Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Journo Jess

United fan and blogger Journo Jess (@Journo_JessJourno Jess Blog) was just about to take a picture of Phil Jones down by the touchline, when she noticed his face beginning to stretch a little too much?! Although slightly unnerved she carried on, presuming, as we all would, that this was just normal. But as the shutter closed, a projectile shot from his cavernous mouth!! It was the Bifurcated Train! What?! That’s where we’ve been keeping it. The rent’s really reasonable. You oughta see what else is back there!

The Bifurcated Train Conductor wiped off the excess saliva from his hi-vis, and tossed her a slightly damp £1 coin. Then holding out his mucousy hand he lead her in the direction of the platform.

There was only one train waiting to depart, there was only one destination…

Canvey Island!

 

As Jess disembarked at the other end, she was ushered towards the  car park and the now over familiar car-boot sale with the stall, run this time by someone who looked suspiciously like ex-Manchester United (when?!) and Calgary Foothill’s player Owen Hargreaves (BOO!)!

 

 

The character has a message: “Welcome to Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl. I’ve got to shift all these for a friend of a friend after a miscommunication over something that wasn’t my fault. NOTHING IS EVER MY FAULT! Anyhow, won’t bore you with the detail, this surreal nonsensical rubbish puts people off visiting this site as it is … We have every single ever pressed or recorded in stock, and at 5 for £1, you can enjoy picking your 5 favourites of all time?!”

 

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… and this is what Jess picked, and why (in her own words) …

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Lose Yourself by Eminem

“The first lines of this song are ‘Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted, in one moment, would you capture it or just let it slip?’

And this is exactly why I chose it- for its lyrical genius. It’s difficult not to lose yourself in this song that was featured in the rapper’s movie 8 Mile. If you’re struggling for motivation, listen to this.”

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This Charming Man by The Smiths

“I’m only 21 but I’m a big fan of Eighties music and it doesn’t get much better than this. The layered riffs played by Johnny Marr coupled with Morrissey’s vocals are spot on. It was played at Old Trafford before the Arsenal game which just shows it’s still appreciated, in Manchester anyway.”

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Landslide by Fleetwood Mac

“I heard this song in a film when I was younger and have been obsessed with it ever since. It’s a poignant track about growing up and in my opinion sums up life beautifully. It was also mentioned in my favourite book which gives it even more resonance personally.”

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Viva La Vida by Coldplay

“Such a powerful song that I’ll never get tired of. It was perhaps overplayed when it first came out but I still think it’s great. Best described as an orchestral anthem- I definitely think that it’s Coldplay’s best track.”

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Ain’t It Fun by Paramore

“This band are great live and if I’m having a bad day I know this song off their latest self-titled album will always cheer me up. Ain’t it fun!”

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Just before Jess headed back to the platform “Owen” (BOO!) pointed her in the direction of the old abandoned book stall and asked her to pick out a book, for free, for the journey home. “I didn’t leave it like that!!” he added.

 

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… and Jess picked …

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The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

“My favourite book would have to be The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. It’s a really clever book that is narrated by someone describing their life experiences growing up in high school through sending letters to an anonymous person. It was made into a movie last year starring Emma Watson (of Harry Potter fame). It’s not a bad film adaptation but I definitely prefer the book. The protagonist often listens to The Smiths, Fleetwood Mac (this is the book that mentions ‘Landslide’) and The Beatles which makes it even better because I listen to them a lot too. It’s quite deep in places, often trying to figure out why life is the way it is but it’s easy to relate to and a coming-of-age story that will move you no matter how old you are.”

 

… and then we dropped Jess back in the stand, as if nothing had ever happened, and made a run for it before Phil Jones regurgitated anything else.

A reminder you can follow Jess on twitter here > @Journo_Jess,

Or visit her site here >  Journo Jess Blog

Or Facebook page here > Journo Jess Facebook

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To submit your own five favourite singles and take part in our mildly embarrassing amateurish kidnapping scenario, email us at:

hello[@]bifurcated.co.uk

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Also available in the series: see below…

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