There’s two good things about not having an enforced winter break in the Premiership League: Firstly, there’s lots of games in a short period of time; and twoly, in a short period of time there are a lot of games. Unfortunately, there’s also two bad things about footballs during Christmas: Onely, there’s far too many games in such a short period of time; and secondly, because of this deluge of games, us seasoned football writers have a heavily increased workload whilst you “normals” get to relax and enjoy yourselves all the time.
Tottingham Hottenspurs are the opponents today, and they are a football team. What else, what else? Oh, they have white shirts and they wear shorts which are dark-coloured but aren’t black or even a slightly darker black. They must be brown or purple. I guess we’ll never really know.
Players to watch out for include Jimmy Greaves, Charles Hodges and David Peacock. Go on, I’ll wait.
Prediction: A win today will smash Real Madrid’s record of fourteen thousand wins in a row. Di Maria is probably not going to play due to his pelvis giving his legs the silent treatment after a row about whose turn it is to clean out the fishtank. Falcao probably WILL play because his pelvis and legs are stronger than ever after renewing their vows in the Seychelles on Christmas Day. This means that Radizzamel will score nice and early before teeing up Robizzin to give United a two-goal lead at the break. Rizzooney will carry on his excellent recent form with yet another goal before United concede their first goal of the season when, I don’t know, Ruel Fox grabs a late consolation for the Spurs. 1-0 Tottenham.
When Adnan’s not twisting defenders into ever increasingly bizarre shapes, he likes nothing more than waterslides, Weston-super-Mare and Portuguese-style chicken:
We didn’t have footballs in ‘Nam. We used grenades. Or human heads. Whichever was funnier.
Prediction: Optimus Prime with the 96th minute, Roy-of-the-Autobots-style-put-your-body-on-the-line-for-the-sake-of-the-team-to-the-detriment-of-your-future winning goal we’ve come to know and love from the big man.
I only pretend I don’t know their names. Bob’s my favourite unless Terry is reading this. In that case, I’m my favourite and Bob’s second.
Prediction: Me to come up with something absolutely genius – as per, so that I only pretend I don’t know their names. Bob’s my favourite unless Terry is reading this. In that case, I’m my favourite and Bob’s second what Bob wrote as my match preview, will never see the light of day.