Good friend of Bifurcated Angela Hallmark (
@whitepele10) was putting the finishing touches to her OaRtVP submission, when the Grazia magazine on the table next to her flicked open and the pages began to fan quickly, before it flew off the table! Before she could work out what was the hell was going on, the Bifurcated Train appeared (The budget is running low in the special effects department, so we had to cut that stunt short)!
The conductor handed her a £1 coin and pointed her towards the platform that we’ve all missed so much – it’s been so long *sniff*.
There was only one train waiting to depart, there was only one destination …
Angela arrived and was ushered towards the disused car park where she found the car-boot stall run this time by someone who looked suspiciously like ex-Manchester United and England player Lee Sharpe.
The character had a message for Angela: “Welcome to Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl. I’ve got to shift all these for a friend of a friend after a miscommunication over a singles-night, anyhoo, won’t bore you with the detail, this post is depressingly convoluted as it is. We have every single ever pressed or recorded in stock, and at 5 for £1, you can enjoy picking your 5 favourites of all time?!”
“I got given a tape of The Stone Roses live at the Hacienda when I was at high school, by some man, at a party, of one of my friend’s mum’s. It was the year of Spike Island, I wanted to go, I was 13, and it was never going to happen. The tape was the closest thing I was going to get to it. I also thought I knew everything about The Stone Roses. Mersey Paradise was on the tape, I had never heard it before. I thought it was the greatest thing I had ever heard, even with Ian’s well dodge vocals. My sister hated it. I played it until it wouldn’t work anymore. I have the Hacienda gig on my iPod now, and I can still listen to the song again and again. Even with the feedback, tuneless singing and mouthy manc la’s commenting in the background.”
“This is quite easy for me to choose – this is the song that is mine and my daddy’s. I went on a school exchange to Martha’s Vineyard and stayed with James Taylor’s brother’s family. I ate dinner at his mum’s – the first time I had lobster. All over the house were his and Carly Simon’s gold discs – I knew who Carly Simon was, I had seen Working Girl (Let The River Run) but had never heard of him. I was a dick when I was a teenager. When I came back I discovered Adrian had a greatest hits tape and we would play it always on our *drives*, we would drive round Manchester at night, to see Old Trafford, weird parts of North Manchester, just all over. Alongside Paul Simon, this tape soundtracked the streets of Manchester. And Carolina in my Mind was our fave. We didn’t stop the drive until we had sung it all the way through at least 2x. I spent great portions of my late teens/early twenties explaining who he was (James not my dad), with people constantly thinking I had got the name of the shitty acid-jazz group James Taylor Quartet wrong. Luckily for me, my love of singer-songwriters has been vindicated by many BBC 4 programmes overstating the influence of the Laurel Canyon scene.
“For a very long time I hated The Smiths. Me and my sister would complain when they were on Top of the Pops they wore bad clothes, they were not hot. I used to love it when someone wrote into NME/Select/Melody Maker to say they had seen Stephen eating a full English breakfast. La Moz was a total prick. I was so happy when Johnny Marr joined Electronic, cos he finally realised Barney was both hotter and cooler than Morrissey. And then I moved to London. I hated it. So so so much. Everyone at University was posh and rich or an overseas student. There was no real campus, London was big and expensive. I lived under the BT tower in a flat and my first visitors were Rentokill. The only thing I had was Definitely Maybe & the train back home. So how does this bring me to The Smiths? – a band I always hated. Well two things: Firstly Noel G did an interview, or several, where he said which bands he was influenced by. And then I met some people and they liked all the same music as me, except they also liked The Smiths. So here were the only good things in London (Noel G & my new *friends*) telling me I was missing out on something…..so I gave it a try. I started with of Hollow & then read The Severed Alliance and I have never looked back. Johnny is so obviously my fave, he is well cool. I love his jingle jangle style. I love Electronic. I died when I saw him play with The Cribs. He came out better in The Severed Alliance but I have a huge soft spot for Stephen Patrick. I could have easily listed 5 Smiths tracks, but I chose this one cos I think it is not just about the lyrics – the guitar is super important and it’s like a really good length and so happy and uplifting music with ridiculous lyrics. I defy anyone not to dance to this. It’s like perfect pop.”
“Singing in the car with my sister. Given a *part* and ONLY being allowed to sing that. Less obvious than Flying, but has an immense #westlifekeychange. Nuff said. Ps – anyone who says they don’t like Westlife is a liar.”
“The first *gig* I went to. At the Academy. I massively wanted to be part of *shoegazing*, I don’t know why. But the guitar is beautiful and jangly. And I heart it. And I had the album on vinyl (cos nothing else existed) and the cover was beautiful. And I wanted to go to Oxford. Or London. And just be cool. And then, when I was in San Francisco, I walked into a vintage shop in Haight and this was playing. I hadn’t heard it in 12 years. And I asked the scenester in the shop if they were playing Ride. And for first time ever in my life I felt like the coolest person in the world. And for a millisecond in that guy’s eyes I know I was.”
“I know this is Teen Fiction, but I could read it again and again.
July Blume was my fave writer when I was growing up. There are so many great things in the book but the best thing is the setting, post-war Miami. It compares a bathroom colour scheme to ones in a bordello (racy) and is just brilliant. Read it!!!”
… and then we dropped Angela back where she was and insisted the Conductor did a bit of tidying up, what with the magazine going on the floor and that.
A reminder you can follow Angela on Twitter here >>
To submit your own five favourite singles of all time and partake in our slightly creepy kidnapping scenario email us at: