Liverpool’s pair-shaped season

Let's kiss and make up.

Ying-yang, heaven-hell, Barry Elliot-Paul Elliot and other dependent opposites have an important part to play in our understanding of the world. They divide the whole which makes things interesting and when things get interesting people tend to get upset. It’s the law of bi-polar. So it’s with great pleasure that as a Liverpool supporter I get to unite the halves for this bifocular Manc blog.

Ménage a trios as in the 433 are clearly an abomination to all respectable dualists who will have a similar concern about those who prefer to self-pleasure ( 4411)… so let’s start with the formation 442, which has been deployed in a number of Pool’s triumphs over their fiercest rivals. I believe we’re all agreed that the strongest pairings are of centre backs; full back and winger; centre midfielders; centre forwards. All but one of our Red (non-Devil) couples are newly-weds and on their respective honeymoons have had as many miss-connections as spontaneous moments of passion. One pair’s relationship is distinctly on the ropes; this is the proverbial dichotomy of Mars and Venus. They seem to speak different languages and they look weird too.

Other scousers have had problems with Venus and Mars...

The current ‘wizard’ of the Liverpool FC realm, Sir Dalg, sorry, Mr Dalglish is experimenting with the laws of nature and has found an anomaly. Having spent 10 to the power of {insert any number} more than my current salary on a pairing that looked to be a classic fit based on the circa 1971 Keegan-Toshack combo, critics have been quick to point out that Mr D’s current alchemy has produced something more closely linked to the circa 1962 Little and Large movement. However, whilst not hitting upon gold there is a mercurial quality to one of those players. The analogy goes something like this: Mercury is toxic. Mercury combines with other metal to provide an amalgam. The amalgam makes the mercury relatively inert (e.g. used in tooth fillings). But who wants an inert footballer? I would rather have a striker in deadly form, eh? Eh? No? I’ll leave the metaphors to the monkeys on typewriters from now on.

*Insert 'Robin' scouser joke here*

For me Suarez doesn’t need a strike partner, he’ll happily play a sublime pass through to himself, make runs off his runs and fight his own daemons. He’s his own partner. He unites the beautiful and the ugly, the true and the false, the bad and the good.

This leaves Dalglish in a quandary; what to do with the left over player… does he do the immoral and attach this man to another group, creating a triad, does he put him on his own up front to lead the line while Suarez flits randomly across the pitch or is there another option? So far he has experimented with 5 different players, although only one of them has been instructed to lead the line… Carroll. They have all performed well enough to get us third in the league for shots on goal, but not well enough as we are in the bottom 4 for shot accuracy. The other option was supposed to be Torres, bless his leaden boots, another player who enjoyed popping up here, there and everywhere (now shackled in a rigid, slow moving tactical nightmare). I think we will see another maverick striker bought in January who will contribute to the confusion I have regarding pairs.

Who put this sprinkler here!

So given that we need time for our couples to bed in and time for our forwards to stop groping around in the dark and pop their balls in the back of the net I think we are doing very well. We’ve been contenders in all games other than the Spurs one and could easily go on a good run playing Fulham, QPR, Villa, Wigan, Blackburn, before Newcastle on 30^th Dec. However, our star may be falling with Lucas out for the remains of the season and no experienced holding player as backup. Oh and Suarez potentially being banned for life if found guilty of racism. Dalglish has done a great job so far of galvanising the individuals into pairs and pairs into the whole but with our central-midfield disintegration and our striking discord our mettle shall most certainly be tested over the remaining two-thirds of a season.

In an unexpected move Suarez and Evra were forced to make up and become dance partners on Strictly Come Dancing.

[Honorable mentions should go to our relatively old couple, Agger and Skrtel and their exceptional performances at the back, and to our other ‘one’ Reina, who between them have created one of the most water-tight defences in the Premier League]

Questions for the field:

Our favourite opponents, United, appear to have three flair forwards in Rooney, Nani and Berbatov who like to drop deep to get the ball – reducing the threat up front. I’ve noticed that with Welbeck, Hernandez and Owen you have players who like to play up on the last man – have they managed to forge any partnerships with their flamboyant colleagues or do you have a similar dilemma as us?

Also, how well do you think your other partnerships in the team are getting on?

Big love to my big enemy.