Pregame

Tottenham vs. United

Tottenham vs. United

m (@Benglorious) Fuck Andy Murray. I don’t hate him because he’s Scottish. I don’t hate him because he’s a miserable cunt. I don’t even hate him because he plays the most Tory of sports. I hate him because he let the Green Goblin kill Gwen Stefani. Prediction: Respect from Poch, enthusiasm from Ole, narrative from […]

FAC: United vs. Reading

FAC: United vs. Reading

  m (@Benglorious) After the thorough despatchings of Cardiff, ‘uddersfield, Bournemouth and Newcassal, Ole’s first real test as United’s interimming temporary caretaking non-permanent manager comes today in the FA Cup final. Solskjaer’s boys will be looking to make sure the Writing is on the wall for Reading, ensuring their place in History. Maths. Prediction: Yet […]

Newcastle vs. United

Newcastle vs. United

Out of Office until 4th January

United vs. Bournemouth

United vs. Bournemouth

    (@Benglorious) There’s nothing better than a top of the table six-pointer the day before New Year’s Eve. Except for smart water. That shit is tight. Prediction: Goals for all the players who pooped in Jose’s kettle at the Lowry. 11-0 United. M  (@tom_mcghee) I am out of the office until Jan 4th. Please […]

United vs. Huddersfield

United vs. Huddersfield

  (@Benglorious) They should rename Boxing Day as Pooping Day because that’s all I’ve been shifting out that end all morning. From log cabins to rusty water and all the varieties of pebbledash in between, I haven’t even had time to try on all my new socks at once because I’ve been practicing surrealism on […]

Cardiff vs. United

Cardiff vs. United

    (@Benglorious) I haven’t been this excited about a former United legend becoming our manager since 2015 when I took us through 5 unbeaten seasons in all competitions on PES 2016. Now I’m not saying Ole has a lot to live up to, but I was also playing, captaining, and taking home the golden […]

Liverpool vs. United

Liverpool vs. United

  (@Benglorious) Prediction: See below. Also cba. M  (@tom_mcghee) Haven’t done words today as I believe my silence will inspire the team. Also why not wait until after the game and then base our preview on the result? We’ll look like Nostradamus. Prediction: Waiting until after the game to base our preview on the result to look like […]

UCL: Valencia vs. United

UCL: Valencia vs. United

(@Benglorious) YEE-HAW HEAD ‘EM UP RIDE ‘EM OUT etc Prediction: Rubber to not have been invented yet. Hat-trick for Pogba plus a brace for Lukaku. 0-0 Valencia M  (@tom_mcghee) Why is it a dead rubber?* We don’t call a game that counts a live rubber. Rubber discrimination? Not for me to say but obviously yes. […]

United vs. Fulham

United vs. Fulham

(@Benglorious) Well, Howdy partner. I didn’t (do words) also won’t (do words). Prediction: Well, Howdy partner. I didn’t (do words) also won’t (do words). 0-0 United. M  (@tom_mcghee) ‘Who is the best Ham’? is a question that has plagued mankind since we first met pigs and subsequently ate them. In this essay I will try […]

United vs. Arsenal

United vs. Arsenal

(@Benglorious) Well, look who it is! Howdy pardners. Y’all ready for the rootinest, tootinest, wildest show in the West? Course ya are. Shame it’s United then. Prediction: Dat Guy Welbz to run rings around our midfield, broken foot and all. HMS Belfast to run rings around our midfield. Fuck it – Jupiter to run rings […]

Southampton vs. United

Southampton vs. United

(@Benglorious) Howdy, pardner. It’s time to dust off yer six-shooter and mount up. Tonight, we ride. By tonight I mean late afternoon, and by ride I mean scrape another goalless draw. The Pools panel (ask yer da) must hate us. Prediction: All posses joined immediately and all missions completed with no software crashes. Lol more […]

UCL United vs. Young Boys

UCL United vs. Young Boys

(@Benglorious) Long days and pleasant nights, pardner. Mosey on over here, take a load off and wash some of the trail out ya throat. No need to be afeared, buddy, I won’t bite ya. You like stories? An old timer like me, I got lots o’stories. Lemme tell you about this gang I knew back […]

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