January 2017

Case File #5: Invasion of Privacy

Case File #5: Invasion of Privacy

He may no longer play for United, but we have managed to get our grubby little hands on the archived, top-secret, investigations he undertook while he was still under our employment… Micky has seen it all. From the depths of despair and depravity on the streets of Liverpool, to the bleak cultural black hole of […]

United 1 - 0 Fulham

United 1 – 0 Fulham

 Penalty, Sccchhhmenalty. We’d obviously slipped two-bob in the ref’s pocket whilst holding his family hostage in the car park out the back etc etc etc … Nothing more boring than a penalty debate, when done so unimagintively. Rooney scores again. United win again. Man of the Match:  Martin Jol

United 2 – 1 Fulham

With our strange home form nothing can be taken for granted and with now having the momentum in the league our focus will have shifted. With that in mind, I can see us struggling a bit in this game, unless we get a couple of early goals (The story of our season almost). As long […]

Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Des Flannelly

Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Des Flannelly

Friend of Bifurcated Des Flannelly (@Flanders03) was just off down his local for a quick pint, but as he stepped out the house he was confronted by a train station (surprise, surprise) that had appeared out of thin-air.  The conductor handed him a shiny £1 coin and thrust his hand in the direction of the platform. There was only one train waiting to depart, there […]

Not A Rant: I miss proper diving.

Not A Rant: I miss proper diving.

I don’t use the “Rant” category section of the site much, in part because I’m not entirely comfortable with the word, but whatever, here goes, people get NHS beds quicker than I get to the point sometimes, if I ever do … . In the last four or five games I’ve watched on as at least three thirds […]

Red Fergie's Bife Stories: Juan Manuel

Red Fergie’s Bife Stories: Juan Manuel

Next on the Bi-Player, we return to Red Fergie’s Bife Stories. We have upped his dosage of tranquilisers following the 100% Unofficial Balotelli interview, so, as usual, let’s get going before they start to wear off…     Och, many of us know Juan Manuel through his site  The Red Insider, but what else do we know? Let’s […]

The Fairytale of Dwight Yorke

The Fairytale of Dwight Yorke

As gunshots rang out and ricocheted across Villa Park, a figure with his pants around his ankles, waddled clumsily into the back of the waiting getaway car.  The tyres screeched away as 12.6 million pounds spilled from the inside of the cab and was hurriedly gathered by the bumbling villa-gers, and thus setting in motion one of the single […]

Who would you prefer - Welbeck or Balotelli?

Who would you prefer – Welbeck or Balotelli?

We’re not going to show any bias towards our choice – that just wouldn’t be fair on Balotelli. So, of the two young whippersnappers, which would you rather have in your team’s  starting eleven?

Wolves 0 - 5 United

Wolves 0 – 5 United

Only one thing to say … T.V What would we do without him. Actually, don’t answer that it was a rhetorical question anyway, I’ve seen what we do without him and it’s upsetting.

Happy Mother's Day from the biggest Mother of them all ...

Happy Mother’s Day from the biggest Mother of them all …

Wolves 2 – 3 United

Just got a feeling that this one is going to be a bit of an “end-to-ender”. There’s obviously a lot of emotion in the air after the unfortunate events in the F.A cup last night and I think this will effect the players on both teams. We never know how we’re going to play at […]

Athletic Bilbao 2 - 1 United

Athletic Bilbao 2 – 1 United

Wow! That’s the best impression of Park, Park has ever done, there really is no defending him … The alarming thing was that he wasn’t the worst United player on the night *Throws glances in the direction of Cleverley, Rafael, Evra, Young, Giggsy*. Ha Ha, obviously that was a joke, Young wasn’t even playing … (What? Sorry I’m trying to […]

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

Bi-Benno: Where Are They Right Now..?

Bi-Konny: Michael Owen Reads Mean Tweets...