Bifurcated Manchester United ~ Sunderland vs United

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Benno (@Benglorious)

I’ve never been to Sunderland. Or have I? Think about that one while you’re illegally streaming the game probably.

Opposition summary: Sunderland used to be known as the Rokermen because their stadium was called Roker Park. Now, they play at the Stadium of Light and are therefore called the Black Cats.

Prediction: Martial to cement his place as a modern United legend by losing his first touch and goalscoring ability. However, he’ll find that he’d left them in Rooney’s wig and go on to touch everything first and score his first Premiership League hat trick along the way. 0-0 United.

Tom (@tom_mcghee)

Can you just add ‘haven’t watched any films this week’ for mine? Yes, no problem.

Brett (@kinson)

Like all the utterly compelling rivalries of our footballs: Brucey vs Nose Bridges, Roondog vs Hair, Ji Sung Park vs Grass, Ashley Young vs Trip Hazards, Daley Blind vs Headwinds, Giggsy vs The Laydeez, Scholesy vs Legs, Phil Jones vs EVERYTHING!!!!, Eric vs Selling out in retirement, Januzaj vs Immature Semi-palindromes, Fellaini vs Your Ma, what was I saying…?

You’re a Dick Advocaat.

Opposition Rainery: idgi.

Prediction: Danny with his custom made crocsBOOM! A double y(j)oker. Cos of the usual a joke. And then the additional joke cos he’s always “crocked” on his foots. Anyway, enough jokes: looking forward to him returning to full fitness and scoring for us on a regular basis, like the good old day. Comfortable United win. 0-0.