CL: United vs. Benfica

 

 Acroskaku

(@Benglorious)

Having not watched the Spurs game due to being roped in to building some decking with the worst hangover of my adult life, I don’t feel I am in a position to comment on United’s form going into this Champions League match.

Prediction: We will fucking crush Benfica and make their six year-old goalkeeper cry. Lukaku to get cocky despite Han’s friendly warning. 0-0 United.

m

2017-02-10 23.14.32 (@tom_mcghee)

“Football. Bloody Hell!” Now whilst Sir Alex was talking about…well let’s say some football, the words themselves could very easily be describing the new Assassin’s Creed game, if you don’t really pay attention to the words. It is set in Ancient Egypt and you play this guy who is proper mad at these other guys and you have an eagle and a camel but you can also have a horse and they help you get these bad guys aka the liberal media hahaha no not really they are also old Egyptians. S0 far, I would give it 4 out of 5 eagles.

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

According to Vietnamese-dwelling Rob Brown it is a mess of 5 different films. As with 95% of Rob’s output, this is bearded nonsense; it is actually good. Worth it for the Rock, Paper, Scissors gag imho. And Jeff Goldblum is in it.

Prediction: Mourinho to actually leap into crowd and stab 16 United fans. 2-0 United based on no idea who we are playing. Hope this helps.

(@bifurcated_utd)

Dennis Viollet: A United Man (2016)

No sign of Fred the Red or Duncan from Blue. That aside, pretty good Nando’s.

Prediction: Mourinho will never be able to stab that many United fans during the match, cos they all live in London, and even travelling on the M6 toll road would only cut journey time by appr etc. 0-0 United 

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