United 0 – 2 Burnley
2-2 aggregate, so, technically not a net loss, and worth every penny of the licence fee to watch the highlights on Match of the Day of that Jay Rodriguez worldy tbh Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. We should skip to the part where Gollum falls into Mount Doom 2. We should then point and […]
United 3 – 2 Newcastle
Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. I learnt nothing. I actually unlearnt stuff I thought I knew ie what the fuck was that game? 2. Pogba was great second half. I feel like I should say this because I moan about him so much. 3. Making Lukaku a CB will be Jose’s last great […]
Leicester 2 – 2 United
MataLand. Like Matalan. But better. Probably less sales at Christmas. Here’s 5 learns: 1. Pogba’s shooting from distance was a highlight imho. 2. Missing all those chances was silly. 3. I enjoyed the parts of the game where it looked like we might win it. 4. Happy Christmas Cunts. 5. Right Backatcha. 6. Did I […]
Leicester 0 – 3 United
Leicester City are Champions. We beat the Champions. We stay 6th. When did this conspiracy start? Where did it start? How did it start? Where will it end? When will it end? How will it end? Is that enough words for hot content? One more word makes it a round 100 words. Perfect. Here’s […]
United vs. Stoke
m B&Q nominated for best dream about a talking raptor on a plane (@Benglorious) Stoke are 19th in the league, so they’re not the worst. United aren’t 1st in the league, so they’re not the best. Should be a good game. Unless it’s bad. What am I, preview guy? Anyway, I’m away all weekend leaving those […]
Bournemouth 1 – 3 United
Bournemouth were left speechless – GEDDIT?! cos mouth – as Juan Marta – GEDDIT?! cos sub – Wane Rooney – GEDDIT?! cos last 21 years – and Zlatan Ibrahitthenets – GEDDIT?! cos goals – hit them for six divided by two – GEDDIT?! cos maths and idiom*. If the English Premier League stopped right now […]
Community Championship: Leicester 1 – 2 United
Football is back here. Fasten your safety helmets, buckle on … Bifurcated is slipping up through the Germaine Grears and turboing the machs to full futuristicism. Peddles to the medals… It’s the one, two (though technically a number), three, four, five, siSIX words you’ve all been waiting all your “Boohoo it’s not like 2014, we’ve […]
FA Cup Final: Crystal Palace 1 – 2 United (a.e.t)
Winning cups >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Not winning cups. Here’s the final final five things us learned this season: 1. Hearing rumours Mourinho might be new Manager. 2. Pardew has stolen Ross and Monica’s Dad’s moves. 3. I liked it when Jesse scored the goal that won us the cup. It was like the opposite thing that happened […]