ‘Ring Peace’. I don’t need to say anymore.)”

(Brett – I can’t possibly let you have all four, especially as you’re a repeat offender. So, I’m picking the one that no-one else has … and besides all the rest appear elsewhere )

One Horse Open Sleigh by Robert DeCormier Singers

Picked by Awate

“This is definitely the best Christmas song there is. It follows the original chord progression of the chorus which is so much more 3-dimensional compared to the pop-like simple chord structure of Jingle Bells. It gives it life.”

Fairytale of New York by The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl

Picked by Birchy

“By far the best Xmas song. Beautiful.”

And Steph Doehler

“Favourite song has to be Fairytale of New York by The Pogues. Many people see it as an anti-Christmas song, but I love it. You know you’re on the lead up to Christmas when you hear it on the radio, which for me was 3rd December. Fantastic.”

And Tricia

“I love Christmas music of all kinds – from Bing Crosby to Handel – but the song that I’m playing over and over on my iPod this season is The Pogues’ Fairytale of New York. Maybe it’s because so many good people I know are struggling right now and it tells a very real and unsentimental story about a couple who are in a bad way, but whose dreams of a better life are battered but still intact. And isn’t Christmas all about hope? On the 25th anniversary of the song’s release, you can read more about it here. Merry Christmas!”

Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town by The Jackson 5

“I love little Michael. Who wouldn’t? This is just a beautiful Christmas song.”

AND…

All I Want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey

Both picked by Chewie

“This has a great Phil Spector sound. Mariah sings it beautifully. The sentiment is ace. It’s been overplayed on things like DFS adverts but it’s my own personal fave. F*ck the cynics.”

Christmas Lights by Coldplay

Picked by En Lim

“A Christmas song from my favourite band can’t go wrong, can it? : ) Coldplay makes me believe in the magic of Christmas – that it is the one holiday every year where people should be happy, where we should wish that all our troubles will be gone for at least one day. Hopeful, wistful, whatever you might call it. But Christmas is about trying to be happy and wanting the same sort of happiness for people around you.”

Winter Wonderland by Macy Gray

Picked by Jay Goolaup

“I’ve gone for Winter Wonderland as sung by Macy Gray!”

Last Christmas by Wham

Picked by Journo Jess

“My favourite Christmas song is Last Christmas by Wham! Although the lyrical content may seem a bit depressing it never fails to get me in the festive mood and apparently it’s the most downloaded Christmas song ever so I’m clearly not alone in my love for it.”

Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End) by The Darkness

Picked by Liz Worsley

“More often than not I like a song because it reminds me of a special time. December 2003, and this song was playing on the radio in the car on the way home. I’d just finished my first semester at Manchester Uni and my dad picked me up to go home for the Christmas holidays with a bin bag full of clothes and a load of hefty Biology textbooks. That was a special Christmas because, although I was having a great time, leaving home made me appreciate my family, school friends and home comforts even more. Plus my oldest brother was coming back from his year out in America and I was so excited about everyone being together. For me, the best thing about Christmas is meeting up with people I miss and just like in the lyrics, I don’t want it to end!! Although The Darkness have disappeared off the music radar, they were massive in my 1st year with ‘I Believe in a thing called Love‘ being played at the Bop every week. I’m not a huge fan of them in general but these two songs remind me of the most amazing, magical months at Uni that I’ll never forget. Plus the video has a singing robot in it. What’s not to love about that?”

Here We Come a Wassailing by Kate Rusby

Picked by Paul Ansorge

“My favourite Christmas song that isn’t totally obvious – I love the melody and the voice and the musicianship and everything. It sort of sums up my favourite things about Christmas which are love and sharing and making warmth in the cold with song and lights and good company.”

Stille Nacht by Joseph Mohr and Franz Gruber

Picked by Pauline Gill

“Many moons ago, I worked and lived in Obertsdorf in Bavaria. Christmas was magical – lots of snow, incredible market selling lovely food and traditional wooden toys – the kind of Christmas I’d had in my head for years. My new German friends took me to a concert – this was played and sung along with by all assembled. My favourite Christmas song. Wonderful memories! Stille Nacht.”

White Christmas by Bing Crosby

Picked by Silje Skarsbo

“My choice would be White Christmas. Sung by Bing Crosby, no one else. Love the song, calm and soothing. Everything Christmas should be, but isn’t. Still hate the Holiday though. I’m the grinch. Only less green. On a good day. Maybe.”

Just Like Christmas by Low

Picked by Tatiana Nahai (going on her Canvey trip in the new year)

“It’s an absolutely beautiful song. I really love the lead singer, Mimi, as her voice is incredibly soothing. I’m also a really big fan of the drums and how experimental they are — something I always appreciate. But I love it primarily because it skips the commercialism and has a more melancholy tone, which goes deeper and captures the spirit so well. Rather than falling into the stereotype of what Christmas is supposed to be, the song talks about Christmas as an internal feeling. It’s the way you grew up, and what feels familiar to you. Which is something that makes sense to me, being a Jewish girl who loved Christmas for how it feels during Christmas time, rather than the traditions that I never really took part in.”

O Holy Night by Sufjan Stevens

Picked by Tom Pattison

“I love loads and loads of Christmas music but have decided to go for a classically beautiful song. Regardless of spiritual belief, ‘O Holy Night’ is a spine tingling ode to hope and wonder. Kings Choir Cambridge and Weezer have both been responsible for very different yet brilliant versions but my favourite rendition comes from Sufjan Stevens. Listen and be inhabited by the spirit of Christmas.”

Mary, Mary by Harry Belafonte

Picked by our very own David

“Favourite Christmas song right now is Mary, Mary by Harry Belafonte which I heard for the first time only very recently.”

Up on the Housetop by The Jackson 5

Picked by our very own Brett

“I’m an unashamed lover of Christmas, and this is about as an unashamedly Christmassy as pop music gets. I have a ‘Motown at Christmas’ record from the 70s, that I stick on in December and this is the first song on the album: when I play this it means Christmas has officially arrived at ours. “

Just before Santa headed back to the platform, the Eric “look-a-like” stallholder pointed him in the direction of the old abandoned DVD stall and asked him to pick out a Christmas film, for free, to watch when he got home.

… And they picked …

A Charlie Brown Christmas

Picked by Andrew Young (going on his Canvey trip in the new year)

“What is most important at Christmas? Over Indulgence? Religion? Commercialism? Funny jumpers? Nostalgia? Standing outside eating over-priced German sausages on little pieces of bread washed down with lager?

It means something different for everyone. For me it’s family and friends. It’s a wonderful time as everyone’s happy, I’ll see friends and family, catch up, share warmth and good tidings.

