January 2017

Another resounding anti-win sees Vangle’s Army cement 5th place and move that bit closer to automatic misqualification for the Europaldi League, next season. The philRooneylastminutepenaltyosophy was all set until Charlie Austin powers inI SAID AUSTIN POWERS!!!! I’ve forgotten my point.     Like our beloved United players on the Twits … here’s some learnings we […]

m  Benno (@Benglorious) There were two things Benno loathed more than anything in the world: Talented colleagues and talking about Benno in the third person in a pastiche of Tom’s homage to a parody of that thing he writes occasionally. Wait, that’s three things. Four if you include me. Oh. This isn’t the five things we […]

Marryone and Roonskiparinhoaldoski keep the march to successfulness victorious victory alive and banging, with the old one two how’s your grandma glorious boom times while instantaneously elevating themselves above the aboveness that they’d already elevated themselves above in the past, present and future. Klopp can take his gangnamstyle and go and get his coat on […]

m  Benno (@Benglorious) To take my mind off the football I’m currently watching Making a Murderer. If this show had been one of those schlocky American 1-hour specials nobody would be talking about it, but spread it out over ten shows on a paid subscription service and suddenly it’s the greatest crime show there’s ever been. […]

People of Newcastle: Spuggy, Spender, Cheryl Cole, Sting, we gave your boys one hell of a drawing. Roonslice rolled back the tyres to provide a glimpse of a pre-dollshair action hero we always loved. Can’t believe you lot were so fickle tbh. Here’s 5 things we learned as we stretch our unbeaten run to some […]

m  Benno (@Benglorious) “We’re not evolving. We’re not going anywhere.”   Prediction: Ashes to Ashes. 0-0 United.    Tom (@tom_mcghee) “We can beat them, just for one day.” Prediction: Hallo Spaceboy. 0-0 United.   .  Brett(@workagaininnit) “I don’t know where we’re going from here, but I promise it will be boring.” That’s funny co Prediction: Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes: 0-0 […]

Heard Vangle’s philosophy involves beating all the goals out of the players at half time using a limp effigy of Bebe, naked, crafted from Falcao’s unwashed gussets, left in lost property. Why he left just the gussets I do not know. My source suspects the rest of the underpant material is being used for something […]

m  Benno (@Benglorious) “THERE’S ONLY ONE UNITED!!” goes the famous terrace chant, and today the FA Cup proves that football fans are idiots and liars. Things that the FA Cup is yet to prove include: Magic, giants (killed or not) and cup fever. I think we can all agree that the FA Cup has 24 hours to […]

The old reliable shin came to the rescue again as Louis Vangle’s Calmy marched into 2016 with a battle cry loud enough to be heard. Roondo’s goooooooooooooalaaaaaaazo goal goal goal goal goal goal goal goal was only the second outing for the magic shin since records began, and propelled the absolute Leg.end to second in […]

m  Benno (@Benglorious) I like Swansea. The football team, not the godforsaken scumtown. Vangle doesn’t. The football team, that is. I have no idea what he thinks of Swansea because he keeps his town reviews locked away in a special cabinet along with all our goals AMIRITE LADS?!?!?!? I’ve never been to Swansea. I’ve been to […]