Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Birchy

United fan, and good friend of Bifurcated, Birchy (@xbirchy) was busy mining for golden GIFs for the brilliant Beautifully Red, when his attention was grabbed by someting out the corner of his eye … it was only the Bifurcated Train Conductor cooking up his lunch in his kitchen – we’ve had words about his behaviour, it’s just all gone to his head (will be sure to bring him back down to Earth with Google Analytics at some point). (Frois Gras on a bed of champagne – if you’re interested).

 

The conductor handed Birchy a £2 coin and told him to, “Keep the change, you filthy animal!” And then, reminding us it was simply a reference to ‘Home Alone’, and he was simply getting into the spirit of Christmas. He then pointed Birchy in the direction of the platform.

There, of course, was only one train waiting to depart, there was only one destination …

Canvey Island!

 

Birchy stepped off the train and was ushered, like the others before him, towards the car park where he found the car-boot sale and the stall run this time by someone who looked suspiciously like ex-Manchester United player Eric Cantona. He’d insisted he be put on the rota, so he could thank Birchy for the 12 GIFs of Cantona!

 

As it was approaching Christmas, the only stock on the stall was Christmas songs. The character had a message: “Bienvenue à Canvey Island, cd cassettes et vinyles. Je dois passer tout cela pour un ami d’un ami après une erreur de communication avec des idioties que je ne peux pas être arsed vous parler, de toute façon, ne sera pas vous ennuyer avec ça. Nous avons toutes single de Noël jamais pressé ou enregistrés en stock, et à 5 pour 1 €, vous pouvez profiter de la cueillette de vos 5 favoris de tous les temps! ”

 

… and this is what Christmas songs Birchy picked and why (in his own words) …

 

“I’ve thought long and hard about my 5 favourite Xmas songs and I think ive nailed it. I tried to make it a bit different to your normal 5 favourite songs, so I’ve visited the movies (which are a huge part of my Christmas festivities, loads of movies to watch every year!)…”

 

Fairytale of New York by The Pogues ft. Kirsty MacColl

“By far the best Xmas song. Beautiful.”

 

Scrooge by The Muppets

“Amazing film and brilliant song. All of my family could sing you this from start to finish.”

 

Home Alone Theme by John Williams

“5 seconds in and you already feel Chrismassy. John Williams at his very best.”

 

Santa Clause is Coming to Town by The cast of Elf

“Love, love, love this film, and as I said, films are a huge part of Xmas, so I’ve gone with the scene where they sing one of my favourite Xmas carols!”

 

Have yourself a Merry Little Xmas by Frank Sinatra

“Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without some good old crooning.”

 

 

Just before Birchy headed back to the platform, the Eric “look-a-like” stallholder pointed him in the direction of the old abandoned book stall and asked him to pick out a book, for free, for the journey home.

 

 

… And Birchy picked …

 

The Night before Christmas

“Can’t wait to start reading this to my son in a few weeks time.”

 

 

… and then we dropped Birchy back where he was – quickly doing the dishes, as an apology for the Conductor’s behaviour.


You can follow Birchy on Twitter here >> @xbirchy or here >> @BeautifullyRed

And you can visit his beautiful site here >> Beautifully Red

 

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To submit your own five favourite singles of all time and partake in our slightly creepy kidnapping scenario email us at:

hello[at]bifurcated.co.uk

 

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Also available in the series (see below)…

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