A Charlie Brown Christmas poses these questions. Charlie Brown, upset at the rampant commercialism of Christmas, wants his friends remember the real meaning of Christmas. He goes through a range of emotions in response to the rest of the gang’s celebratory mood. Even Snoopy gets in on the act by winner a competition for best Christmas decorations. Charlie chooses the Christmas tree that is to be used in the Christmas show, but instead of a picking a big garish, plastic tree he chooses the only natural tree available which is limp, flimsy and has bits falling off. At first the others laugh but then to make Charlie feel better they decorate the pathetic tree whilst he’s not there and when he sees it he’s delighted.

It’s a perfect metaphor for what is for me the meaning of Christmas, no matter how sh*t things are friends and family can brighten it up!

Add to this a brilliant jazz soundtrack by the Vince Guaraldi Trio, with most notably the Linus and Lucy song which has soundtracked many a Christmas for me, and you have the blueprint for a TV Christmas special.

My last point on this is when I was reading up, I thought how much this reminded me of the 70s/80s, but it’s actually from 1965 which I guess proves it’s a timeless movie and enduring message.

It’s only 25 minutes long, go and watch it it’s wonderful!”

Gremlins

AND…

Trading Places

Both picked by Angela Hallmark

“Films –

· Elf – OBVS (Evil Murdoch stealing it away from me).

· Trading Places – OBVS (is 1 of just BEST FILMS ever).

· Gremlins – AMAZES XMAS FILM; especially the cinema bit.

· When Harry Met Sally – see also Trading Places; I LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!”

(Brett – You can have two: two of my favourites no-one else has picked yet…)

Jingle All The Way

Picked by Awate

“It is a critique on consumerism. But it’s also ridiculous. It’s absolutely bonkers. Arnie is Arnie, the script is nonsensical and Sinbad is fantastic. My favourite line is when the bomb goes off and Sinbad says, “THIS IS A SICK WORLD WE’RE LIVING IN. SICK PEOPLE.” I watch it every year at The Prince Charles Cinema in London. Also, if you want a heavy deconstruction of it, listen to this“

It’s a Wonderful Life

Picked by Chewie

“Dark as f*ck, actually. I like this film so much I had the film poster in my office.”

The Muppet Christmas Carol

Picked by Craig English

“When I was about eight or nine I went to see Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol and it scared the bejeebers out of me (actual bejeebers left my body). It was terrifying, and shouldn’t be watched by any child, neigh any person. What should be watched however is The Muppet Christmas Carol. A wonderful adaptation and watched yearly, a much more important Christmas movie than Home Alone in my opinion. The wonderful thing about the adaptation is the casting of the Muppets. I probably would’ve done something stupid like make Kermit the narrator. But the story that Gonzo and Rizzo tell is a lot better than the one I was told when I was eight. Even if the ghost of Christmas-Past in the Muppets version does freak me out a little too.”

Love Actually

Picked by En Lim

“Because there’s nothing more heart-warming than watching serendipitous things happen over Christmas.”

Elf

Picked by Birchy

“That is a tough tough call as I have about 5 favourites, but if you are pushing me then I would go with Elf.”

And Steph Doehler

“Home Alone 2 is my childhood favourite. Raise your hand if you wished you were him in New York when you were little?! More recently Elf. I’m actually not a massive fan of Will Ferrell, but I do think this film is absolutely fantastic.”

The Holiday

Picked by Journo Jess

“My favourite Christmas film is probably The Holiday. It has a great cast and Kate Winslet helps to add a touch of British to the film. It has something for everybody, it’s a lovely story and it’s really funny too. (The kid inside me also says a special mention for Home Alone 2 and the more recent Arthur Christmas, both brilliant films that although aimed at children I enjoy even as an adult!)”

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

Picked by Liz Worsley

“Not technically a Christmas film (it’s about trying to get home for Thanksgiving) but I always love watching any film with John Candy in at Christmas … or any by John Hughes for that matter (e.g. Home Alone)! I love Elf aswell but because I’m an 80s child, this has been around longer. Plus it has one of my favourite movie scenes ever (the Ray Charles Mess Around scene … and the ensuing chaos that occurs in the car after)”

A Muppet Family Christmas

Picked by Paul Ansorge

“As for film, it’s not a film but a glorious TV special “A Muppet Family Christmas”, one of the last things Jim Henson did before we lost him and a fantastic crossover between the Muppets, Sesame Street and Fraggle Rock which is both hilarious and heartwarming, in the best way the Muppets are.”

Home Alone

Picked by Pauline Gill

“Fave Christmas film is desperately unoriginal – Home Alone – still making me laugh after all these years and as comfortable as your favourite old jumper!”

Die Hard

Picked by Silje Skarsbo

“Blatantly a Christmas film. Willis shooting sh!t up? If that doesn’t scream Christmas I don’t know what does. “

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Picked by Tatiana Nahai (going on her Canvey trip in the new year)

“My favorite Christmas movie”

Home Alone 2

Picked byTom Pattison

“The one essential Christmas movie in Chez Pattison is Home Alone 2. The brilliance of Home Alone but transferred to the most iconic of modern cities; what’s not to like? Sequences of timeless slapstick comedy from Pesci and Culkin are punctuated by moments of genuine heartwarming human drama. I’m unashamed to say that the reunion between mum and son in front of the Rockefeller Centre tree provokes a tear every single time. Fun but with an important message – the truest sense of Christmas.”

Scrooged

Picked by our very own Brett

“Well, if it hadn’t been acknowledged in this list already, I would have to go with Home Alone. I learned all the words when I was in my early teens – at 34, I still know them. However, I’m picking Scrooged, a very close runner-up. Bill Murray AND Christmas. I’m not sure you’re allowed to ask for more than that.”

We then dropped Santa off at his grotto (your uncle/dad/step dad off at his Pilates class), not before giving him a big kiss under the mistletoe. What?! And that was that – the final trip to Canvey Island of 2013. Thank you to everyone has taken the time to pick their musical loves for us again this year.

Remember, to see the original musical picks from any of the members of the Canvey Island Family simply click on their names.

If you want to become a member of the Canvey Island Family in 2014, then please refer to the train timetable at selected stations.

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

(Click on this)

*******

Also available in the series (see below)…

Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Class of ’92 Special!

Brett — Mon, 02 Dec 2013 19:00:43 +0000

To coincide with the release of the new Class of ’92 documentary film (@classof92film, Class of ’92 DVD) we’re taking six familiar faces, with six all too familiar names to Canvey Island: Giggsy, Scholesy, Butty, Phily, Gary-y and Becky. What?!

For this special trip, our Canvey Island family will be sharing the song that defined 1992 for them.

.
As they were boarding the train, the conductor stopped them for a second to ask “if we’ll get to find out what happened to the other 86?! Hey?! Hey?! Lads?!” (Hey! That’s my joke.) and then helped them aboard, in silence, ‘cept for a distant death knell.

There was only one train waiting to depart, there was only one destination …

Canvey Island!

They stepped off the train and were ushered, like the others before them, towards the car park where they found the car-boot sale and the stall run this time by someone who looked suspiciously like ex-Manchester United player Eric Cantona. He always rotas himself in for the good ones.

