March 2016

Spurs vs United

Spurs vs United

I was thinking: why don’t we try something crazEE this week, hey?! Go with me here guys … Why don’t we play Kags, right, Kags, yeah … in the hole, and I don’t know, try and WIN a game. As opposed to not playing Kags in the hole and losing a game. Just an idea. […]

CL: Bayer Leverkusen 0 - 5 United

CL: Bayer Leverkusen 0 – 5 United

As we’re (I’m) asking questions: who was it who said, Sometimes when you think a game will be one way, it’s another. Obviously someone with the massivist football brain … oh, that was me, before this game. Who’d have thought freeing Shinji again, would prove to be such a progressive move again? Are there actually any […]

CL: Bayer Leverkusen vs United

CL: Bayer Leverkusen vs United

Who was it who said Bayer Leverkusen’s great strength was in that they were very good at being passive? I’ll ruddy tell you … someone who obviously thinks they are above having a football mouth. That’s who. Have you ever heard the like of it?! I’d just skip this bit if I were you. Damn, […]

Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Paul Gunning

Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Paul Gunning

United fan, blogger and good friend of Bifurcated Paul Gunning (@PaulGunning1, The Right Irreverend Blogger) was not being Tobey Maguire by double-bluffing and being all Tobey Maguirey on his avatars and such, when Kirsten Dunst burst on set dressed as The Bifurcated Train. Wait! No! It was The Bifurcated Train dressed as Kirsten Dunst. Wait! No! etc… […]

This Isn't Called 'Dat-Signal'

This Isn’t Called ‘Dat-Signal’

A Perennial Problem: Or When Is A Tree Actually A Tree?

A Perennial Problem: Or When Is A Tree Actually A Tree?

Trees – the lungs of the planet: the perfect accompaniment to a park, a woodland walk, or an illustration of a grassy hillock. What’s not to like about trees? But, what happens when trees get ideas above their station? Humans have been passing themselves off as trees ever since the olden days, adopting tree-like characteristics […]

Cardiff 2 - 2 United

Cardiff 2 – 2 United

It’s gonna be one of them seasons. Whatever that means. I dunno. I only write this stuff. I’m not expected to make sense of it as well. Am I? Danny’s back <3

Thomas Cooked?

Thomas Cooked?

Tom Cleverley is fertile ground for cynics, and it would be reasonable to assert that he’s invited this upon himself in apparently choosing to embrace narcissism where authenticity would have served him better. Cynics are, after all, hopeless romantics with cripplingly high moral and ethical (and mostly hypocritical) standards, that the modern footballer couldn’t possibly […]

Cardiff vs United

Cardiff vs United

The Human League obviously foresaw Danny’s prolonged absence, when they penned their hit Tell Me When Will I See Danny Welbeck Again (You have to play it backwards, whilst walking counter-clockwise round a tree, in a church yard). I miss him. The good news is he’s so close to being back, I can smell him […]

Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Craig English

Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Craig English

United fan, blogger, and friend of Bifurcated Craig English (@CraigEnglish92, Taught By Matt Busby) was settling down in front of the telly to watch the horse-racing. But just as he reached for the remote he noticed it was looking a little more train-shaped than normal, and not only that, it was about a hundred times […]

J.O.S.O.S

J.O.S.O.S

Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Journo Jess

Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Journo Jess

United fan and blogger Journo Jess (@Journo_Jess, Journo Jess Blog) was just about to take a picture of Phil Jones down by the touchline, when she noticed his face beginning to stretch a little too much?! Although slightly unnerved she carried on, presuming, as we all would, that this was just normal. But as the shutter closed, […]

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

Bi-Benno: Where Are They Right Now..?

Bi-Konny: Michael Owen Reads Mean Tweets...

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