Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Surge Biscuits
United fan Surge Biscuits (@NoHeroesHere) – blogger on various sites including his own Blatant Red – was uploading a few photos to Instagram when the glass of water on the table beside him began to tremble (like in dinosaur films and that). This was no dinosaur, no, this was the arrival of the Bifurcated Train! (Although having said that, the “jokes” are pretty old now.)
The conductor tossed Surge a £1 coin and after a swift and somewhat surprisingly nimble display of dexterity, lifted up Surge and carried him piggy back style towards the platform. There, of course, was only one train waiting to depart, there was only one destination …
Canvey Island!
As Surge got off the train he was shoved towards the car park and the now familiar wonder of the car-boot sale with the stall, run this time by someone who looked suspiciously like ex-Manchester United player Bryan “Robbo” Robson!
As the story goes, the character has a message: “Welcome to Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl. I’ve got to shift all these for a friend of a friend after a miscommunication over buying a football club (*Yikes**Double Yikes for repeating this punchline twice*), anyhow, won’t bore you with the detail, it’s all just padding out the post with more nonsensical rambling really. We have every single ever pressed or recorded in stock, and at 5 for £1, you can enjoy picking your 5 favourites of all time?!”
And this is what Surge picked and why (in his own words) …
Black Dog by Led Zeppelin
“Terribly clichéd, I know, but I don’t care. Zeppelin are my favourite band of all time. The ’70s is probably my favourite musical decade and Zeppelin simply epitomise the rock of that period. Asking me to pick my favourite Zeppelin song is like asking Mrs. Da Silva to choose her favourite curly-haired cuddle muffin, I could easily have picked five and still felt bad for leaving some out, but I went for ‘Black Dog’ because it’s a great example of what I love most about Zeppelin with it’s fusing of blues riffs and stadium-rock energy. John Bonham is probably the best drummer I’ve ever heard and the way he mirrors the guitar in this tune is simply wonderful. Add Robert Plant’s trademark wails and you couldn’t really ask for more.”
Headless Heroes by Eugene McDaniels
“‘Headless Heroes of the Apocalypse’ is one of my favourite albums. Blending jazz-fusion with humorous, politically-conscious lyrics. It’s also a wet dream for hip hop aficionados, having been sampled by the likes of the Pete Rock, De La Soul and Eric B and Rakim. The bridge that follows the first chorus is a joy to behold.”
Amoreena by Elton John
“Elton John is a lot like Michael Owen in the sense that years of mind-numbingly banal, turgid detritus have clouded the memory to just how good the early part of his career was – that and the fact that they both make a living sitting on a bench. Again, there’s any number of songs I could have picked but I chose ‘Amoreena’ because it typifies his early sound combining, as it does, gospel and country influences with soft rock. So good that it was the only music used in the whole of ‘Dog Day Afternoon’.”
Check the Rhime by A Tribe Called Quest
“The early ’90s was the golden era of hip-hop when producers moved on from simply sampling the first James Brown record they could get their hands on and started spending hours feverishly fingering through crates of dusty albums looking for breaks no one had heard before. That was, of course, until a certain Mr S. Combes came along and decided that it would be better for everyone if he just made shed-loads of cash talking about cars and watches over Diana Ross hits. A Tribe Called Quest were like the Dennis Irwin of rap, quietly going about the business of consistently churning out high-quality, gimmick-free, no nonsense hip-hop with the minimum of fuss. They were never the greatest lyricists around but Q-Tip more than made up for it with his distinctive nasal tone, he has this unparalleled ability to adjust his flow to mirror the track. I opted for ‘Check the Rhime’ because I love the Minnie Ripperton sample used in the verses and I couldn’t find room for Minnie on the list.”
Wet Pussycat by Unida
“Stoner Rock at it’s finest. Their name means ‘United’. Any questions?”
Just before Surge headed back to the platform the Robbo “look-a-like” stallholder pointed him in the direction of the old abandoned book stall and asked him to pick out a book – for free – for the journey home.
… And Surge picked …
Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell
“A masterpiece. It’s certainly not the easiest read in the world, certainly not a page-turner, but conceptually the book is incredible. Orwell’s prediction of a dystopian future has proved, in many ways, remarkably prescient.”
…and then we dropped Surge off – back in his chair – from whence he had been so rudely twocked.
Remember, you can follow Surge on twitter here > @NoHeroesHere
Or visit his site here > Blatant Red
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