Eric had a message for them: “Bonjour mes petits amis spéciaux préférés … Hey! Je me demandais si nous pourrions obtenir pour savoir ce qui s’est passé à l’autre 86? Non! Attendez une minute … qu’est ce que c’est cloche pour? Quoi qu’il en soit, s’il vous plaît jeter un oeil à ce que la famille Canvey a choisi pour vous…”

…And this is what the Canvey Island family members picked as the song that defined their own 1992, and why (in their own words)…

Slam Jam by The WWF Superstars

Picked by Adam Pinfold

“Not sure if this was my favourite track of ’92 but definitely takes me back in time to that era. I remember buying this on tape down Woolworths and then sticking it on full blast while playing WWF Superstars on my Game Boy – YES MATE! Wrestling and 90s music – the perfect combination … or should that be the Perfect Plex?“

Jump Around by House of Pain

&

Weekender by Flowered Up

Picked by Angela Hallmark

“So this has been very hard for three reasons:

1. It is a very long time ago and I cannot remember last week – never mind 21 years ago.

2. 1992 was a year of transition for me – I did my GCSEs and then left school to go and be *cool* at 6th Form College.

I was listening to an awful lot of Atlantic 252 when I was revising – this included Curtis Stigers, Richard Marx, Annie Lennox, Mr Big, Sophie B Hawkins & John Secada.

I was still discovering guitars – The Charlatans, Primal Scream, Ride, Teenage Fanclub (please stop now Angela – cos you JUST WERE NOT COOL). And then when I went to *college*, I started to go out far more – so bought SL2 On A Ragga Tip (which is ACES), RumpShaker, Insanity etc etc…

3. It turns out that the music from this year can be summed up by the following LIST of BRIT WINNERS:

Year: 1992
Best British Male Solo Artist	Seal
Best British Female Solo Artist	Lisa Stansfield
Best British Group	The KLF/Simply Red (Joint Winners)
Best British Album	Seal – “Seal”
Best British Dance Act	n/a
Best British Newcomer	Beverley Craven
Best International Male	see below *
Best International Female	see below *
Best International Group	U2
Best International Newcomer	PM Dawn
Best Soundtrack	The Commitments
Best British Video	Seal – “Killer”
Best British Single	Queen – “These Are The Best Days Of Our Lives”
Best Pop Act	n/a
Outstanding Contribution	Freddie Mercury
Discretionary Awards for year 1992
Best British Producer	Trevor Horn
Best Classical Recording	Verdi (Sir Georg Solti) – “Otello”
* Best International Solo Artist	Prince

I think this list sums up the music on offer pretty well … as does this from Q:

Best Album R.E.M. – “Automatic For The People”

Best Reissue/Compilation Bob Marley – “Songs of Freedom”

Best Live Act – Crowded House

Best Act in the World Today – U2

Best New Act – Tori Amos

Best Producer Daniel Lanois/Peter Gabriel/The Orb

Songwriter Award – Neil Finn

Q Inspiration Award – B.B. King

Merit Award – Led Zeppelin

ANYWAY – I think I have shown how hard it was for me.

I have 3. (I know I know I know – but you know, I am super special!)

I am gonna have…

FLOWERED UP – Weekender (bought it on 12 inch)

HOUSE of PAIN – Jump Around (“party anthem”)

PATTY SMYTH with DON HENLEY – Sometimes Love Just Aint Enough (DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THIS WAS RELEASED THEN – IS MY BEST KAR-E-OKE SONG LIKE EVER I SING IT AMAZES) (harks back to Atlantic 252 days). (Ed – As you didn’t know this was released back then, it can’t actually have defined your 1992 – thems the rules! And the breaks.You can have a link.)

Jump by Kriss Kross

Picked by Birchy

“God, I struggle to think back to what I was listening to at 9 years old. Probably Jump by Kriss Kross, rather than the cool songs from 1992 that I listen to now; my coolness in music taste came at a later age. I was too busy watching Ryan Giggs and United Monthly Review VHS, whilst playing heads and volleys and wall ball, to care about music.”

Nuthin’ but a G Thang by Dr Dre and

Lithium by Nirvana

Picked by Chewie

“This is cheating but I can’t call it.”

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Theme Tune

Picked by Jay Goolaup

“I was 6 and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme tune was probably my jam at that time…”

.

.

Black or White by Michael Jackson

Picked by Liz Worsley

“I loved listening to this on my Walkman. I’m sure the Class of ’92 loved this too!”

.

.

Estranged by Guns ‘n’ Roses

Picked by Paul Ansorge

“1992 was a formative year for me, musically speaking. The next five years of my music listening were forever altered when Ed off United Rant was given a cassette with 45 minutes of Nevermind on one side of it and 45 minutes of Use Your Illusion 2 on the other side of it. I am a bit sad to say that I liked the Use Your Illusion side best, and fell down an abyss of Guns N Roses listening that only a fifteen year old can.

Whilst I grew to appreciate in the years ahead that Kurt is obv > Axl, you try telling that to 15 year old me with my leather jacket with the cover of Lobo #1 painted on the back, and the really really terrible hair that comes in between short and manageable and long enough to throw around the place in rock clubs.

It’s hard to pick one tune of the insane indulgence of the Use Your Illusions. That’s somewhere between being because there are too many good songs and none of the songs actually being good enough, but the one that I occasionally still listen to is Estranged. It also perhaps best captures the sheer insanely overblown explosion of juvenile emotional self-expression that is late period GNR. It sounded so incredibly deep. It is so incredibly shallow. But, as with so much of their output, if you ignore the lyrics, there are still some absolutely fantastic noises coming out of Slash’s guitar. That man really, really, really could play.

Over the years ahead, Nirvana overthrew GNR in my affections, then there was a bit of a raver phase, then it all settled down into the music I’d liked before all this kicked off. But in ’92, I wanted nothing so much as to learn to play like Slash and sing like Axl. I grew up pretty quickly, and unlike the Class of ’92, my love for GNR didn’t last, but at the time, that C90 changed my life, and it was very very exciting.”

Harvest Moon by Neil Young

Picked by Pauline Gill

“I’ve really enjoyed thinking about this one … mind you, my musical taste hasn’t particularly moved on since ’92! Have always been a Neil Young fan, and I loved Harvest Moon that year… the video sort of perpetuated my idealistic view of life in the States … a cosy restaurant full of ‘like minded’ people, great live music… nonsense of course, but you know! It still brings a smile to my face, anyway.”

Under The Bridge by Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Picked by Paul Gunning

“I was only eleven years old in 1992. So, my first year in high school, a year of first, awkward, taking-an-age-to-build-up-the-courage-to-slip-my-arm-round-a-girl’s-shoulders dates at cinemas, first kisses with tongues, terrible clothes and ‘curtains’ haircuts.

It’s fitting that this song should be a love letter to a city, as 1992 was also the year that I truly fell in love with Manchester and began to feel the first flutters of melancholy and aloneness within my soul, perfectly encapsulated in this heart-rending track.

