New things…

Tottenham vs. United

Tottenham vs. United

m (@Benglorious) Fuck Andy Murray. I don’t hate him because he’s Scottish. I don’t hate him because he’s a miserable cunt. I don’t even hate him because he plays the most Tory of sports. I hate him because he let the Green Goblin kill Gwen Stefani. Prediction: Respect from Poch, enthusiasm from Ole, narrative from […]

FAC: United 2 - 0 Reading

FAC: United 2 – 0 Reading

Sir Ole Gunnar FergSolkjaerson used this FA Cup tie as the perfect opportunity to show just how much we needed to pay any team to take Sanchez off of our hands. Genius imho. If only we could win every single game by scoring a million of goals and being the superior team, regardless of the […]

EFL Cup Final: United 3 - 2 Southampton

EFL Cup Final: United 3 – 2 Southampton

AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US! AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US! AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US! WE’RE GONNA WIN THE LEAGUE cup! Here’s 5 things we learned after our momentous day out at Wemberley: 1. Winning is good when you’re hungover. 2. It’s also good at other times. 3. Can’t decide if Lingard […]

250ney! Revroo!!

250ney! Revroo!!

  Wayne Mark Rooney. Captain. Leader. Legend. 250 goals scored in a United shirt to take the record out of Sir Bobby Charlton’s skeletal grasp. To put that in perspective: If he played for another 36 years he’d have 1000 goals. That would almost make me forget about the two transfer requests. Almost. The problem […]

Community Championship: Leicester 1 - 2 United

Community Championship: Leicester 1 – 2 United

Football is back here. Fasten your safety helmets, buckle on … Bifurcated is slipping up through the Germaine Grears and turboing the machs to full futuristicism. Peddles to the medals… It’s the one, two (though technically a number), three, four, five, siSIX words you’ve all been waiting all your “Boohoo it’s not like 2014, we’ve […]

Communitycharity Cupshield: Leiceister vs United

Communitycharity Cupshield: Leiceister vs United

*New season joke TBC* *I can’t speak for myself, but them other two haven’t done a preview innit*

Paul’s House Puppets: Roondog

Paul’s House Puppets: Roondog

Bifurcated’s Inside Scoopage

As promised, us the real heroes, have got the hot scoop (old newspaper term) on the most recent club leaks. Obviously as superfans we’ve long been privy to the club’s inner workings but think the time is right to tell you, the reader, what we’ve learnt. Learned? Learnt? (These are alternative forms of the past […]

Series review in reverse: 'In a Word'...

Series review in reverse: ‘In a Word’…

Welcome to ‘In a Word’… The one-word-based reverse review of the new football series, where we show William how much our Words-worth and with our word of mouth reputation you’ll be wordpressed to find a crossword to say about us…Word! Us’ve invited some Twerples to give us some one word questions about the forthcoming season […]

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

Bi-Benno: Where Are They Right Now..?

Bi-Konny: Michael Owen Reads Mean Tweets...

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