March 2016

Crystal Palace vs United

Crystal Palace vs United

   Benno (@Benglorious) Has he done the Wayne RoooOOOoooOOO000oney gag? Shit. What about the Marrying Formaldahyde one? What are the odds, eh? David Moyes, now that was scary.   m Opposition summary: Crystal Palace are the best team in the Premiership League with a house in their name. Unless you count Aston Villa, but nobody does. Prediction: […]

LC: United 0 – 0 Middlesborough (1-3 pens)

With Halloween just around the corner, we’re giving this analysis an egg theme… An egg each took the match into Added Egg Time and then eggsactly what happened next has been destroyed in the fire. No doubt, Capper Roo set the eggsample, and Michael ‘The Michael Carrick’ Carrick, and Ashley ‘The Elder’ Young did the […]

LC: United vs Middlesborough

LC: United vs Middlesborough

 Benno (@Benglorious) Eating my dinner while I’m “writing” because apparently I have more important things in my life than this shambolic website. Only joking. Not the dinner part – I’ve just dropped some mince on thr kweybnoardf. m Opposition summary: Middlesborough should be better than my last joke, but you (me) haven’t seen them since […]

United 0 – 0 City

You knighted and Setee showed off their Champions League crudities, by playing out a tactical conundrum that had Richard Whiteley duhduh-duhduh-duhduhduhduh-dooooooooooo-ing in his grave, wishing he could die twice. Too soon. This is Paul. The focus of all the post match talkings and questions has been Ledgernd Roondog: How many legs does he need? Can you […]

United vs City

United vs City

    Benno (@Benglorious) Imagine if we’d got Mourinho instead of Moyes. Got that? Now imagine a giraffe, but with wheels and Quentin Tarantino’s face. Still with me? Now imagine a building so vast that it has its own capital city. What’s the name of that city? Nobody knows. I’ve forgotten my point. m Opposition summary: Manchester […]

CL: CSKA Moscow 1 -1 United

CL: CSKA Moscow 1 -1 United

Mar Seal used his head, shoulders, knees and toes, apart from his shoulders and toes and with a bit of one of his hands to influence the game at both ends, like in the Lighthouse Family’s remix of the classic song from 80s birthday parties. If you didn’t know we were Maverick writerers, you’d think […]

CL: CSKA Moscow vs United

CL: CSKA Moscow vs United

  Benno (@Benglorious) Playing a game in the Championship League of Europe is always good. Playing in all the games in the Championship League of Europe is even gooder, especially if you win the last one. That’s when you get a nice trophy and all the other teams have to bow when they see you and […]

Everton 0 - 3 United

Everton 0 – 3 United

Ander the rare hare took the bull by the proverbial hooves and stuck it to the toffees like taking candy from a sweet shop, run by a baby (note to self: contact trading standards about this). A goal from Roondaddy brought him one step closer to becoming the all time goalscoring Wayne Rooney of all […]

Everton vs United

Everton vs United

  Benno (@Benglorious) Bit gutted there’s not more international football to be quite flipping honest with you in all seriousness. There’s nothing better in my opinion than watching world-class players try and raise the games of those around them and ultimately fail.   m Opposition summary: Everton are the best team in the Premiership League that sound […]

Footballiversity #11 – September 2015

Multiversity was a DC comics series written by Grant Morrison. Every month saw a story loosely tied around a seemingly haunted comic book. Footballiversity and the various numbered Footballiverses are a shameless rip-off of the comics device (found elsewhere too, of course) of using parallel universes when you have nothing else to write about, and […]

Arsenal 3 – 0 United

No goalscorings from Vangle’s boys made it almost impossible to beat Arsenal, resulting in us not beating Arsenal. Whether they did any goals and took advantage of that is anyone’s guess. Guess we’ll never know. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1) Better Rooneys: a) Mickey. a2) Anyone else with that name. 1) Should put out […]

CL: United 2 – 1 VFL Wolfsburg

Pensmith John Murder did what he did best by smithing a pen to bring us back into it. And then Chris Smallholding did what he does worst in ‘terrorising’ the Wolvesburg defence and grabbing the golden goal to lift the Europe Championship. For now. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1) Roondog is getting really good […]

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

Bi-Benno: Where Are They Right Now..?

Bi-Konny: Michael Owen Reads Mean Tweets...

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