It’s such a powerful, evocative song that brings back flooding memories of important loved ones in my life, and a time of awakening and possibility as I embarked on the first, faltering steps of my teenage years.”

.

.

Would I Lie To You by Charles & Eddie

Picked by Tom Pattison

“In my ninth year on planet earth it was ALL about Charles & Eddie Would I Lie To You and it basically still is.”

Brothers In Arms by Dire Straits

Picked by our very own David

“When I was 11? Probably Brothers in Arms by Dire Straits!”

.

.

End of the Road by Boyz II Men

Picked by our very own Brett

“One of the best things about this song – and there are lots of best things about this song (apart from perhaps the second half of the talky part, that goes on a bit) – is that it can be sung in a key that means anyone can proper belt it out, irrespective of singing ability. It also lends itself really well to the fist-clenching-grabbing-of-that-lingering-hope-and-anguish-and-pulling-it-in-close-to-your-chest move.

My only experience of music before my early teens (I was 13 in 1992), was via the medium of Atlantic 252 and the telly (Top of the Pops and The Chart Show). Naturally I was into some pretty dark stuff: Michael Jackson. Take That. Simply Red. ~~NKOTB~~ NKOB. MC Hammer. Jimmy Nail. And Boyz II Men. Though I do think End of the Road is one of the best pop songs of the past twenty-five years, it’s not the song in and of itself that marks it out as defining my 1992. It’s the memory attached to it (yes, there is more)…

It was the ‘Christmas Variety Show 1992′ at our school. The Christmas Variety Show at our school was really just a vehicle for the posh and confident and “talented” and popular kids to show off, as teachers and parents fawned over them. Meanwhile, the rest of us were supposed to watch on, gratefully. Paradoxically, we despised them all, yet (for no good reason) longed to be one of them. This year the headline act was to be a duet performed by the two school ‘hunks’ (I forget their names) and it seemed everyone was restless with anticipation – everyone, but me. As the familiar slow drum roll from the backing track tumbled in and hunk #2 sloped towards the front of the stage and began to speak in a low voice whilst hunk #1 caressed himself, it soon became apparent that this was very much not cool. I’m not sure if I’d ever experienced the frisson of cringing on someone else’s behalf before that moment; certainly not to that degree; nor for that long; nor that intensely.

I might have been achingly shy and tragically unpopular and a bit rough (themes that have stuck), but at least I wasn’t that. And I didn’t stroke my groin in front of the whole school, with the minimum of self-awareness. I went home from the Christmas Variety Show 1992 feeling comfortable in my own skin – happy I wasn’t one of them. Happy to be me.”

And then we dropped them off back home, but not before asking if we’d be finding out what happened to the other 86…

*******

To get your hands on a copy of the DVD > Class of ’92 DVD

To keep up-to-date with all the news about the film > @classof92film

*******

Remember, to see the original musical picks from any of the lovable members of the Canvey Island family simply click on their names.

If you want to become a member of the Canvey Island Family, then please refer to the train timetable at selected stations, or easier still, drop us an email.

*******

Also available in the series (see below)…

Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Paul Gunning

Brett — Wed, 27 Nov 2013 14:49:36 +0000

United fan, blogger and good friend of Bifurcated Paul Gunning (@PaulGunning1, The Right Irreverend Blogger) was not being Tobey Maguire by double-bluffing and being all Tobey Maguirey on his avatars and such, when Kirsten Dunst burst on set dressed as The Bifurcated Train. Wait! No! It was The Bifurcated Train dressed as Kirsten Dunst. Wait! No! etc… Whatevs…

The conductor asked him “what it was like being Spiderman and that, and if it got hot in that costume on set?”, then threw the £1 coin off to the side , so Paul could catch it with his spidey-webby-hand thing.

There was only one train waiting to depart, there was only one destination …

Canvey Island!

As Paul got off the train at the other end he was shoved towards the car park and the now familiar car-boot sale with the stall, run this time by someone who looked suspiciously like ex-Manchester United and St. Patrick’s Athletic player Paul McGrath! “Ooh” and indeed “aah”.

As is the format with this twisted nonsense, the character has a message: “Welcome to Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl. I’ve got to shift all these for a friend of a friend after a miscommunication over some blah-blah-blah, anyhow, won’t bore you with the blah-blah-blah, this surreal blah-blah-blah, puts people off visiting this site as it is … We have every single ever pressed or recorded in stock, and at 5 for £1, you can enjoy picking your 5 favourites of all time?!”

… and this is what Paul picked and why (in his own words) …

Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands by Bob Dylan

“I could’ve picked Bob Dylan songs alone, and still struggled to choose just five. For me, Bob Dylan is more than just a singer/songwriter; he’s royalty. Actually, he’s more than that. He’s as close to a prophet as it’s possible to be. In fact, I think he may be an actual prophet.

The Bob Dylan song I happen to have chosen as the one I’d take with me to Canvey Island reflects the mood I was in at the time. It just so happens I was feeling a little melancholy. So, here we are.

There’s an aching, other-worldly mystery about this track that puts it on an altogether different plane to most human endeavours.

I’ll never be able to quite grasp it; it will remain forever just out of reach. Which is why I love it so much.”

I Wanna Be Adored by The Stone Roses

“Is there a better, more powerful opening to an album than this?

Before you bother racking your brains, let me save you the trouble.

No. There isn’t. It’s the perfect introduction to a musical experience that ever existed. If it fails to move you, and make you feel alive, you must already be dead.”

Prodigal Son by The Rolling Stones

“I wanted to include a blues track. But there are so many, and I couldn’t pick between the likes of Robert Johnson, Howlin’ Wolf or Sonny Boy Williamson.

So I ended up going for this. It’s a blues track written and performed by The Rolling Stones, a white band, but I bloody love it and, out of all the white bands that have attempted the blues, over the years, the Stones are up there.”

All Tomorrow’s Parties by The Velvet Underground

“The Velvet Underground had to be included in this list.

Why?

Because they’re probably the best band of all time. And that’s saying something, considering all the great bands that have made our lives liveable over the years.

Again, I could’ve picked any number of their tracks.

I chose this one because that’s how I happened to be feeling the time, and because, for me, there isn’t a more atmospheric, gut-wrenchingly powerful song known to man.”

Song No. 5

“This is the most difficult track to choose. Think about all the great bands, artists and music that have enhanced your life over the years. Then imagine having to choose between them.

Exactly. Not possible. So you have to go with your mood. Hence, my final choice is…

… Angeles by Elliot Smith

For me, this is as close to musical perfection as it’s possible to get. It never fails to move me, despite my having listened to it thousands of times. There’s a haunting, other-worldly quality to it, and Smith’s vocal never fails to bring tears to my eyes.“

Just before Paul headed back to the platform the Paul “look-a-like” stallholder pointed him in the direction of the old abandoned book stall and asked him to pick out a book, for free, for the journey home.

