March 2016

Middlesborough 1 - 3 United

Middlesborough 1 – 3 United

United’s tactics have come under intense scrutiny after their second half display saw them revert to a flat back eleven. For those of you who are new to Association Football, a flat back eleven is kind of like a flat back twelve but without the extra character bought in on the heist and without the […]

Middlesborough vs. United

Middlesborough vs. United

(@Benglorious)  m When a team lose their manager – as Middlesborough have done during this past week – it’s perceived that the players, fuelled by a feeling of emancipation (whether the players had lost faith, or not) become ‘stronger together’. However, if we delve into the statistics based on performance levels pre and post managers […]

EL: United (2) 1 - 0 (1) Rostov

EL: United (2) 1 – 0 (1) Rostov

This game will be forever remembered for something.         Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Didn’t watch it but got 7 trophies on Tomb Raider instead. 2. Hope this helps. 3. Like 1 but with another game and less trophies. 4. Like 1 and 3 but with a life.

FAC: Chelsea 1 - 0 United

FAC: Chelsea 1 – 0 United

Who knew that a team without Ander Herrera would lose to a team with 97 Kantes spread out over the pitch in parts of the pitch that are undetectable to the human eye?! It’s always good to remember that in losing this game we have successfully avoided all the big teams in the semi-final draw. […]

W.Heatus: Bailly

W.Heatus: Bailly

EL: United (1) vs. (1) Rostov

EL: United (1) vs. (1) Rostov

(@Benglorious)  m I’m also probably not gonna manage it because I have very little time and don’t want to RUSSIA it. UKRAINE not be serious. Brett sure is a cunt.  m Prediction: Tom to post our WhatsApp convo as our preview. 0-0 United. m m  (@tom_mcghee) I can’t do words tonight as I’m ROSTOV my feet […]

FA Cup: Chelsea vs. United

FA Cup: Chelsea vs. United

(@Benglorious) Last time we played Chelsea we did something, but that was in the league. This is the real test – the FA Cup. Our last meeting with Chelsea in this competition resulted in something. As the current holders, United need to prove they’re better than Chelsea by channelling the cup spirit of Lincoln and […]

EL: Rostov 1 - 1 United

EL: Rostov 1 – 1 United

Our exclusive fan poll after the game revealed that, of the 665 billion United fans around the world, over 70% would rather eat their own death than watch the second leg of this game. In other news, our Kickstarter to have this game struck from the records has been flagged by the financial ombudsman, as […]

Lookinthe Toprightco (rner): Tony

Lookinthe Toprightco (rner): Tony

G.Garvey: Zlatan

G.Garvey: Zlatan

EL: Rostov vs. United

EL: Rostov vs. United

(@Benglorious) I have no fucking idea who Rostov are. I do, however, know what a rosti is – a sat on bag of chips that Tories like to eat. Prediction: Elbohimovic. You can have that one. Unless it can be monetised. Actually, it’d be easier to just send me cash and avoid all the fuss. […]

United 1 - 1 Bournemouth

United 1 – 1 Bournemouth

At Bifurcated we have been lobbying for a long time with the footballerers: it’s such a shame these results aren’t recorded in a table or league format, because by my calculations we’d be sitting proud in 6th place, and the whole world would be saying something about it every day of the week, and every […]

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

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Bi-Konny: Michael Owen Reads Mean Tweets...

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