New things…

United vs. Watford

United vs. Watford

(@Benglorious) This is gonna be so great. A famous victory, not only for United, but for all mankind. Remember the date. Prediction: World peace brought about by a Jesse Lingard through-ball. 0-0 United.  M  (@tom_mcghee) Watford was created as an urban district under the Local Government Act 1894 and became a municipal borough by grant […]

EL: Club Bruge 1 - 1 United

EL: Club Bruge 1 – 1 United

Aah 2019/2020 disappointment, we’d missed you. Give us a hug you big beautiful emotion you. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Changing six players was a mistake. A very large mistake. The kind of mistake you’d expect from a manager at Cardiff or something 2. Bruno looks good 3. Prefer Borat tbqfhwy 4. We’re better than that […]

EL: Club Bruges vs. United

EL: Club Bruges vs. United

Words lol fuck that tin pot Europe nonces

Bifurclownshoes "Season" Review

Bifurclownshoes “Season” Review

*abso maverick glolorific intro to rapturous applause* *from Paul*   Here’s some questions we asked each other to pad this excuse for Tom to share his considered thoughts on the 2018/19 season:   1. What shape is a/the wheel? Benno: It doesn’t matter what shape the wheel is, it matters who’s at said wheel and […]

United 0 - 2 Cardiff

United 0 – 2 Cardiff

Thank. Fuck. Here’s the final 5 things we learned from the season that taught us so much without teaching us anything we didn’t already know, or want to know or want to learn about knowing about: 1. Bad luck, Liverpool. 2. I’d rather have no chance of winning the league from the start than have […]

CL: Barcelona (1) vs. (0) United

CL: Barcelona (1) vs. (0) United

  (@Benglorious) Yet another pivotal night in United’s Champions League history. I don’t know about you, but I’m fed up with all this midweek rigmarole. Hopefully the lads feel the same and make this the last game we have to suffer through for a couple of years. Prediction: A half-hearted, going through the motions performance followed […]

EFL Cup Final: United 3 - 2 Southampton

EFL Cup Final: United 3 – 2 Southampton

AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US! AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US! AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US! WE’RE GONNA WIN THE LEAGUE cup! Here’s 5 things we learned after our momentous day out at Wemberley: 1. Winning is good when you’re hungover. 2. It’s also good at other times. 3. Can’t decide if Lingard […]

250ney! Revroo!!

250ney! Revroo!!

  Wayne Mark Rooney. Captain. Leader. Legend. 250 goals scored in a United shirt to take the record out of Sir Bobby Charlton’s skeletal grasp. To put that in perspective: If he played for another 36 years he’d have 1000 goals. That would almost make me forget about the two transfer requests. Almost. The problem […]

Community Championship: Leicester 1 - 2 United

Community Championship: Leicester 1 – 2 United

Football is back here. Fasten your safety helmets, buckle on … Bifurcated is slipping up through the Germaine Grears and turboing the machs to full futuristicism. Peddles to the medals… It’s the one, two (though technically a number), three, four, five, siSIX words you’ve all been waiting all your “Boohoo it’s not like 2014, we’ve […]

Communitycharity Cupshield: Leiceister vs United

Communitycharity Cupshield: Leiceister vs United

*New season joke TBC* *I can’t speak for myself, but them other two haven’t done a preview innit*

Paul’s House Puppets: Roondog

Paul’s House Puppets: Roondog

Bifurcated’s Inside Scoopage

As promised, us the real heroes, have got the hot scoop (old newspaper term) on the most recent club leaks. Obviously as superfans we’ve long been privy to the club’s inner workings but think the time is right to tell you, the reader, what we’ve learnt. Learned? Learnt? (These are alternative forms of the past […]

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

Bi-Benno: Where Are They Right Now..?

Bi-Konny: Michael Owen Reads Mean Tweets...

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