… And Paul picked …

On The Road by Jack Kerouac

“It was a hell of a difficult decision, choosing between this and Leo Tolstoy’s ‘War and Peace’ (and I’m not being pretentious; that really is in my top three books of all time).

Yet I’m a sucker for a road-trip, being a traveller at heart, and they don’t come any better, or more life/mindset-changing than this.

I defy anyone with a soul not to read this book and feel more alive as you turn the final page.”

And then we dropped Paul off back at his place, but not before discussing the serious plot flaws in the recent adaptation of The Great Gatsby – for no good reason. *side of nose tap*

Remember, you can follow Paul on Twitter here > @PaulGunning1

Or visit his blog here > The Right Irreverend Blogger

******

To submit your own five favourite singles of all time and take part in our nonsensical train trip thing, email us at:

hello[@]bifurcated.co.uk

*******

Also available in the series, see below…

Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Craig English

Brett — Mon, 18 Nov 2013 12:21:27 +0000

United fan, blogger, and friend of Bifurcated Craig English (@CraigEnglish92, Taught By Matt Busby) was settling down in front of the telly to watch the horse-racing. But just as he reached for the remote he noticed it was looking a little more train-shaped than normal, and not only that, it was about a hundred times bigger than it was yesterday. Odd, he thought. It was, of course, the Bifurcated Train!

The conductor chucked Craig a quid coin and pointed in the direction of the platform. There was only one train waiting to depart, there was only one destination …

Canvey Island!

Craig got off the train and was ushered, like the others before him, towards the car park where he found the car-boot sale and the stall run this time by someone who looked suspiciously like ex-Manchester United and Al-Hilal player Andrei Kanchelskis.*Bless you*

As was the “norm” now with this post, the character had a message: “Welcome to Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl. I’ve got to shift all these for a friend of a friend after a miscommunication over my wage demands and my insistence on holding my cuffs within my clenched fist. Anyhow, won’t bore you with the detail, this kidnap scenario nonsense is confusing as it is … We have every single ever pressed or recorded in stock, and at 5 for £1, you can enjoy picking your 5 favourites of all time?!”

… and here’s what Craig picked, and why (in his own words); in a 5,4,3,2,1 formation …

5) The Masterplan by Oasis

“I hate to start on a negative but I have to, at the very least, start with a regret. I have to apologise to The Beach Boys as I just couldn’t find room for Kokomo, one of my favourite song of all time. Well, my sixth favourite song evidently. Okay bad start, time to refocus. First song up, a song that at 18 years old, is the youngest song in my top five. Wasted, because of the songwriter’s arrogance, as just a b-side. But thankfully, b-side or not, it was produced to perfection. A backwards guitar solo and the inclusion of strings gives it the capacity to raise the hairs on the back of your neck when sat in the middle of a field with 90,000 other people. Especially when played immediately after a song like Cigarettes & Alcohol.”

4) O Fortuna by Carl Orff (Andre Rieu)

“This song harks back to my childhood. Saturday mornings were the days myself and my brothers got a lie in. School during the week and football on Sundays. But this meant my dad was left to his own devices in the kitchen with our tape player. Credit to him he changed the album most weeks, from Bowie to The Kinks and Don Baker to some classical albums. At the time most of the classical stuff was just noise to my eight year old ears. But I always enjoyed it when O Fortuna came on and today I’ve become quite obsessed with it. The lyrics, translated, are somewhat harrowing but they do create some of the most beautiful images despite the hardship that they depict. But without even learning, the sound in which this song is presented is powerful enough to conjure up the images that the lyrics intend to create.”

3) Victoria by The Kinks

“The Kinks just have to be in your top 5, it should be law. If it isn’t one already. I chose Victoria for the sound, a sound that is trademark Ray Davies, rather than the lyrics. Although I do appreciate the work put in to place all the place names into the right place. So Victoria is placed in the middle here.”

2) Folsom Prison Blues by Johnny Cash

“This is Cash at his ultimate brilliance. A song about a prisoner that is written in such a beautiful way that the listener is in total sympathy of this murderer (the character, not Cash). The man has a grip with a nearby train station as it gives him false hope of escape. The guitar rhythm throughout is a train in itself. Within the rhythm you can visualise the “rich folk eating from their fancy diner carts”, and more importantly you can feel the envy in which Cash portrays it in.”

1) Norwegian Wood by The Beatles

“Is it too clichéd to put a Beatles at number one? Well I’ll forgive myself, as at least it isn’t Yesterday, Let It Be or Come Together. A song about a girl who is a little bit eccentric and a guy who is a little bit taken aback by her eccentric ways. It also draws imagery of a log cabin with a wonderful rug and a roaring fire. On first listen it sounds simple, just a simple Beatles song akin to Blackbird but it is anything but. Also, it’s a song with lovely depth so it is very hard to become tired of it. With each listen you hear something new that adds value to the song.”

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.

Just before Craig headed back to the platform the Andrei “look-a-like” stallholder pointed him in the direction of the old abandoned book stall and asked him to pick out a book, for free, for the journey home.

… And Craig picked …

Aristotle’s Desire to Understand by Jonathon Lear

“If I was only to have one book for the rest of life to read I’d definitely choose this. The language is tricky, but Lear guides you through with clever suggestions. Of all the great thinkers that have transferred their thoughts to page Aristotle’s, in my opinion, are put down in the most beautiful way. I’ve a love for the stars and all things astronomy and Aristotle is an astronomer who hails from the land that first looked up to the moon and stars with amazing wonderment. This reflection to the sky is why for me a book explaining Aristotle is the most important book in my library.”

And then we dropped Craig off back at his place, but not before whispering in his ear, the secret to winning at the gambling.

Remember, you can follow Craig on Twitter here > @CraigEnglish92,

Or visit his blog here > Taught By Matt Busby

******

To submit your own five favourite singles of all time and find yourself wishing you hadn’t bothered signing up, email us at:

hello[@]bifurcated.co.uk

*******

Also available in the series, see below…

Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Journo Jess

Brett — Thu, 14 Nov 2013 13:14:30 +0000

United fan and blogger Journo Jess (@Journo_Jess, Journo Jess Blog) was just about to take a picture of Phil Jones down by the touchline, when she noticed his face beginning to stretch a little too much?! Although slightly unnerved she carried on, presuming, as we all would, that this was just normal. But as the shutter closed, a projectile shot from his cavernous mouth!! It was the Bifurcated Train! What?! That’s where we’ve been keeping it. The rent’s really reasonable. You oughta see what else is back there!

The Bifurcated Train Conductor wiped off the excess saliva from his hi-vis, and tossed her a slightly damp £1 coin. Then holding out his mucousy hand he lead her in the direction of the platform.

There was only one train waiting to depart, there was only one destination…

Canvey Island!

