Features

  Bite us.

  Wayne Mark Rooney. Captain. Leader. Legend. 250 goals scored in a United shirt to take the record out of Sir Bobby Charlton’s skeletal grasp. To put that in perspective: If he played for another 36 years he’d have 1000 goals. That would almost make me forget about the two transfer requests. Almost. The problem […]

  *Hilarious introduction*    @EchoingQuack (85 year-old teenage girl) – How much longer are you going to keep the whole kooky “ooh there’s four of us” schtick up? feels a bit tired TBH TM: Fuck off cunt BG: Until after either Paul gets the presidency or the rest of us are dead by his hand. BU: […]

As promised, us the real heroes, have got the hot scoop (old newspaper term) on the most recent club leaks. Obviously as superfans we’ve long been privy to the club’s inner workings but think the time is right to tell you, the reader, what we’ve learnt. Learned? Learnt? (These are alternative forms of the past […]

Welcome to ‘In a Word’… The one-word-based reverse review of the new football series, where we show William how much our Words-worth and with our word of mouth reputation you’ll be wordpressed to find a crossword to say about us…Word! Us’ve invited some Twerples to give us some one word questions about the forthcoming season […]

(Bifurcated – (n. adj. adv. v.) To half-arse something to the point of it being one-hundredth of a fourteenth of an arse and therefore of little consequence to anybody, alive or dead.) IT’S FINALLY OVER!!  NO MORE FOOTBALL EXCEPT THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL AND THE WOMEN’S WORLD CUP WHICH WE LOVE AND THE COPA AMERICA […]

Firstly, I don’t really know what annotated means so don’t ask or point out if its wrong, it lends credibility. Secondly: Given the debacle that was the UETFA World Cup (I still can’t believe they built that stadium in the middle of nowhere) and the fallout that followed, it seemed Time And Fruit was done. […]

16 years ago I was stumbling from one party to the next. The same faceless faces – some of them familiar, for what that was worth. For what that actually meant back then. Faces I’d seen around, but didn’t have the time, the inclination, or the humility, to find out more about. It was a […]

England camp in disarray, ahead of qualifier against Slovenia, as age old problem rears its ugly letterhead and leads to dressing room bust up… When it was announced earlier this week that both Andros Townsend and Michael Carrick would be returning from International duty to their respective employers, as a result of minor knocks picked […]

The Premier League could soon be left drowning its sorrows, as Water threatens to put the freeze on their long standing relationship.   The world was left to drink in the shock waves this week, as images emerged of highly acclaimed, and universally renowned The Premier League manager, Neil Warnock, being left humiliated by a […]

During the period of time conveniently referred to as the ‘2013/14 football season’ – a period of time future generations of  Manchester United fans would oversee being removed from the public record – United Fan Tom McGhee took it upon himself to re-ignite global interest in ‘Time and Fruit’… Time and Fruit: Rules and amendments Initially […]