Bifurcated Manchester United ~ United vs Villa

Benno (@Benglorious)

It’s finally matchday again after what felt like a six month international break. In reality it was only three months, but away goals count double. Aston Villa are the visitors to Old Trafford today, and they have a different manager from when we last played them. Tim of Sherwood may have left his outlaw days behind him, but he still brings to the table the same determination and passion that helped him stand up for the disadvantaged against the Sheriff of Nottingham’s tyranny.

Vangle’s boys are on the up and up at the moment, and the euphoria from beating Liverpool all those weeks ago has carried the team on to win the World Cup, become the frontrunners in the General Election and also secure the Oscar for Best Original Song. What a season we’re having.

Prediction: The Lord Mayor of Manchester, Protector of the Realm and All-Round Top Bloke, Sir Juan Mata, is key today. Like Jesus before him, Mata was put on the Earth to save mankind and craft fine coffee tables from mahogany. He’s also got bare skills. These skills, or “skillz” if you prefer, are what Villa are going to have to deal with today if they want to get anything out of this game other than a complementary set of walnut coasters. Unfortunately for them, Mata will be having none of it, and he will dominate this game by setting up goals for Young and Rooney before grabbing one for himself with a backheel-overhead-cartwheel-barrel roll-triple salchow-acker ping volley right into top bangs. 1-0 Villa.

Those among you who only visit this site for the epic greatness of the acrostics will have to tell your disappointment to suck it: There’s no more players to immortalise. Instead, I’m trying a new section about some of United’s legends. I’m just hoping there’s enough ex-players to see me through to the end of the season. Feedback is welcome, especially when it’s as cool as the start of Plug In Baby.