As Jess disembarked at the other end, she was ushered towards the car park and the now over familiar car-boot sale with the stall, run this time by someone who looked suspiciously like ex-Manchester United (when?!) and Calgary Foothill’s player Owen Hargreaves (BOO!)!

The character has a message: “Welcome to Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl. I’ve got to shift all these for a friend of a friend after a miscommunication over something that wasn’t my fault. NOTHING IS EVER MY FAULT! Anyhow, won’t bore you with the detail, this surreal nonsensical rubbish puts people off visiting this site as it is … We have every single ever pressed or recorded in stock, and at 5 for £1, you can enjoy picking your 5 favourites of all time?!”

… and this is what Jess picked, and why (in her own words) …

Lose Yourself by Eminem

“The first lines of this song are ‘Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted, in one moment, would you capture it or just let it slip?’

And this is exactly why I chose it- for its lyrical genius. It’s difficult not to lose yourself in this song that was featured in the rapper’s movie 8 Mile. If you’re struggling for motivation, listen to this.”

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This Charming Man by The Smiths

“I’m only 21 but I’m a big fan of Eighties music and it doesn’t get much better than this. The layered riffs played by Johnny Marr coupled with Morrissey’s vocals are spot on. It was played at Old Trafford before the Arsenal game which just shows it’s still appreciated, in Manchester anyway.”

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Landslide by Fleetwood Mac

“I heard this song in a film when I was younger and have been obsessed with it ever since. It’s a poignant track about growing up and in my opinion sums up life beautifully. It was also mentioned in my favourite book which gives it even more resonance personally.”

Viva La Vida by Coldplay

“Such a powerful song that I’ll never get tired of. It was perhaps overplayed when it first came out but I still think it’s great. Best described as an orchestral anthem- I definitely think that it’s Coldplay’s best track.”

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Ain’t It Fun by Paramore

“This band are great live and if I’m having a bad day I know this song off their latest self-titled album will always cheer me up. Ain’t it fun!”

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Just before Jess headed back to the platform “Owen” (BOO!) pointed her in the direction of the old abandoned book stall and asked her to pick out a book, for free, for the journey home. “I didn’t leave it like that!!” he added.

… and Jess picked …

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

“My favourite book would have to be The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. It’s a really clever book that is narrated by someone describing their life experiences growing up in high school through sending letters to an anonymous person. It was made into a movie last year starring Emma Watson (of Harry Potter fame). It’s not a bad film adaptation but I definitely prefer the book. The protagonist often listens to The Smiths, Fleetwood Mac (this is the book that mentions ‘Landslide’) and The Beatles which makes it even better because I listen to them a lot too. It’s quite deep in places, often trying to figure out why life is the way it is but it’s easy to relate to and a coming-of-age story that will move you no matter how old you are.”

… and then we dropped Jess back in the stand, as if nothing had ever happened, and made a run for it before Phil Jones regurgitated anything else.

A reminder you can follow Jess on twitter here > @Journo_Jess,

Or visit her site here > Journo Jess Blog

Or Facebook page here > Journo Jess Facebook

******

To submit your own five favourite singles and take part in our mildly embarrassing amateurish kidnapping scenario, email us at:

hello[@]bifurcated.co.uk

*******

Also available in the series: see below…

Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Josh

Brett — Tue, 23 Jul 2013 12:28:59 +0000

New friend of Bifurcated and United fan Josh (@FreshManUtd), who has his own footy site Fresh Man Utd, was marinating his own testicles, in preperation for a feast he’d promised his Twitter followers he’d soon be enjoying, when he was disturbed by a spine chilling tap at the window. It was none other than the Bifurcated Conductor, fresh from a spine chilling window tapping workshop he’d been on over the summer.

He chucked Josh a squid and nodded in the direction of the platform.

There was only one train waiting to depart, there was only one destination…

Canvey Island!

At the other end he was pointed in the direction of the car park and the car boot sale stall, run this time by someone who looked the spitting image of ex-Manchester United and Colchester United player Tedward Sheringham.

The look-a-like stallholder had a message. “Welcome to Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl. I’ve got to shift all these for a friend of a friend after a misunderstanding over something or other, but I was running a bit late and forgot my script. The records are five for a quid … Hey! that’s an actual squid!!! Hey?! Hey! get back here! Oh, what do I care…”

… and this is what Josh picked and why (in his own words) …

Sweetheart, What Have You Done To Us by Keaton Henson

“The first song is a song by the wonderful Keaton Henson, called ‘Sweetheart, what have you done to us.’ I actually heard this song in a shop on Oxford Street last year and I don’t think I’ve gone a day without listening to it since. It spurred me on to buy Keaton’s two albums and they’re both incredible. Raw, emotional music from a truly unique musician. He’s also an incredibly talented artist. Keaton actually suffers from severe stage fright and has only ever done a handful of live shows.”

23 by Jimmy Eat World

“Everybody had that band that they listened to nonstop through their teenage years, Jimmy Eat World were mine. Jimmy Eat World have been my favourite band since I was thirteen, and I doubt that’ll ever change. 23 is one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard and it was the first song I thought of when I started making this list. I got a chance to see Jimmy Eat World at the Brixton Academy a few years back and my love for them grew even more.”

The Man Who Sold The World by Nirvana

“You all know who Nirvana are. In my opinion, Nirvana are one of the best bands of all time. It’s very rare that a cover of a song is better than the original, but Nirvana’s version of this David Bowie song really does the original justice, and then some. Kurt Cobain had that rare ability to portray his emotions in his songs, something which made them one of the all time greats. Nirvana Unplugged in New York was the first album released after Kurt Cobain’s death, and for me, still remains the greatest live album of all time.”

Karma Satellite by Futures

“Futures were a relatively unknown band that have now split up. I saw them at a local festival a few years back, after that I never missed a gig and they remained ever present throughout my teenage years. Hopefully you haven’t heard this song before and you’ll fall in love with it like I did. If you’ve got time, check their albums out.”

The Rock Show by Blink 182

“I absolutely loved this song. I was always a huge Blink 182 fan. I loved how they never took themselves too seriously. They didn’t try to write deep or meaningful songs, they just had fun. Blink always remind me never to take life too seriously. Unfortunately, I saw them at Reading Festival a few years ago and they were awful. At least I still have this song, though.”

Just before Josh headed back to the platform “Teddy” pointed him in the direction of the old abandoned book stall and asked him to pick out a book, for free, for the journey home.

… and Josh picked …

On The Road by Jack Kerouac

“the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”

“On The Road is a factual account of Jack Kerouac’s journey across America. Kerouac is solely responsible for the ‘beat generation’ of the 1950’s and 60’s. Kerouac’s novels had a huge impact on youth culture in America, and to this day it remains one of the most beautiful, raw, powerful pieces of work ever written. I read On The Road after it was suggested to me by the lead singer of Futures, another reason why the band mean so much to me. I urge you to pick it up from your local bookstore and give it a read; it will honestly change your life. You’ll want to pack a bag and leave on the next flight to America.”

… and then we dropped Josh back in his kitchen and politely declined staying for tea.

A reminder you can follow Josh on twitter here > @FreshManUtd

Or visit his site here > Fresh Man Utd,

******

To submit your own five favourite singles and partake in our mildly embarrassing amateurish kidnapping scenario email us at:

hello[@]bifurcated.co.uk

*******

Also available in the series, see below…

Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Goodbyes…

Brett — Fri, 24 May 2013 11:43:21 +0000

We thought this Canvey ‘Goodbye Special’ might coincide with Scholesy saying goodbye; then it was definitely going to coincide with Bifurcated saying goodbye; and now here we are saying goodbye to Fergie AND Scholesy, while Bifurcated is carrying on. Hey! Football Gods!! – you took the wrong ones … come back for us!

The conductor handed Fergie and Scholesy his soaking wet hanky (he’s totally lost it) and helped them aboard as snot bubbles formed around his nose.

There, of course, was only one train waiting to depart, there was only one destination …

Canvey Island!

Fergie and Scholesy stepped off the train and were ushered, like the others before them, towards the car park where they found the car-boot sale and the stall run this time by someone who looked suspiciously like ex-Manchester United player Eric Cantona.

Eric had a message for both of them: “Bonjour et bienvenue … non! Je ne peux pas faire ça, c’est trop. Je vais rester ici et tranquillement pleurer pour moi. Par ailleurs, la décision dont il était de laisser Steve Bruce et Robbo main vous le trophée et … N’allons pas là. Voici ce que la famille a choisi pour vous …”

… and these are the Goodbye songs members of our Canvey Island family picked and why (in their own words) …

Stay by Lisa Loeb

Picked by Angela Hallmark

“For the glasses, for the tormented teen lyrics, for exactly how I feel right now.

That is all

PS – I have gone all drama-rama on this now

PPS – include the ps if you wish

PPPS – WHY COULDNT WE HAVE JUST GOT SOMEONE HOT”

(also this one: “it spoke to me”)

Travellin’ Man by Mos Def

Picked by Awate

“This is one of the best songs in the human life. Like, just accept it. It’s beautiful, it’s emotive, it’s just awesome. DJ Honda on the beats crafts a beautiful sampled number with boom-bap drums that tells a story on its own. Big Mos drops two of the finest verses he has ever crafted. Both dealing with issues of saying so long to those you love. They are also quite technical verses from the rapping standpoint, especially the rhyme scheme in the middle of the first verse but he makes it seem effortless. This is Mos (now known as Yasiin Bey) at one of his two best periods to date. This song came out between the release of the legendary Black Star album with Talib Kweli and Mos’ first solo effort, the classic, Black On Both Sides. I think out of the gazillion times I’ve seen him perform, he’s done this song twice and both times, you look around and see grown men reciting the lyrics with tears in their eyes, remembering relationships and loved ones lost. Sometimes the people in attendance who feel this song in their soul have names like Awate. Play this at my funeral.”

Another One Bites The Dust by Queen

Picked by Jay Goolaup

“This could represent another season “biting the dust”, or maybe it’s Sir Alex doing the “biting”. Or Mancini! I could go on…”

Who Wants To Live Forever by Queen

Picked by Liz Worsley

“Poignant in so many ways, this is my ultimate goodbye song. As much as we’d love Sir Alex to be timeless like one of the Immortals in the film Highlander, no one lives forever. And as Heraclitus the philosopher once said, “nothing endures but change”.”

All Things Must Pass by George Harrison

Picked by Paul Ansorge

“Given this week. And I would like to dedicate it to Paul Scholes, for the double meaning.”

Long May You Run by Paul Young

Picked by Pauline Gill

“If there is one thing I could say to Scholes and SAF it is this. ‘Long May You Run’. Soppy sentiment maybe, but I don’t care!”

Last Worthless Evening by Don Henley

Picked by Silje Skarsbo

“I was going to say something funny, but I’m not really sure how able to amuse I would be at the moment. Instead I’ve picked a song about heartbreak, but getting ready to love and accepting someone new into your heart. You have to admit, it’s fitting. Plus, it does get kinda funny when you imagine Moyes singing the song. I’m a soppy git”

Goodnight Hollywood Blvd by Ryan Adams

Picked by Tom Pattison

“The greatest songwriter of my lifetime manages to make a simple farewell achingly beautiful, brimming with hope and despair in equal measure. Melancholic genius.”

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I am Goodbye by Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy

Picked by our very own David

“For the beard and the line “like the end of something wonderful”

Another Man’s Done Gone by Woody Guthrie

Picked by our very own Brett

“Billy Bragg putting Woody Guthrie’s words to music is a double bounce on a trampoline. Play this at my funeral (That sounds better, if Awate hasn’t already said it (I wrote it first, so there. Ruddy alphabetical order)). p.s Because I was making my little Fergie tribute film, the music I used for that has become my personal soundtrack to my experience of the past couple of weeks”

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And then we dropped off the Canvey Island Family, giving them all a big hug, as we waved goodbye to Fergie and Paul …

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Remember, to see the original musical picks from any of the members of the Canvey Island Family simply click on their names.

If you want to become a member of the Canvey Island Family, then please refer to the train timetable at selected stations, or easier still, drop us an email.

*******

Also available in the series (see below)…

Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Awate Special

Us — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 16:41:45 +0000

Some United fans were feeling a socio-political disconnect with the world and were in need of something tangible, something visceral, something that just might make their life that little bit better. We at Bifurcated thought it only right to introduce them to – if they hadn’t already met – our good friend Awate (@Awate91).

The conductor – on his best behaviour, what with being a massive fan of Awate – helped the disillusioned fans onto the train one-by-one.

There, of course, was only one train waiting to depart, there was only one destination …

Canvey Island!

The United fans were herded off the train, towards the car park where they found the car-boot sale and the stall run this time by someone who looked suspiciously like Awate … NO! Wait! That IS Awate!!!!!

Awate: “I’ve probably got a bit of an obsessive personality when it comes to art. whether it’s a movie, TV show, song or comedian if I love something, I find out everything about it, the people who made it, their lives, any hidden meanings or interpretations I may have of it etc. Quite often I’ll only listen to two albums for about 18 months. These songs I’ve got to flog to you fall into that category.”

These are the songs Awate picked and why (in his own words)…

Nightmare by Arthur Brown

“The first is a song by Arthur Brown called, ‘Nightmare’. I first heard Arthur Brown’s music in a Burger King advert on television about 10 years ago. They were talking about their dirty flame-grilled burgers and inevitably used the song, ‘Fire’ by The Crazy World of Arthur Brown. So, I remembered the first four bars and often sung it if someone said the word ‘fire’ (I tend to do that. I quote songs and episodes of The Wire/Curb Your Enthusiasm the way some people quote Twain, Shakespeare or Oprah).

Anyway, about 2 years ago I got myself a copy of the stereo version of The Crazy World of Arthur Brown album. I couldn’t get past the first track. It was bloody brilliant. From the opening lush string intro and unsettling breathing of an unknown demon to the playful and groovy organ about to kick in, this song is a journey into the madness of hell. The lyrics seem random at first, but when put into context of the first five songs of the album (or SIDE A for you old people who have heard of vinyl) which in itself is an EP about someone journey into hell. The repeated refrain of, “Why is it so cold outside? SO COLD!” and it’s distinctive chord structure is more brilliance. Oh, and I have to mention that countless artists who have been influenced by him and have tried to copy his whole style. He’s still rocking into his seventies by the way and I can’t wait to see him live this year!

My obsession with this album, especially the first five songs, especially this one made me want to write an early prog rock album with dusty drums, hard bass and a mad organ. That’s secretly being planned for 2021.”

Running Up That Hill/Hounds of Love by Kate Bush

“The second piece of music that I’ve been unhealthily obsessed with is the Hounds of Love album by Kate Bush, specifically the title track.

My first experience of Kate Bush’s music was with an unnamed mentor of mine in the rap game who would start his days off in the studio with some Kate Bush and Alanis Morissette and I would laugh at him. Years later, I found that Alan Partridge wouldn’t stop going on about her and I was curious to find out what the songs he was singing in his medley were. I started to listen to all of her albums and thought that Hounds of Love was the best put together. Her other albums have spectacular highlights but some songs are not in the same band of quality in my opinion. By the way, her harmonisation in songs such as ‘Kashka From Baghdad’ is criminal.

Running Up That Hill is a perfect song that always brings chills down my spine. Even if it’s the fifth time I’ve heard it in a row. The bridge of, “Come on baby, come on darlin'” is just ridiculous. And the song, Hounds of Love, just brings happiness to my life. I love the way she sings, “With nothing real, I just can’t deal with this,” in the second verse. Both songs feature classic 80s production with powerful synth chords. I actually came to the realisation that the reason I liked the idea and basic sounds of Kanye West’s 808s album was that it sounded 80s, a decade I was fascinated with but wasn’t alive for. This was just the real thing. Again, the first five songs on this album are linked thematically by issues of relationships with partners, parents and childhood. So good. So, so good. And like Arthur Brown, Kate Bush paved ways in her style for people like Madonna and Lady Gaga to act “unique” and “different”.”

The Red Flag by Pól Mac Adaim

“As a Manchester United fan this song means a lot to me. As a socialist, it means even more. Though ‘The Internationale’ is the most famous socialist song and is the one that the ideology of financial and social equality is most synonymous with, this is the real gem.

Written by Irishman, Jim Connell in 1889, it was originally set to be to the tune of ‘The White Cockade’ but thank goodness people put it to this. It makes me want to cry every time I hear Pól Mac Adaim’s version. Even his version of the Internationale is spine tingling. His voice is powerful, soft and full of pain. And his accent makes it sound even better. He’s a real artist as well. he doesn’t just do covers. He writes his own anthems about the plight of the Palestinian people, the Irish and the brave souls who went to Spain to fight fascism. If you had to pick a political affiliation based on anthems, the whole world would be socialists. Oh, and Labour – stop singing this song, you sell outs (other than Jeremy Corbyn and a select others).”

Coffin For Head Of State by Fela Kuti

“I won’t do much ‘splaining with this one. Just know that Fela Kuti is basically the Nigerian Bob Marley/Malcolm X and this song is to be listened to with deep concentration and a broken heart.”

Hip-Hop by Mos Def

“Now known as Yasiin Bey, Mos Def is my favourite musician of all time and this is probably my favourite song of his. I have a favourite song of his for every mood and scenario but this might be number one because it was the first song of his that I really dug.

From the opening line, “SPEECH IS MY HAMMER, BANG THE WORLD INTO SHAPE” which is awesome on so many levels. The first 100 times I heard this song it blew my mind. I was just taken aback by how I had been sleeping on someone this good with words. With the, “Speech is my hammer line”, I liked it so much because I had heard rappers use punchlines and similes but Yasiin is very metaphorical and he makes himself seem somehow more poetic than anyone else in the rap game. He also loves to juxtapose words (From the core to the perimeter) and uses paradoxes quite often, (Stay fluid even in staccato). His use of call and response is witty and cocky. He also uses popular phrases/titles in his songs like a collage and that’s one of the most beautiful things for me (The Invisible Man got the whole world watching/Native Son, speaking in the Native Tongue).

I’ve seen him perform about 9 times and met him a few times now and it was during this song, my favourite, in 2009 when he finally recognised me in the front row as the bloke who knows all his lyrics at all of his gigs and he gave me his drum sticks at the end of the gig. “This is for you,” he said. And to top it off, he signs this song off with one of my favourite lines ever: “From the sovereign state of the have-nots where farmers have trouble with cash crops.”

Many Men by 50 Cent

“The type of rapper I am, people seem surprised and even disappointed when they find out I’m a 50 Cent fan but the truth is, without this guy and this particular song, I wouldn’t be a rapper.

You see, being the oldest child in a household with not much music, I would listen to whatever was in the charts until I was 12 and my best friend’s older brother gave me a copy of, ‘Get Rich or Die Tryin”. After that, everything changed. 50 Cent was my idea of what masculinity was, especially as a black boy in London where there are no role models. From then on, I would do everything I could to emulate the life I thought 50 Cent had. Because he was so aggressive and physically intimidating and didn’t care about whose feeling he hurt, I wanted to have his ruthlessness and cockiness. Even more so because I was a kid who was bullied!

This song, Many Men was the first rap song I heard that sounded poetic. He talks about sunny days not being special if it wasn’t for rain and also gives a rare glimpse into his insecurities after being shot. It was also his melodic and catchy hook that got me writing sing-songy choruses when I first started to record music and that set me apart from my peers.”

Austerity by Awate

“This is my song, produced by Sway’s long-time DJ, Turkish, who is amazing. It’s loosely about the government’s austerity measures and how they are affecting poor people like me and those who live around me.I was making pop music for a few years when I left uni because I wanted to blow up. I think it’s more important to say what I feel and what needs to be said .

I was born in 1991 so I didn’t experience Thatcher but from what I have seen and heard, a lot of art and media was against the Tories and for the working class. It seems now, a lot of TV shows, films and even comedians have decided that socialism is a joke and push the Daily Mail’s Tory agenda. So let’s not support the status quo which is to kick the poor. Kick the minorities. Kick the disabled. Kick the elderly. Kick the obese. Kick the bald. Kick the vegans. Kick the bearded.

Instead of that crap, I’m going to rap really well about what is important and hopefully people from economic background in the UK and further will hear what I have to say, read up about it, get angry and join us at protests, occupations and online.”

“I hope I’ve convinced you to buy some stuff. If not, my mixtape, Elements is available for free download (or donation) right here:

We hope Awate will make your life better … he has ours.